{"id":26415,"date":"2015-01-23T08:00:41","date_gmt":"2015-01-23T16:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=26415"},"modified":"2016-05-23T02:12:28","modified_gmt":"2016-05-23T09:12:28","slug":"childhood-trauma-left-me-feeling-worthless-and-depressed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/dear-gt\/childhood-trauma-left-me-feeling-worthless-and-depressed","title":{"rendered":"Childhood Trauma Left Me Feeling Worthless and Depressed"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thank you for your question. Boy, oh boy were you put through the wringer. My heart ached to read of your experiences. I suppose the short version of my answer would be to see a therapist soon as you can, if only for the reason that you mention suicidality<\/a> from your teens and depression<\/a> today. This is not to be alarmist, but depression is something you don\u2019t want to go unaddressed for long, more a sign of trauma<\/a> than any \u201ccharacter issues.\u201d<\/p>\n

Clearly, your mother\u2019s traumatic flight and your dad\u2019s withdrawal left psychological scars that now need attending. This is not to blame anyone; the tragedy of mental health issues (you mentioned your father\u2019s depression) is that those afflicted often end up passing on their condition by creating, as the authority figure in the home, a psychological mood or atmosphere of depression, anxiety<\/a>, etc., which children are liable to absorb. They don\u2019t call them the \u201cformative years\u201d for nothing. These wounds are passed along from generation to generation until someone has the courage to say \u201cenough\u201d and get some professional help. The good news is that you are young and in an excellent position to get help, and in so doing, start life over again and find contentment and purposeful living. Your experience, believe it or not, can be a vehicle for compassion<\/a> and empathy<\/a> for others down the road.<\/p>\n

I am a fan of author and psychoanalyst<\/a> George Atwood, who says in his excellent book The Abyss of Madness <\/em>that, to paraphrase, people become depressed when depressing things happen to them. There are so many ways in which your trauma would\u00a0upend anyone\u2019s psyche<\/a>. The most common question people ask me is, \u201cIs this normal?\u201d I usually say I gave up on normal a long time ago. Also, we therapists can relate to the childhoods and suffering of the people we work with more than we sometimes let on.<\/p>\n

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Yet another wounding occurs when the abandonment pain<\/a> is not acknowledged or permitted to \u201cexist.\u201d A depressed parent may withdraw for self-protection and neglect the child, who cannot help but take it personally. Of course, as a young adult you now want to drink alcohol<\/a> and blot it all out. What happened was wounding indeed, but not only were you alone with the abandonment, but you also had no one to even acknowledge or help you cope with its scarring legacy. Thus you were in the impossible situation in that you couldn\u2019t have or not <\/em>have these feelings; the terrible loneliness you experienced was compounded by not having a caring witness to empathize and help bear your very understandable feelings\u2014a kind of solitary confinement.<\/p>\n

You sound like a psychologically resilient person who survived a very difficult upbringing, who cares enough to do something about it now. I would encourage you look for a therapist<\/a> who understands the kind of trauma you experienced, someone who is willing to be patient with you as these injuries to selfhood\u2014which, actually, you seem to have borne quite nobly or you wouldn\u2019t even be writing\u2014begin to heal. Consuming vast quantities of drink or drugs is understandably tempting, but I encourage you not to. In the end, it will only erode your self-esteem<\/a> and, in a sense, repeat the abuse by neglecting the hurt that needs a safe place for healing. You\u2019re worth the effort (even if it doesn\u2019t always feel like it). Thanks again for writing.<\/p>\n

All my best,
\nDarren<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Darren Haber, MA, MFT, responds to our latest reader-submitted Dear GoodTherapy.org question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1061,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[625],"tags":[403,522,161,141,226,25,410],"class_list":["post-26415","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-goodtherapy","tag-abandonment","tag-dear-gt","tag-depression","tag-addiction-drug-alcohol","tag-posttraumatic-stress","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-worthlessness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26415","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1061"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26415"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26415\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26415"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26415"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26415"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}