{"id":28333,"date":"2015-07-03T08:00:09","date_gmt":"2015-07-03T15:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=28333"},"modified":"2016-05-23T02:19:55","modified_gmt":"2016-05-23T09:19:55","slug":"help-my-husband-is-putting-his-hobby-before-our-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/dear-gt\/help-my-husband-is-putting-his-hobby-before-our-marriage","title":{"rendered":"Help! My Husband Is Putting His Hobby Before Our Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

It sounds like you are feeling very alone in your marriage<\/a>. Understandably, that is causing you great pain. I imagine your husband\u2019s rather disinterested, even cold, response to your concerns causes you to feel unloved and like you are just not a priority for him.<\/p>\n

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Is he willing to consider engaging in couples therapy<\/a>? Are you? It seems like it could be very helpful given how far apart you two are on this issue. You are so deeply hurt and unable to get your needs met, and he seems both totally unfazed by your expressions of pain and largely unwilling to make any changes. I wonder if couples therapy could help the two of you to hear each other a bit better. If empathy<\/a> and compassion<\/a> can fill the space between you, you might find some middle ground.<\/p>\n

Is he willing to consider engaging in couples therapy? Are you? It seems like it could be very helpful given how far apart you two are on this issue.<\/span><\/p>\n

I also wonder if middle ground isn’t closer than it seems. It sounds like he is willing to compromise to some degree in that he is planning to work from home one week each month since he is also planning to take one weekend a month to go on photography trips. This may indicate that he has heard you to some degree and is willing to make a change to address your concerns.<\/p>\n

Couples therapy might also provide an opportunity to bring some of your individual issues to light. I wonder what it is like for your husband to have had both of his previous relationships end due to infidelity<\/a>. Does this cause him to keep you at a distance so he doesn’t get close enough to get hurt?<\/p>\n

You indicate that this is your first relationship. It sounds like you had a lot of expectations about what marriage would be like and those expectations are not being met. An exploration of these unmet expectations might produce some valuable insights for you.<\/p>\n

I hope you will both consider seeking out couples therapy to try to bring the relationship to a place that works for both of you. Even if he is unwilling, you might find your own individual therapy<\/a> to be helpful in sorting out your feelings and determining your course of action.<\/p>\n

Best wishes,<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sarah Noel, MS, LMHC, responds to our latest reader-submitted Dear GoodTherapy.org question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2396,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[625],"tags":[522,25,41],"class_list":["post-28333","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-goodtherapy","tag-dear-gt","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-marriage-counseling-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28333","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2396"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28333"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28333\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28333"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28333"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28333"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}