{"id":29072,"date":"2015-08-26T08:00:40","date_gmt":"2015-08-26T15:00:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=29072"},"modified":"2015-08-25T17:23:21","modified_gmt":"2015-08-26T00:23:21","slug":"the-secret-to-finding-time-for-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/the-secret-to-finding-time-for-your-relationship-0826155","title":{"rendered":"The Secret to Finding Time for Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Couple\u201cTime is the currency of relationships. There\u2019s no way to invest into a relationship without investing your time.\u201d<\/em> \u2014Dave Willis<\/p>\n

Time is a mystery. When we\u2019re young, we have all the time in the world. When we\u2019re married with kids, we never have enough time. When the nest is empty, we wonder where the time went. As we age, we increasingly comprehend the value of time. When faced with the realization that time will end, we truly appreciate just how precious it is.<\/p>\n

I learned that lesson 20 years ago when my younger sister, Harriet, age 30, got a rare and aggressive type of cancer<\/a>\u2014only 200 cases or so of adrenal cancer are diagnosed per year in the United States, according to cancer.org<\/a>. They gave her six to nine months. True to her personality<\/a>, Harriet fought; she had surgery, then chemo, then more chemo and more surgery. She extended her life for 15 months. She taught me the meaning of time. She wanted as much as she could get.<\/p>\n

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During those 15 months, I had a full-time practice, a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old, and less time than ever. But I knew I had to make time. Time to spend with her, time to go to the hospital, time to shop together, time to talk, time to laugh, time to grieve<\/a>, time to say everything we could think of to say to each other before she passed. If you asked me where I got the time, I couldn\u2019t tell you. I just made it. Harriet taught me the value of time. I stopped saying, \u201cI don\u2019t have enough time.\u201d I realized that time is priceless, and that I had more control than I had previously thought.<\/p>\n

We choose how to spend our time every day.<\/p>\n

In couples\u00a0and marriage counseling<\/a>, I often hear frustrated couples complain, \u201cWe don\u2019t have time for date nights,\u201d or, \u201cWe don\u2019t have time to work on our relationship.\u201d There are too many tasks, long days at work, food shopping, laundry, homework, after-school activities, sports, and lessons. The list never ends.<\/p>\n

My response is, \u201cYou have to make the time.\u201d If your relationship, your marriage, and the future of your family are important, become the master of your time.<\/p>\n

You may think it\u2019s impossible, but even small changes can make a big difference. Here are some examples of what my husband, Bob, and I did to master our time over the years:<\/p>\n