{"id":30474,"date":"2016-01-29T08:00:59","date_gmt":"2016-01-29T16:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=30474"},"modified":"2016-05-23T02:31:07","modified_gmt":"2016-05-23T09:31:07","slug":"help-i-resent-my-mother-for-shortchanging-me-in-her-will","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/dear-gt\/help-i-resent-my-mother-for-shortchanging-me-in-her-will","title":{"rendered":"Help! I Resent My Mother for Shortchanging Me in Her Will"},"content":{"rendered":"

There is no question that inheritance bequests can create significant tension and strife in families<\/a>. Often, one or more of the surviving relatives feels slighted and unfairly treated. The only person, however, who has the right to decide how to leave their estate is the person creating the will.<\/p>\n

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Your mother may have some very clear reasons for allocating her estate the way she has. Of course it doesn\u2019t feel fair to you\u2014but what\u2019s fair isn\u2019t always right, and what\u2019s right isn\u2019t always fair. It may be that your mother feels that her son who stayed close and helps her out (as minimally as it may seem to you) is entitled to more of the estate. It may be that she is concerned about his ability to thrive after she is gone and is trying to make sure he is taken care of. (If this is the case, it may be that she has confidence<\/a> you\u2019ll be just fine\u2014though I\u2019m sure that would feel like small consolation.) It may be something else completely, but she has her reasons for making the choices she made.<\/p>\n

You can allow resentment to poison your relationship with your brother and your mom, or you can let it go.<\/span><\/p>\n

The choice you are left with, then, is how to respond. You can allow resentment<\/a> to poison your relationship with your brother and your mom, or you can let it go. When you tried to talk with your mother, did you focus on how these choices made you feel, or did you come from the perspective of right\/wrong and fair\/unfair?<\/p>\n

If you focus on how wrong or unfair her choice seems, you may be met with defensiveness and entrenchment. If you start from a place of accepting that it is her right to make these choices, but that you find her choices hurtful, you may be able to come to a better understanding. She might be able to explain her thinking in a way that makes sense to you, and she might be able to hear and respond to your pain\u2014but not if she has to defend the \u201crightness\u201d of her choices.<\/p>\n

However you choose to approach this, I strongly recommend that you find a way to make peace with your mother before she dies. That might mean seeking personal counseling<\/a> for yourself to let go of anger<\/a> and resentment, or perhaps family counseling with your mother and possibly your brother. You have the opportunity to address these issues while she is here to respond. All too often, resentments are left to fester until it is too late to heal the rifts.<\/p>\n

Best of luck,
\nErika<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Erika Myers, MS, MEd, LPC, NCC, responds to our latest reader-submitted Dear GoodTherapy.org question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2592,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[625],"tags":[522,382,535,586,25],"class_list":["post-30474","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-goodtherapy","tag-dear-gt","tag-family-of-origin-issues","tag-jealousy","tag-money-issues","tag-psychotherapy-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30474","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2592"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30474"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30474\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30474"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30474"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30474"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}