The ‘Unsexy’ Moments May Improve Your Intimacy

man-woman-eating-cake-0624137Take actress Mila Kunis, for example. Would anyone describe her as unsexy? Of course not — even when she dons a pair of sweat pants and jaunts around with a stringy ponytail and no make-up, people find her sexy. For women, being sexy is not always about four-inch heels and sexy lingerie.

In fact, according to Natalie Thomas, a writer, editor, and wife, sexiness is derived from a collection of moments in both lingerie and sweat pants. Thomas thinks that the belief that women should always look their best for heterosexual men is quite antiquated, and actually does a disservice to intimacy in heterosexual relationships. Women who think that they shouldn’t wear comfy clothes, dress down, or make bodily noises in front of men are setting themselves up for unnecessary work.

Being married means learning everything about your partner. It means being exposed to each other’s deepest, darkest fantasies, fears, and desires. It means seeing into the nooks and crannies of one another’s souls, minds, and bodies. Intimacy is born out of those moments when we are most ourselves, when we are vulnerable, when we are weak.

That doesn’t mean all effort to impress should be tossed out the window with the bridal bouquet. Instead, Thomas thinks that heterosexual men want women who can totally knock their socks off when they ramp up the sex appeal, but who can still take their breath away when they appear in the bathroom doorway with bed head and dragon breath.

Real love is grown in the Petri dish of real life. It is not an illusion created with the smoke and mirrors of hot red lipstick and sexy underwear. “Real life isn’t sexy — it’s messy, cringe-worthy and, at times, ugly.” Thomas adds, “But it’s also deep, authentic, meaningful and funny.” And real love is exactly the same: messy and beautiful all at the same time.

Thomas, Natalie. (2013). The relationship advice you can stop taking now. Huffington Post (n.d.): n. pag. 1 May 2013. Web.

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  • julia.k


    June 24th, 2013 at 11:55 PM

    this is so true.when you are more than just dating you are bound to know, see and hear more of each other.this is normal and totally fine.a few friends think this is gross, but there is no way to hide or get rid of this.coming together is what this is.and when love sails through all of this it does become even stronger.

  • Sophia


    June 25th, 2013 at 4:11 AM

    Thank you so much- I needed that little reminder today! Sometimes I wonder if I am doing enough to keep the marirage “hot”. Enough lingerie? Have the hair done right?
    But it’s about more than that- it’s our collection of the past and anticipation of the future together that can often be just as “hot”.

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