{"id":33557,"date":"2016-12-13T10:00:22","date_gmt":"2016-12-13T18:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=33557"},"modified":"2016-12-12T11:04:10","modified_gmt":"2016-12-12T19:04:10","slug":"do-lies-about-santa-harm-parent-child-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/do-lies-about-santa-harm-parent-child-relationships-1213161","title":{"rendered":"Do Lies About Santa Harm Parent-Child Relationships?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"CookiesFor those who celebrate Christmas, lying to children<\/a> about the existence of Santa could harm parents\u2019 relationships with their children, according to an essay published in The Lancet Psychiatry. <\/em>In the piece, mental health researcher Kathy McKay and psychologist Christopher Boyle suggest parents<\/a> may be motivated by a desire to return to their own childhoods. This means lying about Santa may not be a protective lie, and may instead erode children\u2019s trust<\/a> in their parents.<\/p>\n

How Santa Affects Parent-Child Relationships<\/strong><\/h2>\n

The two authors suggest parents may encourage children to believe in Santa as a way of reliving their own childhoods. Though this can be fun and nostalgic for parents, the lie may ultimately harm their relationship with their children.<\/p>\n

Many parents teach their children lying is wrong, but children eventually find out Santa is not real. This can spur confusion and conflict. When children discover the lie, they may wonder what other lies their parents have told, the authors say.<\/p>\n

\n\t

Find a Therapist<\/a><\/h2>\n\t
\n\n\t\t\t\n\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\tAdvanced Search<\/a>\n\t<\/form>\n<\/div>McKay and Boyle believe it is sometimes appropriate for parents to lie to protect their children. For example, rather than providing potentially upsetting details about the death of a pet<\/a>, parents might conceal the death. In contrast, the authors say lying about Santa does not protect children. Because a child\u2019s belief in Santa can make parents feel good, parents may be undermining their long-term credibility to feel a sense of magic for a few years.<\/p>\n

Grace Malonai, PhD, LPCC, DCC<\/a>, a psychologist<\/a> who specializes in parenting, agrees that parental deception can undermine trust.<\/p>\n

\u201cSome children might gain cherished memories of St. Nick, while others might gain a sense of distrust in their parents and their world view,\u201d Malonai said. \u201cHighly sensitive, gifted, or other neuro-atypically developing children, such as those with autism<\/a>, might be especially vulnerable to this type of parental deception.\u201d<\/p>\n

Parents\u2019 Views on Santa<\/strong><\/h2>\n

In 2011, the Associated Press and GFK Roper Public Affairs & Corporate Communications sponsored a survey of the general population that inquired about views on Santa. Eighty-four percent of parents said they had once believed in Santa. This supports the notion that parents nurture a belief in Santa partially because of fond memories<\/a> from their childhoods.<\/p>\n

\"LittleTwo-thirds of families called Santa an \u201cimportant\u201d part of Christmas. Conflicted feelings about Santa were also common, with nearly half of respondents arguing Santa detracts from the religious meaning<\/a> of Christmas.<\/p>\n

Expert Insight on Navigating the Myth of Santa<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Malonai believes it is important for parents to consider family values in conjunction with their children\u2019s sometimes differing personalities<\/a> and traits.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you wish to uphold the idea of Father Christmas, choose your words wisely,\u201d Maloani said. \u201cInstead of outright lying, share stories of longstanding traditions and cultural heritage.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kathy Hardie-Williams, MEd, MS, NCC, LPC, LMFT<\/a>, a therapist and former teacher who treats children and parents, endorses a similar approach.<\/p>\n

\u201cChildren can enjoy\u00a0Santa as a fictional character\u00a0without being lied to by their parents,\u201d Hardie-Williams said. \u201cJust as children enjoy their favorite fairy-tale characters and even \u2018meet them\u2019 in Disneyland and in Disney World, children understand that their favorite fairy-tale character is not\u00a0literal.\u00a0I believe the same approach is effective\u00a0when presenting the character of Santa Claus to children.\u00a0Although not the intention,\u00a0I believe the\u00a0emotional impact of parents lying to children\u00a0could be harmful. I believe it\u2019s healthier to encourage children to enjoy the \u2018magic\u2019 of Santa Claus and\u00a0Christmas by\u00a0perceiving\u00a0Santa as a fictional character within the context of telling a story.\u201d<\/p>\n

References:<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Boyle, C., & McKay, K. (2016). A wonderful lie.\u00a0The Lancet Psychiatry,<\/em>\u00a03<\/em>(12), 1110-1111. doi:10.1016\/s2215-0366(16)30363-7<\/li>\n
  2. Should parents lie to children about Santa? (2016, November 25). Retrieved from https:\/\/www.sciencedaily.com\/releases\/2016\/11\/161125104818.htm<\/li>\n
  3. The AP-GFK Poll<\/em>\u00a0[PDF]. (2011, December). Associated Press–GFK Roper Public Affairs & Corporate Communications.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    A recently published essay suggests parents who tell their children Santa exists might cause future trust issues in their relationship with their children.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2555,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[159],"tags":[21,51,25,388],"class_list":["post-33557","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-therapy-news","tag-child-and-adolescent-issues","tag-healthy-parenting","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-trust-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33557","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2555"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33557"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33557\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33557"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33557"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33557"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}