Thank you for writing. I am so sorry this happened to you. It frankly makes my blood boil. This breach and exploitation is exactly what therapists are never<\/i> supposed to do. To me, it\u2019s akin to incest. I\u2019m glad you\u2019re reaching out about it. Despite whatever conflicted feelings you might be having, please know that this was not<\/i> your fault in any way. Maintaining that professional wall and keeping the boundary between healer and client is solely the responsibility of the therapist. Psychological safety and doing no harm is our top priority. It\u2019s heartbreaking that your therapist so violated the sanctity of the relationship.<\/p>\n
Of course, from a psychological viewpoint, this kind of gross violation of boundaries and trust will bring up all kinds of conflicted and traumatic feelings<\/a> for the client. (This is one of many reasons that such a breach indicates the therapist has lost her way in the profession.) What\u2019s especially tragic is that this experience may have parallel emotional resonance for those who were abused<\/a> or neglected as children. One of the most common misperceptions by victims of such abuse is that they think, somehow, in a desperate effort to make sense of a painfully chaotic phenomenon, that they \u201ccaused\u201d or \u201cbrought on\u201d the abuse. Therapy is set up so that it really is all about the client; when this kind of abuse transpires, how can the client help but think (among other things) that the violation is somehow \u201cabout me\u201d? Trust me: This is about a malpracticing therapist.<\/p>\n The feelings you\u2019re having are quite understandable; however\u2014and I hate to say this\u2014they most likely won\u2019t just go away on their own. You allude to this in your letter in that, five years hence, the pain lingers. In a way, it means you have a communicative psyche that needs some sustained, loving attention; you deserve the care and guidance of a competent therapist to help you heal. The fact other therapists wanted you to press charges may be a sign of how seriously we take our oath as healers\u2014it\u2019s enraging when we hear of violations of that oath. However, you are not obligated to do anything that feels too scary or overwhelming. You may want to press charges at some point, you may not. That doesn\u2019t seem to be what you\u2019re needing right now, and such a decision can come later, if ever. It\u2019s not your job to \u201cpolice\u201d anyone. We don\u2019t want to create a situation wherein we \u201cblame the victim.\u201d<\/p>\n