{"id":31100,"date":"2016-04-15T08:00:25","date_gmt":"2016-04-15T15:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=31100"},"modified":"2016-05-23T02:35:04","modified_gmt":"2016-05-23T09:35:04","slug":"help-i-feel-like-my-therapist-judges-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/dear-gt\/help-i-feel-like-my-therapist-judges-me","title":{"rendered":"Help! I Feel Like My Therapist Judges Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thank you for your letter and for reaching out for support in this difficult situation.<\/p>\n

You are right; therapy<\/a> is supposed to be a safe place where you can share your thoughts, experiences, and feelings without feeling judged, criticized, or condemned by your therapist. Keeping a nonjudgmental environment is one of the most critical things a therapist can do. Carl Rogers<\/a> encouraged therapists to approach people with what he called unconditional positive regard, which is essentially the attitude of \u201cno matter what you share, I still regard you highly.\u201d That is truly a healing condition.<\/p>\n

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There are many sides to this to be considered. The first is whether the therapist is actually judging you or whether you are misreading his expressions. While I\u2019m certainly not trying to put the blame on you, it is important to consider that there may be something as simple as a miscommunication<\/a> going on.<\/p>\n

One of the critical aspects of the therapeutic relationship<\/a> is openness. It is vital for both parties\u2014therapist and person in therapy\u2014to be able to communicate their feelings and experience to the other. In doing so, you deepen the relationship and trust<\/a> builds, which helps you feel safer.<\/p>\n

Starting over with another therapist is always an option, but I recommend that as a last step instead of a first. Try starting by talking to your therapist and giving it some time to see how things change (or don\u2019t change).<\/span><\/p>\n

With that said, I encourage you to share your concerns with your therapist. It could be that he is unaware of his expressions and how they come across. Your sharing your experience with him can help him become more aware and give him an opportunity to change his behavior. It could also be that he does have some judgments and concerns about what you are sharing that he may be able to express to you. In that case, the two of you can have an ongoing dialogue and perhaps resolve the issue in your therapy.<\/p>\n

Based solely on what you have written, there is also a possibility that the therapist is actually responding neutrally and you are reading into his nonverbal responses; in therapy, we call this \u201cprojection.\u201d Projection<\/a> is when a person projects his or her feelings about themselves or a situation onto another person and views the other person as holding those feelings. In this case, for example, it could be that you feel judgment toward yourself and, as such, are seeing it in the therapist.<\/p>\n

Having this dialogue can help you to resolve your internal conflict and make an informed decision going forward. By discussing your concerns with your therapist, you can choose your next step in a way that empowers you and not from a reactive space. That alone can provide a great healing experience.<\/p>\n

Starting over with another therapist is always an option, but I recommend that as a last step instead of a first. Try starting by talking to your therapist and giving it some time to see how things change (or don\u2019t change). If you don\u2019t feel better about the relationship after a while, that might be the time to find another therapist<\/a> to work with. The most important thing is that you are getting what you need from the therapeutic relationship, and only you can be the judge of that.<\/p>\n

Best wishes in the journey,
\nLisa<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lisa Vallejos, PhD, LPC, responds to our latest reader-submitted Dear GoodTherapy.org question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2597,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[625],"tags":[522],"class_list":["post-31100","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-goodtherapy","tag-dear-gt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31100","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2597"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31100"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31100\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31100"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31100"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31100"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}