{"id":28973,"date":"2015-08-14T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-08-14T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=28973"},"modified":"2017-11-17T13:50:46","modified_gmt":"2017-11-17T21:50:46","slug":"feeling-felt-the-importance-of-adoption-support-groups","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/feeling-felt-the-importance-of-adoption-support-groups-0814154","title":{"rendered":"Feeling Felt: The Importance of Adoption Support Groups"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Friends\u00e2\u20ac\u0153They say they understand, but how can someone who wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t adopted<\/a> know what it feels like?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Sixteen-year-old Lisa\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice trails off as she explains the many frustrating conversations she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s had with her friends about adoption. The other teens sitting in the room nod their heads in agreement.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know, right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d adds Jake, 15. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How can they possibly know what it feels like to miss the mom who gave birth to you or why sometimes birthdays are really hard? Not to mention how uncomfortable it is to hear for the zillionth time, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcWhere were you born?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a different race than my [adoptive] parents.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

More nods from the group.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You guys get it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d laughs Adam. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so cool about this group.\u00c2\u00a0We don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even have to explain ourselves.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

This conversation is one of many that seem to occur each time a group of adopted teens come together for the\u00c2\u00a0support group I co-facilitate in my community. In the group, teens can\u00c2\u00a0exchange stories\u00c2\u00a0and\u00c2\u00a0give and get support. Whether they are talking directly about adoption or not, the common thread of a shared experience puts them on a similar playing field and helps them \u00e2\u20ac\u0153feel felt.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Where Do You Belong?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

[fat_widget_right]The experience of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153not belonging\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is common among those who were adopted. Coming together with others dissolves separations. Most teens come to the first group coaxed by parents, who often explain, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153She probably won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say too much\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll want to stay, so maybe I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll just sit outside.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d That said, we have a 100% return rate so far! The teens who \u00e2\u20ac\u0153won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say too much\u00e2\u20ac\u009d are frequently the ones who open up and expose their vulnerabilities as they share intimate details of their adoption stories to a group that\u00c2\u00a0welcomes each detail and listens attentively.<\/p>\n

Participants in Teen AdoptCONNECT, our support group, include teens who were adopted transracially and domestically, as well as foster and former foster youth. Bringing together teens with varying stories and experiences allows teens to normalize similar issues on a bigger scale. It also further emphasizes the fact that they are not alone, that they belong to a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153tribe.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

AdoptCONNECT is another unique group that invites all adult members of the adoption and foster care community to come together to give and get support. Adult adoptees, adoptive parents, former foster youth, first\/birth parents, and waiting parents sit side by side, exchanging stories, fears<\/a>, challenges, struggles, and wisdom<\/a>. Members share thoughts and emotions<\/a> openly and honestly without the worry<\/a> of hurting someone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s feelings, all while coming to the realization they are not alone.<\/p>\n

You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re Not the Only One<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Support groups are an essential place to express feelings, give and get support, build lasting connections, and ultimately \u00e2\u20ac\u0153feel felt.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The importance of sharing experiences with those who are walking a similar path as you cannot be over emphasized.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span>It is pretty powerful to witness the exchange between an adult adoptee and adoptive parents of an adolescent.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What did you need?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the parents ask.<\/p>\n

The adult adoptee takes a few seconds and tearfully responds, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I needed my parents to realize that I thought about adoption all of the time growing up and that being curious about my biological family wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a threat to them. I wish I could have shared my thoughts with them.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

An adoptive mom cries in relief after hearing another adoptive parent express similar feelings about sometimes not feeling good enough as a parent. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Wow, I thought I was the only one who felt that way.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Why Support Groups Can Be So Important<\/strong><\/h2>\n

My colleague and I started these adoption support groups to serve an unmet need in our community. The groups provide a place for the adoption and foster care community to come together and share stories, ideas, and concerns in a safe environment. Support groups are an essential place to express feelings, give and get support, build lasting connections, and ultimately \u00e2\u20ac\u0153feel felt.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The importance of sharing experiences with those who are walking a path similar to yours\u00c2\u00a0cannot be overemphasized.<\/p>\n

I encourage you to join a group or start a group if you are a member of this community. If you need help with this, please contact me for guidance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Adoption support groups can help parents and adoptees realize they are not alone when struggling with problems or mental health issues stemming from adoption.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2822,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542,623],"tags":[427,31,25],"class_list":["post-28973","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","category-issues-treated","tag-adoption-issues","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-psychotherapy-issues"],"acf":{"author_show":false,"author_name":"","author_role":"","author_avatar":null,"author_profile_url":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28973","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2822"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28973"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28973\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28973"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28973"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28973"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}