Your next therapy appointment is approaching, and you’re wondering what you might talk about. Nothing “exciting” has happened recently. You’re not upset about anything in particular. There’s been no drama. You’re actually feeling pretty good.
You think to yourself, “There’s no point in going. I might as well cancel.”
Here are some reasons you shouldn’t.
Therapy isn’t helpful only in times of crises. It can serve the purpose of ensuring the maintenance of healthy coping strategies. It can be a place to investigate alternative ways of looking at situations that have the potential to be “bigger” so they don’t end up being seen as flash points, but rather as manageable moments to employ useful skills and tools. In addition, themes and patterns that emerge over time might be more easily acknowledged in a session not devoted to crises.
People I work with often mention they thought on the drive over they had nothing to talk about but were amazed to discover there was quite a bit to explore. Once more immediate challenges are dealt with, there are opportunities to dig beneath the surface and work on the core issues that underlie everyday struggles.
Sometimes, hesitating before a session signals you might be close to working on something of great importance. That hesitation might represent fear or apprehension. It’s helpful to share with your therapist that you considered canceling, as well as the feelings that came up for you.
Therapy is work; it’s not supposed to be easy. It requires being open to different perspectives, trying new things, making changes, being honest with yourself and with others, and doing things that are difficult or challenging.
You might not be aware of things your therapist is seeking to explore with you. A seemingly simple question might serve to elicit a lot of material—important content you hadn’t even realized was there.
If you believe your work in therapy is done and you’re thinking you’ll call in the future if things aren’t going well, communicate this intention in person. When contemplating terminating therapy, it’s important to discuss it in session with your counselor so it is carried out therapeutically. It is a wonderful chance to concretely take stock of the progress you’ve made and the strategies you will take with you. It’s imperative you review the supports you have set up as well as the plan you will be putting in place for how to handle stressors or triggers that may challenge you going forward. Allow for that closure. Otherwise, you may leave without full awareness of what you’ve accomplished and without being completely cognizant of the tools you have at your disposal, should you need them. It’s also the perfect opportunity to demonstrate communicating effectively something that might be difficult to express.
As a therapist, I am grateful when a person I work with feels comfortable enough to bring their uncertainty to me. It demonstrates the person is feeling strong enough to do so and is not avoiding the expression of their thoughts, often indicative of progress.
Saying goodbye is not always easy, but it is often best said in person, with the parameters for reengagement clearly mapped out. It’s possible your therapist will respectfully disagree with your assessment and encourage you to continue in therapy. It is important to hear that and consider that feedback in your decision-making process.
Wanting to cancel may be as much a part of the therapeutic process as attending your sessions regularly. It may signal it is time to review your original counseling goals to see whether they’ve been met, or whether in fact you and your therapist have gone in a different direction. Acknowledging your ambivalence can give you and your therapist an opening to get back on track with regard to the counseling goals, or the chance to create new objectives.
As a therapist, I am grateful when a person I work with feels comfortable enough to bring their uncertainty to me. It demonstrates the person is feeling strong enough to do so and is not avoiding the expression of their thoughts, often indicative of progress.
Showing up and then articulating your inclination to cancel can serve to strengthen the therapeutic alliance and deepen the work you do in counseling. It demonstrates you are acknowledging your thoughts and feelings rather than taming them into submission or sweeping them under the rug, and that you are willing to communicate directly rather than avoiding or ignoring.
If you’re thinking of canceling, show up instead, talk about it, and with your therapist, collaboratively navigate how best to handle those moments going forward.
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.
What to Do Before Scheduling Your First Therapy Session
When You Come to Therapy with ‘Nothing to Talk About’
Why ‘Time’s Up’ in Therapy Should Be Difficult to Hear
