{"id":12978,"date":"2012-06-06T11:36:35","date_gmt":"2012-06-06T18:36:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=12978"},"modified":"2024-04-15T17:42:11","modified_gmt":"2024-04-15T21:42:11","slug":"different-shades-of-sexuality-the-psychological-aspects-of-bdsm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychological-aspects-of-bdsm-0606124","title":{"rendered":"Different Shades of Sexuality: The Psychological Aspects of BDSM"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"GoodTherapyIf you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t read the novel yet, you might be 50 shades of curious about why Fifty Shades of Grey\u00c2\u00a0<\/em>is the most-talked-about tale in print currently.<\/p>\n

A quick search will reveal that the romance between the main characters, Mr. Grey and Miss Steele, revolves around bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism (BDSM)<\/a>. In fact, Christian Grey appears to really only get satisfaction from sex when it involves inflicting pain or dominance over his partner, which, following criteria from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders<\/em> (DSM IV-TR) used by mental health professionals to make diagnoses, could be considered a mental disorder called sexual sadism.<\/p>\n

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The DSM IV-TR states that \u00e2\u20ac\u0153sexual sadism involves acts (real, not simulated) in which the individual derives sexual excitement from the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the victim.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d In order to officially be diagnosed with sexual sadism, individuals must meet the following criteria:<\/p>\n

1)\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving acts (real, not simulated) in which the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the victim is sexually exciting to the person.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n2)\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The person has acted on these sexual urges with a nonconsenting person, or the sexual urges or fantasies cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

In the first novel of the series, Christian Grey appears to engage in sexual sadism only with consenting participants (like Anastasia Steele, the main female character), but he openly admits to being abused (including sexual abuse<\/a>) as a child and teenager and appears to be at least somewhat distressed by the fact that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s difficult for him to have a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153normal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d relationship. He even explains to the character Anastasia Steele at one point that this is just the way he is, almost with sorrow. And although he does have \u00e2\u20ac\u0153normal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153vanilla\u00e2\u20ac\u009d sex with Anastasia, he makes it obvious that he prefers sex that involves pain and pleasure at the same time, always with him dominating.<\/p>\n

Anastasia also admits to herself that there is something unusual about Christian and his sexual preferences, but she lets her desire for him take over, and she hopes that she can make him want a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153normal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d relationship with her. She herself has issues with low self-esteem<\/a> and confidence<\/a>, which is perhaps why she is so drawn to the seemingly overly confident Christian. Both characters appear to function as well as the average person in their fictional world, but both have issues that could potentially need to be addressed by a professional if they lived in the real world.<\/p>\n

So it appears that one of the main characters of Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em> may have a diagnosable disorder<\/a> related to sexuality<\/a>, or at least has abnormal sexual preferences and a traumatic past<\/a> that hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been resolved yet. He has major difficulties maintaining any lasting romantic relationship, and yet the relationship between Christian and Anastasia seems to have been received in a somewhat positive light, considering the large following of readers.<\/p>\n

The Experts Weigh In<\/strong>
\nSeveral mental health experts have offered their insight into the unusual relationship found in Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em> (and the two other novels in the series). Reef Karim, a board-certified psychiatrist, the founder and medical director of the Control Center for Addictions, and author of Why Does He Do That? Why Does She Do That?<\/em> and host of the new show Broken Minds<\/em> on the Discovery channel, said that the novel is definitely making people think about normal and abnormal sexuality and possibly changing some people’s minds.<\/p>\n

He said in an e-mail that the main question people are wondering is, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What is normal and abnormal sexual behavior, and when is aberrant sexual experimentation and behavior considered a mental health diagnosis?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The really interesting part of psychiatric diagnoses is that many are based on a behavioral spectrum where the interruption of an individual’s social, relational, occupational, and functional life is a key factor in making the diagnosis,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Karim said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This book has become a literary piece of pop culture that is challenging many to review their thoughts on normative and \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcout of the box\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 sexual behaviors.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

He said that there could be concerns about a link between sadomasochism (S&M) and childhood abuse as well, since that is mentioned in the novel. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153There is definitely a connection, but many people with no psychiatric or psychological history report enjoying BDSM primarily as a novel and alternative way to connect with each other,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Karim said.<\/p>\n

Despite (or because of) the unusual relationship involving pain and pleasure (and emotional issues<\/a>), many women appear to be captivated by the novels. Karim suggests this is because women enjoy having sexual fantasies, but that doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t necessarily mean they want the type of relationship found in the novel to become more than a fantasy. If anything, women might be more prone to sexually experiment during or after reading the novels.<\/p>\n

However, he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think the novel is capable of completely changing sexual norms, so sexual sadism and sexual masochism will most likely still be considered mental disorders according to the DSM in the future. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I believe the novel opens up the conversation of BDSM, kink and sexual norms, but it’s much more in the curiosity range than actually changing research-driven professional medicine,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Karim said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Expecting an increase in sex shop purchases is different than changing a clinical manual.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Karim explains further why the novel is so appealing to women (and men), even with the dysfunctional (and sometimes even depressing) personalities of the characters. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153In regards to sexual research, many women fantasize about submission, and many men fantasize about dominance,” he said. “Even though men and women are more equal than ever in regards to occupation and finances, we are still very different sexes, and definitive gender and role-based fantasies do exist,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he added. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Many people in our society have hidden (or not so hidden) fantasies involving kink, S&M, or altered sexual behavior. 50 Shades of Grey<\/em> has opened up the conversation of previously hidden sexual desires and fantasies of many women.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

He said the novel could help couples become more creative in their sex lives, but going to any extremes is generally not beneficial. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The introduction of BDSM can add to a couple’s sexual tool box, but occasionally it can get out of control,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Karim said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153When extreme behavior leaves the bedroom or involves extremes in the bedroom, it can negatively impact the relationship. I’ve treated couples who use BDSM as a novel, fun experience in a healthy and intimate way, and I’ve treated other couples or individuals who became obsessed with the act or re-created a previous abuse history with a lot of painful markings.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Overall, the BDSM series is encouraging men and women to discuss sexuality more openly with each other. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The book mentions childhood abuse and difficulties with self-esteem that contribute to the psychological make-up of these characters, but it has also found a way to tap into the S&M lifestyle curiosity shared by many men and women,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Karim said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It may actually normalize the behavior, when done in moderation, as not something strange but perhaps just another form of sexual expression. Life isn’t always black and white; sometimes it’s fun to live with a little grey.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Kari Tabag, a licensed clinical social worker, works with adolescents and college-age men and women and has read the series. She said the novel has passages that hint at mental health issues like posttraumatic stress, codependency<\/a>, BDSM, and alcoholism<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Although she agrees that the novel can improve people\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sex lives through fantasy, role play, and experimentation, the sexual expectations people might have after reading the series might be set too high, leading to disappointment. Also, she emphasizes that the actual relationship depicted in the series is very unhealthy in many ways. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Christian and Anastasia\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s relationship is not a healthy one. They are codependent and are too enmeshed with each other,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Tabag said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153A lot of women are codependent and are what I call \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcdaddy hungry.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 This novel depicts two people who have abandonment along with trust issues.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nThere are even more unhealthy aspects of the fictional relationship, according to Tabag:<\/p>\n