{"id":28570,"date":"2015-07-17T08:00:43","date_gmt":"2015-07-17T15:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=28570"},"modified":"2016-05-23T02:20:15","modified_gmt":"2016-05-23T09:20:15","slug":"it-was-only-flirting-but-now-my-husband-doesnt-trust-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/dear-gt\/it-was-only-flirting-but-now-my-husband-doesnt-trust-me","title":{"rendered":"It Was Only Flirting, but Now My Husband Doesn’t Trust Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

With the intensity of the feelings you and your husband are experiencing, I imagine two weeks feels like a long time. In reality, and especially considering your husband’s preexisting trust issues<\/a>, two weeks is a small blip on the radar. My sense is that it is going to take quite a bit more time and work to come back from this.<\/p>\n

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Because it has only been a couple of weeks\u2014and it does sound like there has been some progress made\u2014it seems possible that you two might be able to work this through on your own. However, because trust has always been somewhat of an issue for your husband, it might be valuable to consider partnering with a couples therapist<\/a>. Couples therapists are trained and experienced in working through issues very similar to the one you and your husband are experiencing.<\/p>\n

Trust is not a static quality in relationships<\/a>; it ebbs and flows throughout the course of a relationship based on personal insecurities<\/a>, jealousy<\/a>, life changes<\/a>, actions that breach trust, and many other things. When the trust levels in a relationship are low, it is important for couples to acknowledge this and work on it. While fluctuations in trust are normal, unaddressed trust issues are a recipe for disaster.<\/p>\n

While fluctuations in trust are normal, unaddressed trust issues are a recipe for disaster.<\/span><\/p>\n

It sounds like you are acknowledging the validity of your husband’s feelings and accepting your role in the situation. This, along with patience<\/a> and a willingness to continue to work on healing\u2014again, ideally with a therapist\u2014is really all you can do. Hopefully, your husband will also be willing to commit to the process of healing from this experience, as well as a deeper exploration of the trust issues he seems to have brought into your marriage. Getting to the root of his trust issues is an important part of your path forward together, and until you do that, continuing to have compassion<\/a> for your husband and the pain of his past betrayal is important.<\/p>\n

It sounds like recovering from this is going to be a longer and more painful process than you were expecting. While I can’t make any guarantees about outcomes, this could end up leading you and your husband to much deeper trust and greater intimacy<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Respectfully,<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sarah Noel, MS, LMHC, responds to our latest reader-submitted Dear GoodTherapy.org question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2396,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[625],"tags":[522,384,25,41,388],"class_list":["post-28570","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-goodtherapy","tag-dear-gt","tag-infidelity-affair-recovery","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-marriage-counseling-relationships","tag-trust-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28570","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2396"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28570"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28570\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28570"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28570"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28570"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}