{"id":33131,"date":"2016-10-19T06:00:45","date_gmt":"2016-10-19T13:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=33131"},"modified":"2016-10-18T18:04:19","modified_gmt":"2016-10-19T01:04:19","slug":"how-dbt-can-improve-your-communication-outcomes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/how-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt-can-improve-your-communication-outcomes-1019164","title":{"rendered":"How DBT Can Improve Your Communication Outcomes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-33143\" src=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/teacher-student-talking-300x201.jpg\" alt=\"Young blond teacher stands at whiteboard and speaks to elementary-age student\" width=\"300\" height=\"201\" data-id=\"33143\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/teacher-student-talking-300x201.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/teacher-student-talking.jpg 721w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>In today\u2019s world, it is hard\u00a0to stay truly connected with\u00a0others. We are so used to our digital, screen-to-screen interactions that having in-person, face-to-face conversations can feel\u00a0difficult to manage.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/types\/dialectical-behavioral-therapy\">Dialectical behavior therapy<\/a>, also referred to as DBT, has an entire module dedicated to offering skills and ways to help people <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/communication-issues\">communicate<\/a> more clearly and interact with others more meaningfully. This module is called Interpersonal Effectiveness and it focuses on how the way you communicate and engage with others impacts the outcome of your interactions.<\/p>\n<p>There are three main skills sets within DBT\u2019s Interpersonal Effectiveness module, each related to a different goal or priority.<\/p>\n<h2>Skill Set No. 1: GIVE<\/h2>\n<p>If it is important for you to keep and maintain the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/relationships\">relationship<\/a> you have, you will want to focus on the first skill set. DBT offers the acronym GIVE as a way to easily remember these skills:<\/p>\n<div class=\"content-fatwidget align-right\">\n\t<h2><a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/find-therapist.html\" target=\"_blank\">Find a Therapist<\/a><\/h2>\n\t<form action=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/search-redirect.html\" method=\"get\">\n\n\t\t\t<input required name=\"search[zipcode]\" placeholder=\"Enter ZIP or City\" class=\"inline-input\" type=\"text\" \/>\n\n\n\t\t\t<input type=\"submit\" name=\"TOS agreement\" value=\" \" class=\"inline-btn\" title=\"Search\" onclick=\"ga('send', 'event', 'FAT Widget', 'Submit Search', 'Sidebar', {nonInteraction: true});\" \/>\n\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/advanced-search.html\" title=\"Advanced Search\" onclick=\"ga('send', 'event', 'FAT Widget', 'Advanced Search', 'Sidebar', {nonInteraction: true});\" >Advanced Search<\/a>\n\t<\/form>\n<\/div>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Gentle<\/strong>: Being gentle means being kind and nonjudgmental. Keep a moderate or low voice. Keep from yelling, name-calling, or saying mean or hurtful things, even if you\u2019re \u201cjust joking.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Interested<\/strong>: People love to talk and be listened to. If you act interested, people will want to keep spending time with you. Acting interested includes maintaining appropriate eye contact (no staring), nodding, and asking questions. Even better than acting interested is being genuinely interested. In my experience, you can always find something interesting or fascinating about a person by discovering what they are passionate about, or relating their story to an experience you\u2019ve had.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Validate<\/strong>: Everyone wants to be understood. When you validate someone, you are letting them know you understand their <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/emotion\">emotions<\/a>, thoughts, and\/or experience is real. This is not the same as agreeing with someone\u2019s opinion. Validation is letting someone know you respect their experience.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Easy<\/strong> <strong>manner<\/strong>: Chill out. Relax. Be flexible and easygoing. This doesn\u2019t mean ignore or abandon your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/values-clarification\">values<\/a>, but realize that not everything has to be a battle to the death. People like to spend time with people who are easy to be with. If everything is an argument, or tensions continue to run high, people tend to end those types of relationships.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Skill Set No. 2: DEAR MAN<\/h2>\n<p>If you are wanting someone to do what you want, DBT recommends using the skills in the second skill set, often referred to by the acronym DEAR MAN:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Describe<\/strong>: Before you can ask for you want, you need to describe the situation objectively. I highly recommend keeping this simple and behaviorally specific.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Express<\/strong>: Express your emotions and opinions using \u201cI feel\u201d statements. When the other person knows what you\u2019re feeling, you don\u2019t leave them needing to guess or, worse, assume what your emotional experience is.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Assert<\/strong>: Ask for what you want and say \u201cno\u201d clearly. The other person isn\u2019t a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/mind\">mind<\/a>-reader, so be as plain and simple as possible, even if it may seem obvious.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Reinforce<\/strong>: Reinforce for the other person how responding to your request benefits them positively. If they know what\u2019s in it for them, people are more likely to respond in the way we want them to respond.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Mindful<\/strong>: Maintain focus on your goal. Don\u2019t get sidetracked or off-topic. Ignore attacks, and avoid distractions.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Appear confident<\/strong>: If you don\u2019t look <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/confidence\">confident<\/a>, it\u2019s going to be difficult to be taken seriously by the person you are engaging with. Maintain eye contact, keep good posture, and don\u2019t mumble.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Negotiate<\/strong>: If all else fails, be willing to negotiate. Getting some of what you\u2019re asking for is better than getting none of what you\u2019re asking for. Ask the other person what they\u2019d offer as an alternative solution to the problem. Also, know when to \u201cagree to disagree\u201d and walk away from a discussion.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Skill Set No. 3: FAST<\/h2>\n<p>Are you looking to maintain your self-respect after an interaction? You\u2019ll want to refer to DBT\u2019s third skill set in this module, FAST:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Fair<\/strong>: Act according to the rule. Be fair to yourself <em>and<\/em> the other person.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Apologies<\/strong>: Don\u2019t offer apologies or over-apologize if you are just being you or when making a legitimate request. But apologize where appropriate, and don\u2019t under-apologize if you\u2019ve wronged or hurt someone with your actions, behaviors, or words.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Stick to your values<\/strong>: If something is important to you, stick to it. Don\u2019t change or \u201csell out\u201d in order to \u201cfit in,\u201d get what you want, or avoid saying \u201cno.\u201d Sometimes, doing the thing that feels right can also feel most uncomfortable. This doesn\u2019t mean you should avoid it.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Truth<\/strong>: Be honest. Don\u2019t lie, make excuses, or exaggerate circumstances. Take ownership for your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you keep these skills in mind, you should have little to no trouble keeping and maintaining important relationships in your life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Reference:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Rathus, J. H., &amp; Miller, A. L. (2015). <em>DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents<\/em>. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A module of dialectical behavior therapy called Interpersonal Effectiveness features three skill sets that can help facilitate more productive communication.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3019,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542],"tags":[31,387,248,25,27],"class_list":["post-33131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-communication-problems","tag-dialectical-behavior-therapy","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-psychotherapy-models"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3019"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33131"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33131\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}