{"id":16378,"date":"2013-01-23T09:00:31","date_gmt":"2013-01-23T17:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=16378"},"modified":"2024-04-01T17:22:06","modified_gmt":"2024-04-01T21:22:06","slug":"getting-naked-its-not-just-about-the-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/getting-naked-not-just-about-sex-0123134","title":{"rendered":"Getting Naked: It&#8217;s Not Just About the Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-43045 size-medium alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/AdobeStock_30972938-300x200.jpeg\" alt=\"GoodTherapy | Getting Naked: It&#039;s Not Just About the Sex\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/AdobeStock_30972938-300x200.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/AdobeStock_30972938-800x533.jpeg 800w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/AdobeStock_30972938-1536x1024.jpeg 1536w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/AdobeStock_30972938-2048x1365.jpeg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>I\u2019ll never forget the first time my friend took me to Elysian Fields, a &#8220;nudist colony&#8221; in Topanga Canyon in the Santa Monica Mountains near Los Angeles. I was twenty-something and petrified; I\u2019m not sure why. I guess I was convinced that everyone would be staring at me and evaluating my body. What a surprise to discover that when we\u2019re naked we all look pretty much alike!<\/p>\n<p>When it comes to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/intimacy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">human intimacy<\/a> (or lack thereof), there are different types of nakedness. During one-night stands, getting naked means exposing a lot of skin\u2014usually rapidly.<\/p>\n<p>A client once told me that she figured she could strip and shower in the locker room with no problems, so why not strip and hook up with a partner she found attractive? She did this several times until she began to tire of the shallowness and yearn for a partnership with more depth\u2014as she put it, \u201csomeone who I can be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/emotion\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">emotionally naked<\/a> with.\u201d Years later she found that person, and discovered that true nakedness was both challenging and rewarding.<\/p>\n<p>Often, people assume that their sessions with me are going to be focused on what\/when\/where with their genitals. They\u2019re often surprised when I suggest we discuss \u201cthe importance of getting naked.\u201d A great deal of honesty and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/trust-issues\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">trust<\/a> can be generated when you are nude with one another, something that rarely develops if the sole purpose of getting naked is to have intercourse.<\/p>\n<p>If you and your sweetheart are new together, or trying to resurrect the newness and the thrill of physical intimacy, here are some thoughts and ideas for getting naked together:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>If you feel your relationship is ready, you might consider undressing one another, or playing strip poker or engaging in lighthearted wrestling. One partner can blindfold the other before undressing him or her; it can be quite thrilling!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>When I suggested to an older, heterosexual couple that they undress each other while dancing, the gentleman\u2019s eyes began to twinkle. \u201cWe might suddenly find ourselves doing the polka!\u201d he said. I explained somberly that I meant a different kind of dance, and we all laughed uproariously. Sex doesn\u2019t have to be so serious.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>For couples who are feeling especially awkward, writer Jay Wiseman suggests getting naked in complete darkness: \u201cEach partner then takes turns examining the body of the other with a small flashlight\u2014one of those little penlight things that excites just enough photons to light up an area the size of your thumbnail.\u201d I know two couples who tried this, eliciting a lot of laughter and \u201cfascinating fantasies,\u201d as one young woman put it. It definitely helped decrease the nervousness of being seen naked all at once, like the scene in <i>The Graduate<\/i> when Dustin Hoffman looks up and Mrs. Robinson is standing in front of him, stark naked!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Guys often worry, as one put it \u2026 \u201cWood good, or wood bad?\u201d He went on to wonder whether he should or should not have an erection, and when said erection should appear. The answer: It doesn\u2019t matter. What does matter here is learning to associate nudity with something other than genital sex.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Occasionally, I\u2019ll suggest to a couple who are fine about nakedness for sex that they get naked simply to talk or hold one another. I find it fascinating that often these couples will find this idea distinctly unappealing\u2014perhaps because this kind of nudity feels too intimate?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Being comfortable in your own skin is an important part of being comfortable and intimate with your partner. If the idea of just being naked together is scary, you may want to consult a therapist. If it\u2019s exciting, go ahead and try it!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jill Denton, LMFT, CSAT, CSE, CCS &#8211; Nakedness invites a certain vulnerability, but also honesty and trust. If being naked with a partner isn&#8217;t as comfortable as you would like, keep these thoughts and ideas in mind.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1044,"featured_media":43047,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[183,31,237,390,409,25,41,139],"class_list":["post-16378","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-anxiety","tag-psychotherapy-practice","tag-body-image","tag-fear","tag-inadequacy","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-marriage-counseling-relationships","tag-sex-therapy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16378","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1044"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16378"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16378\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/43047"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16378"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16378"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16378"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}