{"id":29856,"date":"2015-11-20T08:00:07","date_gmt":"2015-11-20T16:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=29856"},"modified":"2016-05-23T02:26:11","modified_gmt":"2016-05-23T09:26:11","slug":"bah-humbug-am-i-a-bad-person-for-hating-the-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/dear-gt\/bah-humbug-am-i-a-bad-person-for-hating-the-holidays","title":{"rendered":"Bah Humbug! Am I a Bad Person for Hating the Holidays?"},"content":{"rendered":"

You are not alone\u2014not everybody loves the holidays, and plenty of people hate them. Thanksgiving is\u00a0only round one. Not long after, you get socked with a real haymaker, the endgame (literally, December)\u2014Christmas or Kwanzaa or Hanukkah or whatever version of party-on you choose \u2026 or that\u2019s been chosen for you, I suppose.<\/p>\n

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Not to mention\u00a0it gets really dark really early now and, depending where you live, perhaps freezing cold and snowy.\u00a0The celebrations you don\u2019t feel part of, plus the longer nights, the light deprivation, and the crappy weather, can cause emotional and physiological reactions that\u00a0make you feel even worse.<\/p>\n

A lot of people struggle with the commercialization of the season as well; many stores set up holiday displays and started piping in seasonal music before summer was out! For many people, the significance of the holidays, or what they’re supposed to stand for, is lost in the hustle and bustle.<\/p>\n

No, you are not a terrible person for feeling down this time of year. A great many people feel depressed<\/a> and stressed<\/a> and lonely<\/a> and grief-stricken<\/a> and resentful<\/a> this time of year.\u00a0It may seem like everybody else is celebrating with special loved ones and you\u2019re not, and you may feel all alone and, worse, obligated to join celebrations you don\u2019t feel are for you. But remember, not everyone has family, not everyone has family they want to spend time with, and not all families have learned to put aside the family drama<\/a> and just let everybody have a good time together.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a store near where I live. Every year about this time, they put a sign in their window: \u201cSharpen your knives for the holidays.\u201d It\u2019s a hardware store, so I read it literally\u2014bring in your knives and we\u2019ll sharpen them right up. But for what? I always wonder. Are those knives for slicing up turkey and ham or for self-defense? Do we kind of feel like turkeys and hams, sitting around the big table with all those relatives we have nothing to say to and who don\u2019t like us much either?<\/p>\n

No, you are not a terrible person for feeling down this time of year. A great many people feel depressed and stressed and lonely and grief-stricken and resentful this time of year. <\/span><\/p>\n

Do you have to see your family? Spending time with friends instead can be enjoyable. Would you feel guilty<\/a> if you did that?<\/p>\n

Put aside for a moment family obligations. What would YOU like to do? What would make YOU happy? Some reflection on why, specifically, the holidays are so rough for you may help guide you as you search for ways to get through them.\u00a0Any form of self-care<\/a>\u00a0might\u00a0do. You deserve to feel taken care of, even if it\u2019s you doing the caretaking.<\/p>\n

Forget, for a moment, everyone else\u2019s expectations of you\u2014which are probably based on the expectations others have of them, anyway. What are YOUR expectations, both of yourself and of others? The weight of feeling like you have to meet someone else\u2019s expectations can add to heaviness of the holidays. Know what matters to you and strive for that, first and foremost.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, how long do the holidays last? Two dinners together can\u2019t last longer than, say, twelve hours all together? Six hours each, maybe? Of course, in some families, even that much time can feel like an eternity. It may be that you have to set boundaries in order to ensure that your needs are met. This could mean limiting your exposure to family gatherings or festivities in whatever way makes them manageable or palatable. Two hours per event? Three? A $10 limit per gift? No gifts? Whatever you decide, no guilt necessary; you\u2019re simply doing what you need to do.<\/p>\n

Is there somebody you can talk to? There is always somebody, even if that person is a therapist<\/a>, support group, help line, or faith or church community. I can assure you that you are not alone, and that many other people out there would likely find comfort in knowing you feel the same way they do. If you can\u2019t bear the thought of family time, let like-minded people be your tribe this season\u2014a season that will mercifully pass.<\/p>\n

Sincerely,
\nLynn<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lynn Somerstein, PhD, E-RYT, responds to our latest reader-submitted Dear GoodTherapy.org question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":526,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[625],"tags":[522,161,393,25],"class_list":["post-29856","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-goodtherapy","tag-dear-gt","tag-depression","tag-family-problems","tag-psychotherapy-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29856","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/526"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29856"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29856\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29856"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29856"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29856"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}