
{"id":28367,"date":"2015-06-23T08:00:07","date_gmt":"2015-06-23T15:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=28367"},"modified":"2019-05-24T09:31:46","modified_gmt":"2019-05-24T16:31:46","slug":"4-things-you-need-to-know-about-moving-on-from-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/4-things-you-need-to-know-about-moving-on-from-grief-0623155","title":{"rendered":"4 Things You Need to Know about &#8216;Moving On&#8217; from Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-40174 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/leaving-iris-on-grave-300x198.jpg\" alt=\"Woman&#039;s hand leaving flower on tombstone\" width=\"300\" height=\"198\" data-id=\"28489\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/leaving-iris-on-grave-300x198.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/leaving-iris-on-grave.jpg 700w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>The phrase \u201cmoving on\u201d is common in the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/grief\">grief and loss<\/a> world, but it isn\u2019t very well understood or, frankly, all that helpful.<\/p>\n<p>What does it mean? What does moving on look like? How does one actually do it?<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, there isn\u2019t a clear answer to those questions.<\/p>\n<p>However, there are things it can be helpful to know about \u201cmoving on\u201d after the death of a loved one, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/divorce\">divorce<\/a>, or other painful life event.<\/p>\n<h2>1. You Are Not Responsible for How Others Feel about Your Grief Process<\/h2>\n<p>Typically, it feels like what those around us mean by \u201cmoving on\u201d is for us to stop hurting, stop talking about it, stop remembering, stop crying, and just stop grieving. They talk about wishing we would stop dwelling on the hurt and encourage us to just let go and accept what happened.<\/p>\n<div class=\"content-fatwidget align-right\">\n\t<h2><a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/find-therapist.html\" target=\"_blank\">Find a Therapist for Grief<\/a><\/h2>\n\t<form action=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/search-redirect.html\" method=\"get\">\n\n\t\t\t\t<input required name=\"search[zipcode]\" placeholder=\"Enter ZIP or City\" class=\"inline-input\" type=\"text\" \/>\n\n\n\t\t\t<input type=\"submit\" name=\"TOS agreement\" value=\" \" class=\"inline-btn\" title=\"Search\" \/>\n\t\t\t<input type=\"hidden\" name=\"search[concern_treated]\" value=\"44\" \/>\n\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/advanced-search.html\" title=\"Advanced Search\">Advanced Search<\/a>\n\t<\/form>\n<\/div>\n<p>The truth is, what they actually want is for us to stop making <em>them<\/em> uncomfortable about our pain. Let\u2019s face it\u2014being with someone who is in pain and grieving isn\u2019t the easiest of experiences. It\u2019s difficult to watch someone we love hurting so deeply.<\/p>\n<p>But other people\u2019s discomfort with your grief is their business, not yours. You are not responsible for making them feel more comfortable.<\/p>\n<h2>2. Moving On Doesn\u2019t Mean Forgetting<\/h2>\n<p>I suspect that the primary difficulty many of us have with the phrase \u201cmoving on\u201d is that it often feels as if we\u2019re being told to forget our loved one or the relationship we once had.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s not what moving on means. Moving on is more about learning to live what I call a <em>both\/and<\/em> life rather than an <em>either\/or<\/em> life. It\u2019s not about grieving or forgetting, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/happiness\">happy<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/sadness\">sad<\/a>, black or white. It\u2019s shades of gray.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s about learning to live a full and happy life even as you miss and long for what you have lost. It\u2019s about remembering and honoring the one you loved while also embracing the beauty and fullness of the life you still get to live. It\u2019s about the brilliance of your love and the shadow of your loss coexisting in this complex and expansive experience we call living.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"popout-quote-left\" style=\"color: #585544; font-weight: bold; width: 30%; float: left;\">Grief and loss are complex, multifaceted, and multilayered. Loss and our experience of grief are integrated into our lives, not things we get rid of.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>3. Moving On Doesn\u2019t Mean the End of Grief, Either<\/h2>\n<p>Moving on from grief doesn\u2019t mean a static end. It doesn\u2019t mean suddenly we\u2019re done grieving and will never hurt again. Moving on is more about moving forward than being done.<\/p>\n<p>Grief and loss are complex, multifaceted, and multilayered. Loss and our experience of grief are integrated into our lives, not things we get rid of. Grief changes and morphs over time. We get stronger as we carry it, the edges of it round and dull, and with time it begins to take up less space in our lives. It doesn\u2019t simply disappear. Grief can (and will) continue to remind us of our loss throughout our lifetimes, in different ways and at different times.<\/p>\n<p>We move forward with life, embracing the fullness of it, even as our loss becomes part of who we now are.<\/p>\n<h2>4. Ultimately, You Get to Define \u201cMoving On\u201d for Yourself<\/h2>\n<p>People will have all kinds of advice and well-meaning intentions about how you should move on, when you should do it, and what it should look like. They, however, cannot determine that for you.<\/p>\n<p>There are no timelines or rules to the grieving process. You will move through it at your unique pace and not one minute faster. The process of grieving is unique to each of us. No amount of pressure from others can make us move through our process any faster, not in any kind of healthy way.<\/p>\n<p>Only you can know when you are ready to move forward after your loss. Only you can decide what it means to let go or accept the loss you experienced. Only you can truly decide what it means to move on and move forward.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever that looks like for you, it is perfect and right.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When it comes to grief and loss, &#8220;moving on&#8221; looks different from person to person. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and you do it on your timeline.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2923,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542],"tags":[656,31,654,655,25],"class_list":["post-28367","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","tag-and-bereavement","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-grief","tag-loss","tag-psychotherapy-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28367","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2923"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28367"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28367\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28367"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28367"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28367"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}