{"id":30013,"date":"2015-12-10T08:00:01","date_gmt":"2015-12-10T16:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=30013"},"modified":"2015-12-09T10:46:17","modified_gmt":"2015-12-09T18:46:17","slug":"women-with-sex-addiction-observations-in-recovery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/women-with-sex-addiction-observations-in-recovery-1210155","title":{"rendered":"Women with Sex Addiction: Observations in Recovery"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"StandingIt has been more than 30 years since Dr. Patrick Carnes published his book, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction<\/a>, which introduced the concept of sexual addiction<\/a>. One working definition of sexual addiction is a pathological attachment to a mood-altering experience of sex.<\/p>\n

At that time, the focus was almost entirely on males who were addicted\u00c2\u00a0to\u00c2\u00a0sex. But new ground was already being broken. When I first met Jennifer Schneider—an Arizona psychiatrist—in the early 90s, she and a colleague had recently completed a book about couples recovering from sexual addiction.<\/p>\n

Schneider and her colleague obtained detailed information about married females who were addicted to sex. Twenty-four women and 17 husbands were interviewed by telephone; 7 of the male spouses declined to take part in the survey. The findings were provocative back then, but they are confirmed by my own clinical observations over the years.<\/p>\n

Gender Differences in Sex Addiction<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Unlike the majority of men with sex addiction, most women are aware of their codependency<\/a> when they initially begin therapy with me—either alone or with a partner. Codependency can be briefly described as looking outside oneself to other people in order to define self-worth.<\/p>\n

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Find a Therapist for Sex \/ Sexuality<\/a><\/h2>\n\t
\n\n\t\t\t\t\n\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\tAdvanced Search<\/a>\n\t<\/form>\n<\/div>This makes the early stages of recovery particularly difficult for women who are sexually compulsive. Initially, a period of abstinence<\/a> is important in order to learn to maintain sexual boundaries. But that requires being able to say no without it affecting self-worth. As one woman in therapy put it, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to deprive him or drive him to look elsewhere for sex!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

I find that is rarely a problem for a man choosing a period of abstinence. Unfortunately, this culturally learned gender difference makes it much more difficult to rebuild marriages<\/a> in which the wife is sexually compulsive. Females with sex addiction often feel alone and unsupported as they work toward\u00c2\u00a0recovery.<\/p>\n

Steps for Women in Recovery<\/strong><\/h2>\n

In order to appreciate the complicated nature of sex addiction for women, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s important to recognize how terrifying psychological isolation<\/a> can be. One woman told me, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I feel ashamed that I feel lonely<\/a> even in my marriage, like something in me is broken and defective.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Consequently, women in recovery benefit most from a combination of supportive individual therapy and group experience, both 12-step<\/a> and therapist-led. In 12-step meetings such as Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), participants share experiences, strength, and hope<\/a>. In her book, Ready to Heal: Women Facing Love, Sex, and Relationship Addiction<\/a>, author Kelly McDaniel lists some of the numerous benefits:<\/p>\n