{"id":25679,"date":"2014-10-22T06:00:28","date_gmt":"2014-10-22T13:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=25679"},"modified":"2014-10-20T09:25:31","modified_gmt":"2014-10-20T16:25:31","slug":"whos-taking-care-of-the-caretaker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/whos-taking-care-of-the-caretaker-1022144","title":{"rendered":"Who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Taking Care of the Caretaker?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"TwoThe other day I was supposed to meet a dear old friend. The last few times we had plans, she canceled last minute because her mother, now 86, needed something. I understood, of course. This time she didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t cancel, but she did tell me we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have to meet for breakfast and it would have to be a quick one because it was her weekend to have her mother at the house and she didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to leave her alone for long. This time, I opened my mouth.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It seems like you have put your life on hold a lot lately, and your siblings don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to do that. When do you get to have a life?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I must have struck a chord because she burst into tears.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153There just isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t time for me,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she said.<\/p>\n

Sound familiar?<\/p>\n

With a growing number of people living longer and more adult children caring for them, this has become an issue of epic proportion. For those who have assumed the major responsibility of caretaking<\/a> for an elderly parent (or two), their overwhelming needs can become a full-time job. Women especially fall prey to the feeling that they must take care of those around them before tending to their own needs (though more and more men are also facing this dilemma).<\/p>\n

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The analogy I like to use\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwhether in relation to a child, partner, or dependent elder\u00e2\u20ac\u201dis the following: when you are flying on a plane, they tell parents to put their oxygen masks on first, and afterward to put on their child\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. The idea being that, when we first take care of ourselves, we can be better<\/em> caretakers\u00e2\u20ac\u201dnot negligent, as we may often feel ourselves to be. Sometimes we are so busy \u00e2\u20ac\u0153giving\u00e2\u20ac\u009d that we don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even realize we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got nothing left to give!<\/p>\n

So, what are some basic guidelines for self-care<\/a> when you are a caretaker?<\/p>\n