{"id":29580,"date":"2015-10-30T06:00:36","date_gmt":"2015-10-30T13:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=29580"},"modified":"2017-08-31T15:17:07","modified_gmt":"2017-08-31T22:17:07","slug":"beware-the-bubble-good-fortune-doesnt-mean-bad-is-coming","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/beware-the-bubble-must-all-good-things-come-to-an-end-1030154","title":{"rendered":"Beware the Bubble: Must All Good Things Come to an End?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Father\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Tis the season for ghosts and goblins and creepy crawlies real and imagined … so I want to talk about one of the human mind\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s scariest inventions, one nearly all of us believe in from time to time.<\/p>\n

The bubble.<\/p>\n

As in, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m just waiting for this bubble to burst.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

What, exactly, is the bubble? For many, it represents a happy<\/a> time in life, a time when things are\u00c2\u00a0going well or some relief from a problem has been realized, a too-good-to-be-true moment or relationship. But it comes with a nagging feeling, a sense that it will all come crashing down at some point. People are uneasily content inside their bubbles; believing it could burst at any moment creates anxiety<\/a>, fear<\/a>, and worry<\/a>. They fret themselves into pretzels and struggle to appreciate good fortune because they are so preoccupied with the possibility\u00c2\u00a0it will end.<\/p>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve seen people finally meet the partners of their dreams, only to walk around terrified that their new love<\/a> is too perfect, the relationship too easy. They find themselves \u00e2\u20ac\u0153waiting for the other shoe to drop.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve seen mothers with healthy, beautiful families who, on the one hand, talk about how much they love motherhood and how thankful they are but, on the other, are so terrified their kids will get sick or injured that they spend most of their time researching symptoms online and seeking reassurances from doctors\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 offices.<\/p>\n

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At first glance, these two examples might seem to have nothing in common\u00e2\u20ac\u201da type of self-esteem<\/a> issue and a form of hypochondria<\/a>\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut both are signs that a scary-feeling bubble of sorts has taken over and prevented\u00c2\u00a0each person from fully enjoying what they have.<\/p>\n

There are many interesting things to discover about each person\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s unique bubble. For someone in a new relationship, we can talk about the joys of the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153honeymoon\u00e2\u20ac\u009d phase and how important it is for lasting connection. We can talk about the person\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s belief that he or she is not worthy of a good relationship. For the mom with an overly involved parenting<\/a> style, we can connect to her sense of responsibility and her deep love and desire to protect her children. We can gently poke at the bubble and remind these folks that, like all creatures, they deserve good things in their lives and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153pay\u00e2\u20ac\u009d for them with bad fortune later.<\/p>\n

Indeed, bad fortune does come to some of us some of the time, but the bubble doesn’t prepare us. We might look back and say, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, I knew my luck would run out\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The relationship was bound to fail at some point,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d but the bubble didn’t help matters. It’s imaginary. We invented\u00c2\u00a0it out of thin air.<\/p>\n

More importantly, the bubble doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t protect us from anything. It just causes us stress<\/a>. The bubble is our safeguard against all that we fear: as long as we put ourselves in this happy bubble over here, but feel impending doom (or at least some alternative, negative reality) over there, we can stay in a fantasy.<\/p>\n

Yes, terrible things may\u00c2\u00a0happen from time to time, but this anxious mind-set\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe bubble\u00e2\u20ac\u201ddoes not keep terrible things at bay. Creating a doom-filled scenario for the future does not protect our happy state right now.<\/span><\/p>\n

There is no bubble. All of these feelings and states and phases in our lives are just part of our lives.<\/p>\n

We have grown accustomed to the idea that there is a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153honeymoon\u00e2\u20ac\u009d phase at the beginning of relationships<\/a> and that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a bubble that bursts. It is a stage that we can be grateful for, one that graduates to something else. Similarly, we should get used to the fact there will be times of health, connection, and success without expecting \u00e2\u20ac\u0153payback\u00e2\u20ac\u009d down the road. Just because something wonderful is happening in our lives doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean it must be followed by something terrible.<\/p>\n

Yes, terrible things may\u00c2\u00a0happen from time to time, but this anxious mind-set\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe bubble\u00e2\u20ac\u201ddoes not keep terrible things at bay. Creating a doom-filled scenario for the future does not protect our happy state right now.<\/p>\n

The best we can do when things are going well, when we have healthy children or a flourishing relationship, is to stay mindful of what we have and enjoy it. Spend more time flourishing, enjoying your good health, and cultivating happy things. This is the cornerstone of a solution-focused<\/a> mind-set.<\/p>\n

Here are some ways I help people in therapy<\/a> through their bubble mind-sets:<\/p>\n