{"id":21688,"date":"2013-10-21T11:00:13","date_gmt":"2013-10-21T18:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=21688"},"modified":"2015-12-07T14:06:31","modified_gmt":"2015-12-07T22:06:31","slug":"30-day-challenge-to-enrich-intimacy-in-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/30-day-challenge-to-enrich-intimacy-in-your-relationship-1021135","title":{"rendered":"30-Day Challenge to Enrich Intimacy in Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"manA colleague of mine encourages people to consider the first day of every month a \u201cNew Year\u2019s Day\u201d of sorts: Instead of one New Year\u2019s resolution, why not mindfully attempt change every month? Imagine what you can do for yourself in only a year.<\/p>\n

A classic self-help tip professes that a new habit can be formed\u2014or an old habit banished\u2014with about 30 days of practice. Having challenged myself to new habits 30 days at a time in 2013, I\u2019m challenging you to begin your own changes today.<\/p>\n

Accept this invitation to tackle a 30-day challenge to enrich intimacy<\/a> in your relationship<\/a>. Start now\u2014don\u2019t wait until the first of the month. Consider which habit(s) would benefit you and your relationship to enrich or enhance intimacy. I\u2019ve drawn up a possible list, pulled from research as well as my professional and personal experience, to help inspire ideas:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Within 30 days, read a book to improve your relationship\u2014people who seek relationship counseling with me are encouraged to read Hold Me Tight<\/i> by Dr. Sue Johnson. Another favorite is The Truth About Love<\/i> by Dr. Pat Love.<\/li>\n
  2. Commit to kissing hello and goodbye. In a fast-paced culture, romantic partners are often like \u201ctwo ships passing in the night.\u201d We miss simple, everyday opportunities to slow down and reconnect with loved ones. For the next 30 days, make a new rule in your relationship: kiss hello and goodbye\u2014no exceptions! (Already doing this? OK, try this one. Make each kiss last at least five seconds; trust me, it\u2019ll feel longer and more intimate than you assume. Imagine your lips on your loved one\u2019s lips, cheek, or neck for the count of one \u2026 two \u2026 three \u2026 four \u2026 five. Now THAT\u2019s a kiss.)<\/li>\n
  3. Add the \u201chug to relax\u201d or \u201cfive-minute hug\u201d to your day, every day, for 30 days. Set a time, and in a standing hug enjoy the waves of experiences you have in your partner\u2019s arms. Notice what each of your five senses is sensing. Notice the smell of your partner\u2019s neck, shirt, hair, etc. What do you hear in the hug? A heartbeat, breathing, or sounds of the environment? Notice the touch of your bodies: Where do you touch? Where do you not touch? Notice the sensation of standing on your feet for a period of time in one place.<\/li>\n
  4. Reduce your complaints and increase praise of your partner for the next 30 days. As with good parenting, we need to balance negative feedback and interaction (\u201cGo do your homework!\u201d) with positive feedback and interaction (\u201cThanks for getting to your chores!\u201d) in our intimate relationships. I often explain to people that we are born to particular caregivers, but when we mature into adults and commit to a relationship, we choose and become \u201cchosen caregivers.\u201d It\u2019s essential that we remember that our spouses are sometimes just \u201ctall kiddos\u201d who need and desire more praise than complaints.<\/li>\n
  5. Last but not least, consider sexual, engaged activity every day for 30 days. Now, this doesn\u2019t have to mean intercourse, orgasm, or even nakedness, for that matter. There is an array of activities we can indulge in to ignite and nourish our sexual selves. Body rubs, hand massaging, bathing together, undressing your partner, spooning, masturbating solo or beside each other\u2014these are just a few ideas for a 30-day challenge.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \n\t

    Find a Therapist<\/a><\/h2>\n\t
    \n\n\t\t\t\n\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\tAdvanced Search<\/a>\n\t<\/form>\n<\/div>Bonus idea straight from a sex therapist\u2019s office: One of my clients\u2019 favorite ideas for being sexual that doesn\u2019t require much of anything is a \u201cwalk down memory lane.\u201d Reminisce together about the hottest sex<\/a> you\u2019ve had together, fire up your memory<\/a> by indulging in a description of what your senses experienced, maybe even come up with a title for this memory as if it were its own sexy movie. Perhaps take the memory a little further by embellishing, elaborating, or peppering some components of fantasy by sprinkling in spicy details you would add if you could go back in time.<\/p>\n

    This isn\u2019t necessarily a go-big-or-go-home challenge, mind you. Take on something you can be successful doing. The goal is to form a new habit, enrich intimacy, and add pleasure to your relationship.<\/p>\n

    Enjoy!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Denise C. Onofrey, MA, NCC – Why wait for the New Year to resolve to make positive changes? Try a 30-day challenge for enriching your relationship’s intimacy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2595,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[31,25,41,139],"class_list":["post-21688","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-marriage-counseling-relationships","tag-sex-therapy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21688","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2595"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21688"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21688\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21688"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21688"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21688"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}