Children<\/a> need to feel loved; if they don\u2019t, they may seek approval elsewhere.<\/p>\nNow let\u2019s talk about how to incorporate these into your daily lives:<\/p>\n
1. Some ways to incorporate physical touch<\/b> include hugging, kissing, child sitting on lap, cuddling during stories, television, or movies, tossing in the air, gentle touches on legs, arms, head, shoulders, etc., back scratches, high-fives and contact sports.<\/p>\n
As kids get older, parents may touch only when necessary, like when helping with clothes or hair. Kids will crave more contact when sick, hurt, tired, or sad. Teenagers, especially boys, will pull back from physical touch. Make sure the touch is positive and at the right time and place. Don\u2019t embarrass!<\/p>\n
Conversely, a negative touch coming from a place of anger can be detrimental.<\/p>\n
2. Words of affirmation <\/b>are ways to give praise and encouragement for what the child does. Since a child\u2019s behavior is something he or she controls, there is a direct effect.<\/p>\n
Be genuine when giving praise. Praising too frequently may have little positive effect, as it can come across as insincere. This can set up an expectation for praise, and create anxiety when it is absent. The way you word praise and your voice tone and volume make a big difference. Words of guidance will be sought elsewhere\u2014from school, TV, peers, or other adults\u2014if not received from parents.<\/p>\n
Although it may seem obvious, words of negativity really hurt, and the greatest enemy of encouragement is anger.<\/p>\n
Make sure to say \u201cI love you\u201d on its own, not with qualifiers such as \u201cbut …\u201d or \u201cwill you …\u201d attached.<\/p>\n
3. Spend quality time <\/i><\/b>with your child. Kids really seem to crave this, especially any one-on-one time. This love language is fairly self-explanatory. It can be going somewhere or just hanging out. Think of those moments when you\u2019re sharing thoughts and feelings, having good, quality conversations. Mealtime, going for walks, story time, or bedtime can be good opportunities.<\/p>\n
4. Giving gifts<\/b> can be one that parents roll their eyes at. Of course kids like gifts! However, it is more about the thought behind it. In a child\u2019s mind: \u201cYou were thinking of me and got it, since I\u2019m important.\u201d Other languages need to be combined with gift giving. It is not a paycheck or bribe, nor should it be a substitute for time spent. As with praise, excess gifts lose their meaning. You can tell gift giving is important if kids express excitement when receiving a gift or based on how it is presented, or display it proudly.<\/p>\n
5. Acts of service <\/i><\/b>is a big part of being a parent, as the list of tasks, errands, and to-do list items never seems to end. Acts of service refers to going above and beyond making sure kids\u2019 needs are met. This could include offering to help with something before they ask, or at least not saying \u201cin a minute\u201d when they do. Encouraging a hobby, checking homework, hosting events for the kids at home, or doing things to make an illness more bearable are other examples.<\/p>\n
To discover someone\u2019s primary language, note the following:<\/p>\n
\n- Observe how they express love to you.<\/li>\n
- Observe how they express love to others.<\/li>\n
- Listen to what they request most often.<\/li>\n
- Notice what they complain about the most.<\/li>\n
- Give them choices between two options.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
You need to show love in all five ways, but try to discover the person\u2019s primary language (or top two or three). When the person is under 5 years old, try to hit all five languages.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Incorporating the five “love languages”\u2014physical touch, words of affection, quality time, gift giving, and acts of service\u2014into the parent-child relationship can help minimize negative feelings and behaviors.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2462,"featured_media":43349,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[31,21,450,51,25,115],"class_list":["post-16791","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-child-and-adolescent-issues","tag-individuation","tag-healthy-parenting","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-self-esteem"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16791","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2462"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16791"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16791\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/43349"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16791"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16791"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16791"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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When counseling parents and their children, I often refer to the \u201clove languages\u201d\u2014an idea coined by Dr. Gary Chapman, a relationship counselor most well known for the Love Languages<\/i> series of books.<\/p>\n