{"id":28973,"date":"2015-08-14T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-08-14T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=28973"},"modified":"2017-11-17T13:50:46","modified_gmt":"2017-11-17T21:50:46","slug":"feeling-felt-the-importance-of-adoption-support-groups","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/feeling-felt-the-importance-of-adoption-support-groups-0814154","title":{"rendered":"Feeling Felt: The Importance of Adoption Support Groups"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Friends\u201cThey say they understand, but how can someone who wasn\u2019t adopted<\/a> know what it feels like?\u201d<\/p>\n

Sixteen-year-old Lisa\u2019s voice trails off as she explains the many frustrating conversations she\u2019s had with her friends about adoption. The other teens sitting in the room nod their heads in agreement.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, right?\u201d adds Jake, 15. \u201cHow can they possibly know what it feels like to miss the mom who gave birth to you or why sometimes birthdays are really hard? Not to mention how uncomfortable it is to hear for the zillionth time, \u2018Where were you born?\u2019 because I\u2019m a different race than my [adoptive] parents.\u201d<\/p>\n

More nods from the group.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou guys get it,\u201d laughs Adam. \u201cThat\u2019s what\u2019s so cool about this group.\u00a0We don\u2019t even have to explain ourselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

This conversation is one of many that seem to occur each time a group of adopted teens come together for the\u00a0support group I co-facilitate in my community. In the group, teens can\u00a0exchange stories\u00a0and\u00a0give and get support. Whether they are talking directly about adoption or not, the common thread of a shared experience puts them on a similar playing field and helps them \u201cfeel felt.\u201d<\/p>\n

Where Do You Belong?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\n\t

Find a Therapist<\/a><\/h2>\n\t
\n\n\t\t\t\n\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\tAdvanced Search<\/a>\n\t<\/form>\n<\/div>The experience of \u201cnot belonging\u201d is common among those who were adopted. Coming together with others dissolves separations. Most teens come to the first group coaxed by parents, who often explain, \u201cShe probably won\u2019t say too much\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t think he\u2019ll want to stay, so maybe I\u2019ll just sit outside.\u201d That said, we have a 100% return rate so far! The teens who \u201cwon\u2019t say too much\u201d are frequently the ones who open up and expose their vulnerabilities as they share intimate details of their adoption stories to a group that\u00a0welcomes each detail and listens attentively.<\/p>\n

Participants in Teen AdoptCONNECT, our support group, include teens who were adopted transracially and domestically, as well as foster and former foster youth. Bringing together teens with varying stories and experiences allows teens to normalize similar issues on a bigger scale. It also further emphasizes the fact that they are not alone, that they belong to a \u201ctribe.\u201d
\n<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

AdoptCONNECT is another unique group that invites all adult members of the adoption and foster care community to come together to give and get support. Adult adoptees, adoptive parents, former foster youth, first\/birth parents, and waiting parents sit side by side, exchanging stories, fears<\/a>, challenges, struggles, and wisdom<\/a>. Members share thoughts and emotions<\/a> openly and honestly without the worry<\/a> of hurting someone\u2019s feelings, all while coming to the realization they are not alone.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re Not the Only One<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Support groups are an essential place to express feelings, give and get support, build lasting connections, and ultimately \u201cfeel felt.\u201d The importance of sharing experiences with those who are walking a similar path as you cannot be over emphasized.\u00a0<\/span>It is pretty powerful to witness the exchange between an adult adoptee and adoptive parents of an adolescent.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you need?\u201d the parents ask.<\/p>\n

The adult adoptee takes a few seconds and tearfully responds, \u201cI needed my parents to realize that I thought about adoption all of the time growing up and that being curious about my biological family wasn\u2019t a threat to them. I wish I could have shared my thoughts with them.\u201d<\/p>\n

An adoptive mom cries in relief after hearing another adoptive parent express similar feelings about sometimes not feeling good enough as a parent. \u201cWow, I thought I was the only one who felt that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Why Support Groups Can Be So Important<\/strong><\/h2>\n

My colleague and I started these adoption support groups to serve an unmet need in our community. The groups provide a place for the adoption and foster care community to come together and share stories, ideas, and concerns in a safe environment. Support groups are an essential place to express feelings, give and get support, build lasting connections, and ultimately \u201cfeel felt.\u201d The importance of sharing experiences with those who are walking a path similar to yours\u00a0cannot be overemphasized.<\/p>\n

I encourage you to join a group or start a group if you are a member of this community. If you need help with this, please contact me for guidance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Adoption support groups can help parents and adoptees realize they are not alone when struggling with problems or mental health issues stemming from adoption.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2822,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542,623],"tags":[427,31,25],"class_list":["post-28973","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","category-issues-treated","tag-adoption-issues","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-psychotherapy-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28973","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2822"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28973"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28973\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28973"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28973"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28973"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}