Advanced Search<\/a>\n\t<\/form>\n<\/div>\nWe all exist in a particular context, often fleeting, ever shifting. (This would be related to what Buddhists call \u201cgroundlessness.\u201d) In the case of your friend, you and he shared some very intense experiences in a common setting, but obviously things have changed in more complicated ways than can be assessed by the human eye. It sounds to me like you would have to make an adjustment to \u201cfit\u201d this new situation by listening to the \u201cjibber jabber\u201d of your friend\u2019s politics. Perhaps these politics have become important to him for some reason that blocks more friendly relating. Could you ask him to drop this as a topic? Or is life too short to even bother at this point?<\/p>\n
I was curious about the notion of an \u201cobligation\u201d to him, and I think that warrants further investigation. Why \u201cobligation\u201d? What are the risks of not following this new \u201crequirement\u201d? My sense is that not staying obligated might bring with it a loss of a kind that could be symbolic for you: for example, this friend was like a brother, and losing him might be related to experiencing a brotherly loss of a kind. Maybe you feel you\u2019ve lost too many \u201cfriends\u201d lately. Is there a loneliness losing him might touch on? Or perhaps there are people in your life like him, and for some reason you feel like you \u201cowe\u201d it to them to stay uncomfortable listening to opinions that seriously clash with yours. There is something abrasive about feeling \u201cforced\u201d to listen to political opinions that don\u2019t jibe with yours; it sounds as if it might be more of a monologue than a conversation. \u201cFun for one,\u201d as a friend likes to say. It does you no good to force yourself in such situations. I suppose you could try to \u201cunderstand\u201d his positions, if you\u2019re interested, but that\u2019s a lot of work on your part, and it may or may not be worth it.<\/p>\n
More importantly, why hold on to this particular friendship if it\u2019s no longer fun or friendly? It sounds like your college pal now wants your audience as more than a friend, from what you\u2019ve said. Assuming he\u2019s going to cling to his political points of view, what purpose does it serve by pretending a friendship is there that has changed or even faded away? I get a sad feeling while writing this, since people do come in and then out of our lives in a way that can spark specific feelings in us, depending on who we are and how we process these experiences.<\/p>\n
In short, see if getting politics out of the equation helps, or if by continuing this friendship you are staving off inevitable feelings of loss that, unfortunately, are as difficult in life as connections are rewarding. You seem like a nice, considerate fellow, and I\u2019m hoping there are people in your life whom you can spend more time with, rather than forcing a situation that no longer suits your particular context. Thank you for writing!<\/p>\n
Best wishes,
\nDarren<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Darren Haber, MA, MFT, responds to our latest reader-submitted Dear GoodTherapy.org question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1061,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[625,542],"tags":[389,522,544,25,41],"class_list":["post-26788","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-goodtherapy","category-featured-articles","tag-adjusting-to-change","tag-dear-gt","tag-guilt","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-marriage-counseling-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26788","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1061"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26788"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26788\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26788"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26788"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26788"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}