{"id":31931,"date":"2016-05-20T06:00:10","date_gmt":"2016-05-20T13:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=31931"},"modified":"2016-05-18T10:46:31","modified_gmt":"2016-05-18T17:46:31","slug":"does-therapy-for-low-self-esteem-really-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/does-therapy-for-low-self-esteem-really-work-0520164","title":{"rendered":"Does Therapy for Low Self-Esteem Really Work?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"WomanHow can being in therapy<\/a> improve your self-esteem<\/a>? Once we understand both the roots of self-esteem and the essence of therapy, the answer becomes clear.<\/p>\n

Self-esteem has been described in many ways, but it can be thought of\u2014and experienced\u2014most simply as the absence of needless shame<\/a>. In a sense, high self-esteem is the opposite of chronic shame.<\/p>\n

This has nothing to do with thinking everything you do is great or even okay; it\u2019s not an evaluation of your behavior or how \u201cgreat\u201d you are. People with high self-esteem may criticize their own behavior at times. They can afford to be realistic about how they\u2019re doing because their basic worth as human beings isn\u2019t in question.\u00a0People with low self-esteem (i.e., those who experience\u00a0chronic, needless shame), on the other hand, may display a need to be right all the time, or may tend to see themselves as \u201cbetter\u201d than others. Such tendencies may help compensate for a fragile sense of worth.<\/p>\n

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Find a Therapist<\/a><\/h2>\n\t
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How Low Self-Esteem Typically Develops<\/h2>\n

Most of us learn in childhood we\u2019re far from perfect, and that our words and actions sometimes make other people unhappy. Since kids typically have a hard time mentally separating themselves from their behavior, hundreds of behavior corrections over the course of childhood can lead to shame about the self<\/a>: If Johnny does something wrong, Johnny feels he IS wrong\u2014as a person.<\/p>\n

One of the psychological products of childhood, then, is some level of subconscious shame. Many adults still tell themselves silently all the time, \u201cThere\u2019s something wrong with me.\u201d This is low self-esteem.<\/p>\n

How Therapy Improves Self-Esteem<\/h2>\n

Once in therapy, people begin (usually cautiously) to share their inner thoughts and feelings with the therapist. If the therapist responds with acceptance and compassion<\/a> rather than judgment or correction, the person in therapy generally relaxes into what can be an extremely productive therapeutic relationship<\/a>.<\/p>\n

With consistent acceptance, compassion, and understanding from the therapist, the person in therapy risks sharing even more \u201cshameful\u201d parts of themselves during sessions. When the therapist continues to respond with acceptance, a brand-new idea is born inside the person: \u201cMaybe there\u2019s nothing wrong with me after all.\u201d This is how low self-esteem is often healed.<\/p>\n

Therapy creates an experience of being basically acceptable instead of basically wrong, and this naturally improves self-esteem. By treating you as acceptable, the therapist models a different way for you to relate to yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just as needless shame is the product of a lack of acceptance through necessary social corrections (\u201cDon\u2019t pick your nose in public,\u201d for example), its opposite, high self-esteem, blooms in an atmosphere of acceptance.<\/p>\n

Your attitude toward yourself (\u201cI\u2019m okay\u201d as opposed to \u201cI\u2019m not okay\u201d) is not a fact, but a belief. Whatever you believe about yourself is based on experience. For example, if you received a lot of corrections in childhood, as most of us did, you may believe you\u2019re essentially bad and need to be corrected.<\/p>\n

To change unwanted beliefs about yourself, you need a different experience on which to base a new belief. This is what psychotherapy offers.<\/p>\n

Therapy creates an experience of being basically acceptable instead of basically wrong, and this naturally improves self-esteem. By treating you as acceptable, the therapist models a different way for you to relate to yourself. Using that model, you can continue to improve your self-esteem between therapy sessions and long after therapy has ended.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t matter what type or school of therapy you do\u2014as long as you experience your therapist as accepting and affirming rather than judgmental or critical. If you feel as though you\u2019re being judged or criticized, the first thing to do is talk with your therapist about it. If your therapist responds in any way other than with kindness<\/a>, openness, and humility, it\u2019s time to seek a different therapist<\/a>. Your self-esteem is too important to place in the wrong hands.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Low self-esteem often develops as a result of childhood experiences. Learn about the ways a therapist can help you challenge negative feelings about yourself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":532,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542],"tags":[31,25,392,416,235,240],"class_list":["post-31931","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-self-criticism","tag-self-doubt","tag-self-esteem-psychotherapy-issues","tag-shame-guilt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31931","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/532"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31931"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31931\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31931"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31931"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31931"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}