{"id":24060,"date":"2014-05-16T08:00:20","date_gmt":"2014-05-16T15:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=24060"},"modified":"2016-05-20T19:58:35","modified_gmt":"2016-05-21T02:58:35","slug":"am-i-having-a-midlife-crisis-or-is-it-something-else","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/dear-gt\/am-i-having-a-midlife-crisis-or-is-it-something-else","title":{"rendered":"Am I Having a Midlife Crisis? Or Is It Something Else?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t buy it, the fade-away stuff. I might go for burnout, considering that your kid just finished college, which implies many years of concerned parenting<\/a>, but really, I have to say that you sound very successful\u2014together with your wife you have created a solid marriage<\/a> and seen your child graduate from UCLA. You must be doing something right, and I urge you to pat yourself on your back; you deserve it. I have the feeling you\u2019ve been working hard for your family\u2014long, hard work can lead to burnout\u2014and now might be the time to take stock and then use some of that energy for yourself. You have completed an important life chapter. It\u2019s time to turn the page and start another.<\/p>\n

You wonder if you are having a midlife crisis, but I wonder what that means, exactly. Boredom? Dissatisfaction with where you are in the world at this particular point in time? You\u2019ve never felt that before? Maybe you\u2019re just tired out, finished with some things, and ready to start some new ones.<\/p>\n

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Turning your attention to yourself is a challenge. Maybe you\u2019d like to improve or make changes in your career, your marriage, or your health choices. Analyzing how to go about any of this, discussing different opportunities with your wife, can be rewarding. You can figure out what\u2019s really important to both of you, your goals, and the steps you need to take to achieve them.<\/p>\n

Perhaps you are having a \u201cmidlife crisis<\/a>,\u201d or perhaps you\u2019re simply depressed<\/a>. I recommend that you speak with a therapist to rule out dysthymia<\/a>, a chronic\u00a0depressive state characterized in part by feelings of hopelessness, ongoing negative beliefs, and a lack of energy for or interest in things you once enjoyed. Having a check-up with a physician is also a good idea. At 48, hormonal changes could account for a\u00a0lack of zest and enthusiasm.<\/p>\n

Whatever the case, it does sound like the spice has gone out of your life. Work. Dinner, TV, dog, bed. Boring. People in their forties or fifties often define their dissatisfactions, if they are feeling them, as age related. At the very least, unhappiness is heightened because you feel like time is running short. Your life is nearly half over, as you write. You feel internal energic changes, or see your parents aging or perhaps passing. I think it\u2019s time for the next big thing.<\/p>\n

People can lose their zest at any age. My prescription for people who feel that they live boring lives is to look around a bit and simply do something different. What are your dreams? What are the things you like to do?<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know you, what your tastes and dreams are, but maybe you could fantasize a bit, or imagine doing your favorite things, then talk to your wife about them\u2014she might have ideas, too\u2014and then spin some of them out together, if they have mutual appeal.<\/p>\n

If she is not interested in doing the same things that you are, so what? Who says you have to do everything together? Many couples have different interests, and that difference can in itself be spicy and stimulating. Doing everything together all the time doesn\u2019t appeal to everyone. A little distance can make for a better relationship.<\/p>\n

Also, who do you know whose life seems ideal? You might ask yourself who you look up to or even envy. That can be a clue, a signal for something you might do on your own or get for yourself\u2014your own version, of course, not a copycat imitation.<\/p>\n

I wonder, also, if you\u2019re not maybe a little afraid to strike out in a different direction, and whether fear is preventing you from living as you would like. All change is scary, but it\u2019s exciting, too.<\/p>\n

The way I see it, you\u2019re a guy in your late forties, and the world is as open as you are. It\u2019s a big world, too, so get started.<\/p>\n

All my best,
\nLynn<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lynn Somerstein, PhD, E-RYT, responds to our latest reader-submitted Dear GoodTherapy.org question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":526,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[625],"tags":[522,161,394,25],"class_list":["post-24060","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-goodtherapy","tag-dear-gt","tag-depression","tag-midlife-crisis","tag-psychotherapy-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24060","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/526"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=24060"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24060\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=24060"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=24060"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=24060"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}