{"id":32225,"date":"2016-06-28T08:00:21","date_gmt":"2016-06-28T15:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=32225"},"modified":"2018-07-11T08:25:17","modified_gmt":"2018-07-11T15:25:17","slug":"the-great-divide-how-dissociation-can-affect-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/great-divide-how-dissociation-can-affect-relationships-0628165","title":{"rendered":"The Great Divide: How Dissociation Can Affect Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"ArmsDissociation<\/a> is a way people, to varying degrees, disconnect from their thoughts and feelings in order to avoid pain or traumatic memories<\/a>. It is a refuge of sorts into an altered state of mind that is often characterized by obsessive thoughts, fantasies, or even non-thinking states. It can be employed consciously or unconsciously as a defense mechanism<\/a> and can range in intensity from mild daydreams to feeling separate from one\u2019s body.<\/p>\n

In this time of advanced technology (societal dissociation?), dissociating is easier than ever. You can simply turn on the television or, better yet, turn on your computer or mobile device and find yourself on a high-speed train through the internet highway, encountering all kinds of people, distracting yourself with all kinds of information, and stimulating yourself in all kinds of ways. All the while, your body is there, in the chair or wherever it is, coping with the emotional unrest\u00a0residing deep inside.<\/p>\n

Although dissociation can be an effective short-term strategy for pain management, it often wreaks havoc on relationships<\/a>.<\/p>\n

The Impact of\u00a0Dissociation on\u00a0Relationships<\/h2>\n

Relationships flourish when the participants relate to each other, which requires mutual sharing of thoughts and feelings not just about each other but about their lives and the world around them, about their pasts, and about the future. Relating is the \u201cfood\u201d of a relationship.<\/p>\n

Dissociation can distress relationships because it undermines the ability to relate and thus starves the relationship over time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dissociation can distress relationships because it undermines the ability to relate and thus starves the relationship over time. It is a bit of a catch-22: people often (unconsciously) choose partners who will bring up elements of their painful past in order to grow, heal, and develop. For those who dissociated during that original pain, however, employing the strategy now starves the relationship of the food of relating to each other.<\/p>\n

Many people who frequently dissociate find that relationships can feel quite stifling. Inevitably, painful memories and feelings arise in the relationship and they (unconsciously) dissociate. At the same time, they see this other person there feeling hurt that they\u2019ve disconnected or \u201cleft,\u201d and feel trapped. They can\u2019t leave, but they can\u2019t stay, either. It can feel agonizing, lonely<\/a>, and confusing to both partners when dissociation occurs.\u00a0

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How Couples Counseling Can Help<\/h2>\n

A good couples counselor can be an invaluable resource and guide to finding a new way forward, both for the individual who dissociates and for the distressed couple. Specifically, couples counseling<\/a> can help by:<\/p>\n