{"id":30654,"date":"2016-02-23T06:00:28","date_gmt":"2016-02-23T14:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=30654"},"modified":"2017-04-17T14:14:39","modified_gmt":"2017-04-17T21:14:39","slug":"more-than-a-feeling-how-over-identification-gets-in-the-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/more-than-a-feeling-how-over-identification-gets-in-the-way-0223164","title":{"rendered":"More Than a Feeling: How Over-Identification Gets in the Way"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"sad<\/a>When was the last time you saw one of those charts that has a bunch of yellow, circular faces representing a variety of feelings? Elementary school? Perhaps it’s time to refresh yourself.\u00a0Happy<\/a>, sad<\/a>, frustrated, confused, disappointed, surprised \u2026 we often identify these and other feelings by examining facial expressions. Feelings are often deeper and more complicated than that, however. Psychotherapy<\/a> is often about identifying and exploring feelings that might not be apparent on the surface.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we might think we feel, say, anger<\/a> or irritation<\/a> when talking about an issue, but it may turn out a whole bunch of feelings that are more applicable, interesting, and useful are underneath. For example, a person might come to therapy talking about why her supervisor\u2019s method of running meetings irritates her. Upon further exploration, however, we might find that the irritation is masking a feeling of her feedback being devalued. We can then come up with solutions to process and manage that feeling.<\/p>\n

The feeling remains just a feeling<\/em>. As with a passing rain shower, we get wet or take out an umbrella, or possibly even enjoy the depth of being alive, even if the feeling itself is unpleasant.<\/p>\n

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Sometimes a feeling profoundly affects a person\u2019s well-being<\/a>. Instead of a passing rain shower, it feels more like a tsunami that has swallowed the person up. In the previous example, the feeling of being devalued by the supervisor may extend to coworkers or even people outside of work. This person might be attaching more meaning and weight than is necessary to the feeling. In other words, she may be over-identifying with the feeling to such an extent it has a negative effect on unrelated areas of her life.<\/p>\n

A feeling\u00a0is not an identity that has a mind of its own and gets to run your life. <\/span><\/p>\n

A feeling\u00a0is not an identity that has a mind of its own and gets to run your life. When we over-identify with feelings, we may start to feel that they are truth\u2014permanent states, even\u2014that take control and determine our life paths. Feelings are just responses to certain events and people, and while many events have a certain predictability of feelings that follow, they are still just a part of our emotional selves. We likely have many other feelings and experiences even when we are feeling dismissed, sad, or angry. But over-identifying with one sends them all to the background.<\/p>\n

Some of us are more emotional than others. If you have strong reactions to the news, for example, you might also ruminate on another\u2019s problem or a small piece of feedback that another person might brush off. There\u2019s nothing wrong with being sensitive and empathetic<\/a>, but when these feelings become unproductive and affect your well-being, or when you feel that a wave of emotion<\/a> has swallowed you whole, you might consider the following actions:<\/p>\n