{"id":33069,"date":"2016-10-12T08:00:07","date_gmt":"2016-10-12T15:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=33069"},"modified":"2024-02-13T14:05:24","modified_gmt":"2024-02-13T19:05:24","slug":"lessons-in-loss-what-we-can-learn-from-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/lessons-in-loss-what-we-can-learn-from-grief-1012165","title":{"rendered":"Lessons in Loss: What We Can Learn from Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-42831 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/AdobeStock_547107863-300x169.jpeg\" alt=\"GoodTherapy | Lessons in Loss: What We Can Learn from Grief\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/AdobeStock_547107863-300x169.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/AdobeStock_547107863-800x450.jpeg 800w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/AdobeStock_547107863-1536x864.jpeg 1536w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/AdobeStock_547107863-2048x1152.jpeg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>Dealing with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/grief\">grief and loss<\/a> is a reality we all must confront at some point. The experience of grief is different for everyone, and it has no timetable. Grieving, however, is a necessary part of the coping and healing processes.<\/p>\n<p>The recent death of a friend\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s son has created within me a vision of the world through which only the lenses of my eyes can see and the beat of my heart can feel. His death has inspired the desire and passion to live my best life every day while giving service to others. This could have easily gone the opposite way, leading to feelings of utter <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/isolation\">isolation<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/depression\">depression<\/a>, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/loneliness\">loneliness<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>For all the pain it brings, grief holds many lessons:<\/p>\n<p>[fat_widget_grief_right]<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Grief teaches us that loss\u00c2\u00a0is inevitable.<\/li>\n<li>Grief teaches us not to take loved ones for granted.<\/li>\n<li>Grief teaches us about our faith.<\/li>\n<li>Grief teaches us to be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/patience\">patient<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Grief teaches us that we should live every day creating memories that will comfort us after our loved ones are gone.<\/li>\n<li>Grief teaches us about our feelings.<\/li>\n<li>Grief teaches us that it is necessary to grieve. It allows us to move forward.<\/li>\n<li>Grief teaches us to find our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/life-purpose\">purpose in life<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Grief teaches us that pain and joy can coexist.<\/li>\n<li>Grief teaches us to be true to ourselves.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>What has your grief taught you?<\/p>\n<h2>The K\u00c3\u00bcbler-Ross Model of Grief<\/h2>\n<p>Loss can leave us with a wide range of emotions. The experience of each emotion signals that a deep bond has been broken. One day we may be in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/denial\">denial<\/a>, anger, or depression. Other days, we might feel like we can go on. Until, that is, the cycle starts all over again.<\/p>\n<p>In her 1969 book <a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2dJzjAC\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\">On Death and Dying<\/a>, psychiatrist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/famous-psychologists\/elisabeth-kubler-ross.html\">Elisabeth K\u00c3\u00bcbler-Ross<\/a> introduced what came to be known as the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153five stages of grief,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d which represent the typical series of experiences for those who have faced loss:<\/p>\n<p>[amazon_affiliate]<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Denial: <\/strong>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153This isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t happening.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Anger:<\/strong> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How could this happen?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Bargaining:<\/strong> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please make this not happen. In return I will ___.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Depression:<\/strong> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m too sad to do anything.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Acceptance:<\/strong> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m finally at peace with what happened.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>As stated earlier, each person experiences grief in different ways. Thus, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s important to emphasize that while the K\u00c3\u00bcbler-Ross model serves as a general guide for how grief is often processed, not everyone experiencing grief or loss may experience every stage, let alone in order.<\/p>\n<h2>How to Help a Grieving Friend<\/h2>\n<p>If someone you know has lost a loved one, the following suggestions may help:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Listen: <\/strong>Follow the advice of musician Michael McLean. When someone is grieving, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153show up and shut up.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The grief-stricken person needs to be heard and feel that someone cares. Grief is a personal experience, an experience that belongs solely to the person experiencing it, and you must allow them the respect and time they deserve. Listening to someone who grieves is an invaluable gift.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be a gatekeeper: <\/strong>In an intensely painful and overwhelming time, offer to be the person through which information is filtered for dissemination. You may find that other friends, family members, and acquaintances ask for information about your friend. Normalize grief with responses such as, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153They have good days and bad days\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand probably will for a long time.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Or, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Grief never really ceases. It is something you carry with you in different ways for the rest of your life.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Getting Support for Grief<\/h2>\n<p>The grieving process can be long and lonely. If you are grieving, take the time you need, meet any challenging emotions that arise within you with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/self-compassion\">self-compassion<\/a>, and accept support from others. Talking about grief is an important part of healing. Receiving reassurance and feeling <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/empathy\">empathy<\/a> expressed for your loss may help make the recovery process seem a little less daunting. If you need or desire further support, I strongly encourage you to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/find-therapist.html\">contact a licensed therapist<\/a> who works with grief and loss.<\/p>\n<p><strong>References:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>K\u00c3\u00bcbler-Ross, E. (1969). <em>On death and dying: What the dying have to teach doctors, nurses, clergy, and their own families<\/em>. New York: Macmillan.<\/li>\n<li>McLean, M. (n.d.). Hoping. Retrieved from\u00c2\u00a0http:\/\/www.michaelmcleanmusic.com\/page\/47<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Grief and loss are both painful and universal experiences. Here are some things we can learn from grief, along with what to do if you or a friend is grieving.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3026,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542],"tags":[656,31,654,655,25],"class_list":["post-33069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","tag-and-bereavement","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-grief","tag-loss","tag-psychotherapy-issues"],"acf":{"author_show":false,"author_name":"","author_role":"","author_avatar":null,"author_profile_url":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33069","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3026"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33069"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33069\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33069"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33069"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33069"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}