{"id":28813,"date":"2015-08-07T08:00:30","date_gmt":"2015-08-07T15:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=28813"},"modified":"2016-05-23T02:20:47","modified_gmt":"2016-05-23T09:20:47","slug":"help-my-mother-in-law-is-taking-my-husband-away-from-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/dear-gt\/help-my-mother-in-law-is-taking-my-husband-away-from-me","title":{"rendered":"Help! My Mother-in-Law Is Taking My Husband Away from Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is a classic in-law conundrum. Many spouses can feel torn between their responsibilities to their families of origin<\/a> and the families they are creating. It feels like a no-win situation for everyone involved. The quick\u2014and oversimplified\u2014response is that your husband needs to choose which of those families is his top priority and set appropriate boundaries. In reality, however, the issue tends to be far more complex.<\/p>\n

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It sounds as if your husband (and perhaps his mother) believes him to be her sole source of physical and emotional support. Not responding to her needs is quite possibly laden with guilt<\/a> and fear<\/a> for your husband. It also sounds as if you have been incredibly accommodating (living with you for 14 months?) but that you are tired of being patient<\/a> and feeling less important.<\/p>\n

If you both can feel like you are on the same side, I suspect the pressure each of you feels will be reduced tremendously.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fighting about it and competing with his mother for attention will only result in hurt feelings all around and a growing distance between you and your husband. When partners feel forced to choose, some will choose parents over partners; this can do irrevocable damage to relationships<\/a>. I recommend that you seek out and work with a couples counselor<\/a> to find ways to support each other as you navigate this dilemma together. Hear him when he says he feels \u201cstuck.\u201d He doesn\u2019t see a viable solution, so working with someone who can offer a broader perspective and help you remain a team is very important.<\/p>\n

It sounds as if your husband might also benefit from working on how to set workable boundaries with his mother without feeling the guilt he\u2019s likely experiencing. Through that process, he will need empathy<\/a> from you. When you feel (naturally) frustrated, try to imagine your husband stuck in the middle of a tug-of-war between wanting to meet your needs and wanting to meet his mother\u2019s. Then imagine you and your husband pulling together in the same direction. If you both can feel like you are on the same side, I suspect the pressure each of you feels will be reduced tremendously.<\/p>\n

Best of luck,
\nErika<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Erika Myers, MS, MEd, LPC, NCC, responds to our latest reader-submitted Dear GoodTherapy.org question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2592,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[625],"tags":[522,382,393,25,41],"class_list":["post-28813","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-goodtherapy","tag-dear-gt","tag-family-of-origin-issues","tag-family-problems","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-marriage-counseling-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28813","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2592"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28813"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28813\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28813"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28813"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28813"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}