{"id":33043,"date":"2016-10-10T08:00:01","date_gmt":"2016-10-10T15:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=33043"},"modified":"2016-10-07T09:52:40","modified_gmt":"2016-10-07T16:52:40","slug":"why-does-my-therapist-care-so-much-about-my-past","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/why-does-my-therapist-care-so-much-about-my-past-1010165","title":{"rendered":"Why Does My Therapist Care So Much About My Past?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"OpenMany therapists, myself included, feel that the most potent work in psychodynamic treatment is in what\u2019s called \u201cworking with the here-and-now.\u201d Addressing what\u2019s going on in the therapy room\u2014and by that I mean what\u2019s coming up between the person in therapy and the therapist\u2014means we\u2019re really cookin\u2019! It puts the \u201cdynamic\u201d in psychodynamic therapy<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If you are at a place with your therapist where you feel okay about talking about your therapeutic relationship<\/a>, it likely indicates a healthy level of trust between the two of you. You\u2019ve moved from talking \u201cabout\u201d issues (such as describing the latest negative interaction with your boss, the last argument with your wife, or the most recent bout of passive aggressiveness<\/a> with that annoying neighbor) toward experiencing an issue together<\/em>.<\/p>\n

It can be scary. It takes guts. And it\u2019s where so much amazing work happens.<\/p>\n

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Find a Therapist<\/a><\/h2>\n\t
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So if the here-and-now is so important, why do therapists ask so many questions about the past? Why are there so many stereotypes about therapists asking about, say, your mother or father? Heck, why does your therapist want to know about your parents\u00a0at all? After all, it\u2019s you in therapy, not them, right?<\/p>\n

Looking for Patterns<\/h2>\n

Early on in treatment, many therapists try to get a sense of your early history\u2014questions about where and how you grew up, the family members who were (or weren\u2019t) around, and much, much more. Was Dad\u00a0down all the time? Did Mom\u00a0never let you see her cry? Were you the oldest and thus \u201cin charge\u201d of your siblings? Were you always compared to another family member?<\/p>\n

Therapists are often looking to suss out patterns, many of which tend to be dutifully followed in a less-than-conscious way. Emotional patterns could be strong feelings that come up for you seemingly out of nowhere. A therapist may ask you if a\u00a0feeling is familiar. It may lead you to a memory<\/a> of something small or large, but trusting it and seeing where it takes you can lead to uncovering and healing a long-held wound you didn\u2019t know was still there.<\/p>\n

Therapists are also attuned to relationship patterns and how they may be affecting you now. These may be recurring types of relationships (\u201cWhy am I always dating the same type of person who treats me this way?\u201d) as well as patterns in your family\u2019s history. For example, a man who feels he needs to hold the family together without showing emotion<\/a> may have been modeled that by his father, who may have been modeled that by his <\/em>father, perhaps instilling an unconscious limitation regarding what a father can be.<\/p>\n

Using Patterns to Promote Change<\/h2>\n

In this way we are moving back and forth, examining how your past was the forerunner to who you are now. It dictates nothing. Someone else with your exact past wouldn\u2019t necessarily be in the same place you are now, but we can often connect dots that led to the issues you may be struggling with.<\/p>\n

Someone else with your exact past wouldn\u2019t necessarily be in the same place you are now, but we can often connect dots that led to the issues you may be struggling with.<\/span><\/p>\n

The past can provide some insight. It\u2019s a reminder that your mental health is not all about \u201cyou\u201d because there\u2019s a larger picture of you in an environment, a greater context. The past can help put all of this together to better understand who you are. When you look at a pattern that has led to \u201cyou\u201d and realize you\u2019ve been using what you were given the best you could, you invite room for self-compassion<\/a>. Positive change is very difficult without allowing yourself some of that.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not about the insight, though. Insight-only therapy would make treatment an interesting intellectual exercise, but one that led to little actual transformation. Once we connect with past issues, uncover patterns, and unpack how strong emotions elicited by passing thoughts are actually learned responses to old hurts, we can finally heal those hurts.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what we do when we work with the here-and-now.<\/p>\n

We can finally let out anger<\/a> that previously found its voice as depression<\/a>.<\/p>\n

We can finally cry about something that had been manifesting as resentment<\/a> in every power dynamic we were on the less empowered side of.<\/p>\n

We can truly, deeply laugh at something we once held as morbidly sacred.<\/p>\n

Using the present to connect with the past, and then the past to connect back to the present, is how we move forward.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You\u2019re the one in therapy, so why is your therapist talking about your parents? As it turns out, your past often holds clues to your issues in the here-and-now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2883,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542],"tags":[31,343,49,27],"class_list":["post-33043","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-psychodynamic-therapy","tag-considering-psychotherapy","tag-psychotherapy-models"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33043","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2883"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33043"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33043\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33043"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33043"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33043"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}