{"id":30851,"date":"2016-03-25T08:00:45","date_gmt":"2016-03-25T15:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=30851"},"modified":"2016-05-23T02:34:28","modified_gmt":"2016-05-23T09:34:28","slug":"why-cant-i-bond-with-my-kids-after-my-husband-died","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/dear-gt\/why-cant-i-bond-with-my-kids-after-my-husband-died","title":{"rendered":"Why Can’t I Bond with My Kids After My Husband Died?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am so sorry for your loss. You are understandably grieving<\/a>. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve lost your partner unexpectedly, and if that weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t enough to cope with, you are also trying to take care of your grieving children\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwho are likely trying to make sense of an incomprehensible situation. Of course you are struggling.<\/p>\n

[fat_widget_right]<\/p>\n

You get overwhelmed<\/a> because your reserves of emotional energy are depleted. Having enough to give to three children is challenging in the best of circumstances. Finding ways to give under these circumstances requires superhuman strength. Additionally, if you are feeling bad about taking time for yourself, that \u00e2\u20ac\u0153me time\u00e2\u20ac\u009d people recommend isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t replenishing you but rather adding guilty feelings<\/a> to the mix. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be surprised if you weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t <\/em>struggling.<\/p>\n

Feeling lost and disconnected and sad and angry are absolutely natural responses to all of this. Grief is complex.<\/span><\/p>\n

You ask if you are afraid of losing your children or afraid they will bring painful memories<\/a> of your husband. You also wonder if your anger<\/a> is a factor. The answers are inside you, but based on what you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve related, in all likelihood yes\u00e2\u20ac\u201dto all of it, and probably more. Your world has changed swiftly and dramatically, and not by any choice of your own. Feeling lost and disconnected and sad<\/a> and angry are absolutely natural responses to all of this. Grief is complex.<\/p>\n

The stages of grief\u00e2\u20ac\u201ddenial<\/a>, bargaining, anger, depression<\/a>, and acceptance\u00e2\u20ac\u201ddo not necessarily flow smoothly or quickly. Many people move from one stage to another and back again as memories and feelings are triggered<\/a>. There is no timeline for moving through your grief and integrating it. Time will help, but so will finding the right kind of support.<\/p>\n

If you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already started working with a therapist in your area<\/a>, I recommend that you find one for yourself and for your children, either together or separately. Having a safe and supportive place to work through all the feelings that come with such a loss and major life transition<\/a> can help you heal and find your way back to your children \u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 and yourself.<\/p>\n

Best of luck,
\nErika<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Erika Myers, MS, MEd, LPC, NCC, responds to our latest reader-submitted Dear GoodTherapy.org question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2592,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[625],"tags":[403,389,522,232,51,25],"class_list":["post-30851","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-goodtherapy","tag-abandonment","tag-adjusting-to-change","tag-dear-gt","tag-grief-loss-bereavement","tag-healthy-parenting","tag-psychotherapy-issues"],"acf":{"author_show":false,"author_name":"","author_role":"","author_avatar":null,"author_profile_url":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30851","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2592"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30851"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30851\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30851"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30851"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30851"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}