{"id":33908,"date":"2017-01-31T08:00:53","date_gmt":"2017-01-31T16:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=33908"},"modified":"2017-01-26T09:09:09","modified_gmt":"2017-01-26T17:09:09","slug":"what-does-it-mean-to-feel-beautiful","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/what-does-it-mean-to-feel-beautiful-0131175","title":{"rendered":"What Does It Mean to Feel Beautiful?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-33913\" src=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/laughing-young-person-in-nature-e1485450187306-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"Photo of young adult with brilliant smile laughing and looking off to one side, holding backpack straps out, standing on walking trail\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" data-id=\"33913\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/laughing-young-person-in-nature-e1485450187306-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/laughing-young-person-in-nature-e1485450187306.jpg 724w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>Unfortunately, all too often, I speak to people who struggle with their self-image. For the purpose of being entirely transparent, I sometimes do, too.<\/p>\n<p>Here are things that sometimes surface in my conversations with others:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Constant negative comparisons to others<\/li>\n<li>Believing others are more \u201cput together\u201d or polished<\/li>\n<li>Worry about fitting in or belonging<\/li>\n<li>Concern about being \u201cenough\u201d (pretty enough, smart enough, good enough)<\/li>\n<li>Wondering how others make being \u201cbeautiful\u201d look so easy<\/li>\n<li>If-then beliefs, such as, \u201cIf I lose weight, then I\u2019ll be beautiful\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I saw a clip of the <em>Today Show<\/em> recently where they offered two women makeovers during an \u201cAmbush Makeover\u201d segment. One of the women was incredibly excited (it was her 50th birthday), and she was thrilled with the results of her \u201creveal.\u201d The other woman expressed trepidation and stated she was more nervous than excited. The show\u2019s staff assured her they\u2019d take care of her.<\/p>\n<div class=\"content-fatwidget align-right\">\n\t<h2><a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/find-therapist.html\" target=\"_blank\">Find a Therapist<\/a><\/h2>\n\t<form action=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/search-redirect.html\" method=\"get\">\n\n\t\t\t<input required name=\"search[zipcode]\" placeholder=\"Enter ZIP or City\" class=\"inline-input\" type=\"text\" \/>\n\n\n\t\t\t<input type=\"submit\" name=\"TOS agreement\" value=\" \" class=\"inline-btn\" title=\"Search\" onclick=\"ga('send', 'event', 'FAT Widget', 'Submit Search', 'Sidebar', {nonInteraction: true});\" \/>\n\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/advanced-search.html\" title=\"Advanced Search\" onclick=\"ga('send', 'event', 'FAT Widget', 'Advanced Search', 'Sidebar', {nonInteraction: true});\" >Advanced Search<\/a>\n\t<\/form>\n<\/div>\n<p>Upon seeing herself in the mirror afterward, and after the hosts exclaimed how gorgeous she looked, that woman calmly said \u201cI like it\u201d and then \u201cMy mom will like it\u201d in a measured way, as though that was purportedly the correct response. Though she smiled broadly, it didn\u2019t appear she was as ecstatic as the hosts. I got the feeling she might be eager to wash off the fa\u00e7ade, that perhaps she never believed she needed a makeover in the first place. It was slightly awkward to watch because it drove home the notion one \u201cshould\u201d want to present as aesthetically pleasing to others, even when one is perfectly content with being exactly as they are.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"popout-quote-left\" style=\"font-weight: bold; width: 30%; float: left;\">Often, what we truly perceive as beautiful is not what is traditionally externally pleasing to the eye. We recognize people in our lives as beautiful when being around them makes us feel good. We see them beneath their surface. The same can hold true for us.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>One of the people with whom I work in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/modes\/individual-therapy\">therapy<\/a>, when asked <em>when<\/em> she felt beautiful, replied \u201cnever,\u201d her eyes welling with tears. As we continued our exploration of this subject, I asked her how she defined the word \u201cbeautiful.\u201d She referenced someone from her past whom she described as kind, warm, smiling, welcoming, and friendly. That became a reference point for us, and she was then able to discern she had, in fact, felt beautiful at times.<\/p>\n<p>Often, what we truly perceive as beautiful is not what is traditionally externally pleasing to the eye. We recognize people in our lives as beautiful when being around them makes us feel good. We see them beneath their surface. The same can hold true for us.<\/p>\n<p>Here are some examples of things you can do to improve your relationship with yourself and feel more \u201cbeautiful\u201d\u2014according to <em>your<\/em> definition:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Find a feature you like.<\/strong> Look in the mirror and find a single thing you do like about your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/body-image\">body<\/a>. Maybe it\u2019s a cute freckle on your nose, or the way your smile is a little crooked, the length of your fingers, or the thickness of your hair. Is there a feature that makes you unique? Perhaps that\u2019s something that enables you to feel beautiful.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Focus on what your body is able to do, on the ways in which it demonstrates its power. <\/strong>Is your body able to breathe, move, speak, hug, smile, or hold someone\u2019s hand? Is your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/mind\">mind<\/a> capable of thinking? Can you look at someone and really <em>see<\/em> them?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Deliver the kinds of positive messages to yourself that you would offer to others.<\/strong> If asked, what words would you use to describe a loved one\u2019s physical appearance? Would you berate, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/bullying\">bully<\/a>, and be unkind? Or would you be caring, encouraging, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/definition-of-compassion\">compassionate<\/a>?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Find a new way to appreciate your body and connect with it. <\/strong>Try <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/types\/yoga-therapy\">yoga<\/a>, dance, or tai chi, a means of moving that requires focus and develops trust within yourself.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Develop a mantra, post it, and practice it. <\/strong>Examples: \u201cI have incredible beauty within,\u201d \u201cI am enough,\u201d \u201cI am special,\u201d \u201cI have inherent value,\u201d or, \u201cI bring beauty to the world.\u201d Think of a statement that rings true to you and rehearse it on a regular basis.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Do what you love. <\/strong>As you engage in the things that bring you joy, you can\u2019t help but deliver that feeling beyond you. That is beauty.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Think about what the word \u201cbeautiful\u201d means specifically to you, and the moments in which you feel that way most deeply. How do you project your beauty into the world?<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cWhat I want to be, girls, is beautiful. Beautiful means \u2018full of beauty.\u2019 Beautiful is not about how you look on the outside. Beautiful is about what you\u2019re made of. Beautiful people spend time discovering what their idea of beauty on this earth is. They know themselves well enough to know what they love, and they love themselves enough to fill up with a little of their particular kind of beauty each day.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0\u2014Glennon Doyle Melton,\u00a0<em>Love Warrior: A Memoir<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you struggle with self-image? Do find yourself conforming to someone else\u2019s definition of beauty? Here are some ways to feel more beautiful\u2014on your terms.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2944,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542],"tags":[31,237,25,235,383],"class_list":["post-33908","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-body-image","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-self-esteem-psychotherapy-issues","tag-self-love"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33908","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2944"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33908"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33908\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33908"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33908"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33908"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}