{"id":30785,"date":"2016-03-08T08:00:43","date_gmt":"2016-03-08T16:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=30785"},"modified":"2018-05-18T10:39:59","modified_gmt":"2018-05-18T17:39:59","slug":"go-easy-on-yourself-5-simple-ways-to-boost-self-compassion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/go-easy-on-yourself-5-simple-ways-to-boost-self-compassion-0308165","title":{"rendered":"Go Easy on Yourself: 5 Simple Ways to Boost Self-Compassion"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Happy<\/a>Self-compassion<\/a> is one of those terms that has gained popularity of late but remains misunderstood by many. Self-compassion comes down to treating yourself as you would treat someone else you care about\u2014with kindness<\/a>, understanding, and the awareness that everyone is human, imperfect, but still inherently worthy.<\/p>\n

Dr. Kristin Neff at the University of Texas at Austin was the first person to operationalize, or create a way to define and measure, the idea of self-compassion. She and other researchers since have found three essential components to self-compassion. These are self-kindness<\/em>, common humanity\u2014<\/em>which refers to understanding the things we criticize ourselves about are both universal and part of being human\u2014and mindfulness<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Mindfulness<\/a>, at its most basic level, refers to present-moment, nonjudgmental awareness. The practice of mindfulness has been linked to numerous mind-body benefits, including the ability to notice the thoughts and feelings that tend to cause us suffering\u2014without holding them close, pushing them away, or automatically identifying with them.<\/p>\n

Although many of us could identify people we believe would benefit from taking a closer and perhaps more constructively critical look at themselves, there is a large subgroup of people who tend to be overly self-critical. This can come in the form of unfair comparisons, such as, \u201cI\u2019ll never be as good as so-and-so,\u201d to frequent catastrophizing (\u201cI\u2019ve really messed up, and now my life is ruined for good!\u201d), to conditional self-worth (\u201cI\u2019ll be okay\/worth something\/lovable only<\/em> when I am [insert criterion here]\u201d).<\/p>\n

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Why We Self-Criticize<\/h2>\n

I\u2019ve noticed a tendency toward chronic or constant self-criticism<\/a> in those whose parents praised only exceptional behavior (leading to the belief, \u201cIf I\u2019m not the best, I am the worst\u201d), spent a lot of time fault-finding, or, in extreme cases, were abusive<\/a>. If the inner stream of criticism sounds uncannily like the critical statements someone else used to tell you, take note. That\u2019s useful information if you decide to pursue therapy<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Among the many downsides to constant self-criticism: it can leave one either overly vulnerable to feeling criticized\u2014even in response to constructive feedback\u2014and can also lead to projecting self-criticism onto others (and becoming hyper-critical in general). In addition, self-criticism erodes self-esteem<\/a> and can leave one feeling depressed<\/a>, anxious<\/a>, or hopeless<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Why We Resist Self-Compassion<\/h2>\n

Often people resist the idea of self-compassion because they believe self-criticism is a necessary tool that protects them from \u201cslacking off,\u201d being a \u201cbad\u201d person, or otherwise becoming something they associate with personal failure (\u201cfat,\u201d \u201calone,\u201d \u201clazy,\u201d \u201cunlovable,\u201d etc.). People may also feel counter-identified with a parent or other family member who exhibited undesirable qualities, and thus, the self-critical voice may feel necessary to avoid winding up like that person. Similarly, they may worry that without being self-critical, they will fail to take responsibility for the things they do, and perhaps will lack compassion for others<\/a> (because of the self-indulgence they associate with self-compassion).<\/p>\n

The good news is the research on self-compassion has found that the practice is associated with being more<\/em> compassionate with others, greater altruism, and greater likelihood to forgive others.<\/span><\/p>\n

The good news is the research on self-compassion has found the practice is associated with being more<\/em> compassionate with others, greater altruism<\/a>, and greater likelihood to forgive<\/a> others. In addition, self-compassion has been linked to being more likely to take responsibility for one\u2019s own actions, greater happiness<\/a>, increased motivation<\/a>, and greater self-worth.<\/p>\n

Some simple ways to enhance self-compassion include the following:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Ask yourself, \u201cIs the way I am thinking about myself the way I would respond to a close friend or other loved one?\u201d<\/strong> If the answer is no, imagine how you would treat others who found themselves in a similar situation. What would you say? What recommendations would you make? How would you offer comfort? How would you help this person reframe their take on things?<\/li>\n
  2. Write down the answers to the above questions.<\/strong> Now, viewing yourself from the perspective of the observer, speak to yourself in the same compassionate tone, using the language you would use with someone you care about.<\/li>\n
  3. Remember you, like everyone else, are human.<\/strong> Humans are imperfect, yet born with inherent worth. Most of the things you have suffered over are universal in some way.<\/li>\n
  4. Remind yourself of the truisms.<\/strong> Mistakes are one of the ways in which we learn. Challenges present opportunities to grow stronger. No one is perfect<\/em>.<\/li>\n
  5. Practice mindfulness daily.<\/strong> Set aside time for formal practice, such as breath awareness, and strive to be present for your life in general\u2014however it is in this moment.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    References:<\/strong><\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Social Psychology Bulletin<\/em>, 38, 1133-1143.<\/li>\n
    2. Germer, G. K., & Neff, K. D. (2013). Self-compassion in clinical practice. Journal of Clinical Psychology: In Session<\/em>, 69, 856\u2013867. Retrieved from http:\/\/self-compassion.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/publications\/germer.neff.pdf<\/li>\n
    3. Neff, K. D., & Pommier, E. (2012). The Relationship between Self-compassion and Other-focused Concern among College Undergraduates, Community Adults, and Practicing Meditators. Self and Identity<\/em>, 1-17 (iFirst<\/em> article). Retrieved from http:\/\/self-compassion.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/publications\/Neff.Pommier.pdf<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Do you have a tendency to be overly critical of yourself? Learn the roots of self-criticism\u2014and why its antidote, self-compassion, can be so hard to summon.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2461,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542,623],"tags":[31,25,547,392],"class_list":["post-30785","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","category-issues-treated","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-self-compassion","tag-self-criticism"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30785","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2461"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30785"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30785\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30785"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30785"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30785"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}