{"id":32154,"date":"2016-06-16T06:00:30","date_gmt":"2016-06-16T13:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=32154"},"modified":"2016-06-15T09:56:32","modified_gmt":"2016-06-15T16:56:32","slug":"why-is-it-so-hard-to-ask-for-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/why-is-it-so-hard-to-ask-for-help-0616164","title":{"rendered":"Why Is It So Hard to Ask for Help?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"ElephantTime and again, people share with me the difficulties they have in asking for help. When I hear this, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m grateful they found their way to my office, because their first phone call to me was an example of having done so.<\/p>\n

We all have moments in our lives when we require the assistance of others. We don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ever know all there is to know or have the skills to do everything proficiently or successfully. We certainly don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t expect that of others, either. So it makes sense we would have occasion to ask someone for help at some point.<\/p>\n

The biggest reason many seem to have for staying stuck rather than reaching out is fear<\/a>. People fear they will be rejected or told \u00e2\u20ac\u0153no,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d fear being seen as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153less than\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or weak, or fear being \u00e2\u20ac\u0153found out.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Being told \u00e2\u20ac\u0153no\u00e2\u20ac\u009d does not have to be awful. We do not have to weave a story and personalize the rejection<\/a> (make it about us). It may be that the person we chose to ask didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have the appropriate resources to help us at that time. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s best to accept the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153no\u00e2\u20ac\u009d as the answer to our request, not a negation of ourselves. A \u00e2\u20ac\u0153no\u00e2\u20ac\u009d tells us not to waste any more time and energy asking this particular person, and guides us closer to someone who will<\/em> say \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

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Some equate being vulnerable with being weak, but asking for help takes self-awareness and courage<\/a>. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s important to know where our strengths lie and where they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. Sometimes the most efficient way to proceed is to focus our efforts where they have the most impact, and implore others to fill in the gaps according to their<\/em> skill sets, leading to teamwork and collaboration. To be vulnerable is to provide the opportunity to connect and pool resources, thereby resulting in further strength.<\/p>\n

The fear of being “found out” is akin to the fear of being exposed as a fraud (impostor syndrome). It can coincide with all-or-nothing thinking or perfectionism<\/a>\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbelieving that if we don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know it all, we know next to nothing. In most roles in which we function, whether it be parent, employee, or partner, we are not expected to know it all. There are always opportunities for us to learn and grow. It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t serve us to pretend we have every answer. However, it benefits us and others to know where to go for assistance when we need it, and then to avail ourselves of those resources.<\/p>\n

What can you gain by asking for help?<\/p>\n