As children, talking with our parents about sex (or more like them talking at us) was probably super awkward, if it happened at all. Maybe you remember an adult fumbling through funny phrases, handing you something to read, or blurting out “wait until you’re older!” They meant well, but the whole interaction was not helpful, which is why so many parents today want to do it differently.
The traditional sex talk with kids is a myth that needs debunking. Research shows that one awkward conversation isn’t enough to prepare children for the complex world of relationships, bodies, and sexuality they’ll navigate throughout their lives.
Parenting has changed from the do-as-I-say days that most of us grew up with. Now, kids and adolescents are exposed to more sexualization in the media, have more unfettered access to sexual information, and receive less sex education in schools. Did you know some schools do not even require medically accurate sex education? That is a terrifying combination, but there is some good news.
When kids have a trusted adult to talk with about sex, it can help them develop self-esteem, have healthy relationships, prevent intimate partner violence, and guide them to make informed decisions about their bodies and behaviors later in life.
For all of these reasons, the traditional sex talk with kids needs a serious makeover. Instead of one uncomfortable conversation, parents need to embrace ongoing dialogue that evolves with their child’s development.
This important topic can feel super uncomfortable, which is why so many parents want the relief that comes from “getting it over with.” However, breaking the conversation into smaller parts is actually better for parents and kids. Spreading conversations across different stages of a child’s development helps:
Initiating conversations about sex and incorporating those conversations into the relationship you have with your child puts you in the driver’s seat. You become their go-to person. It also increases the trust they have for you and creates a safety net around them.
Shifting the focus away from the physical act of sex and more toward human development plus healthy relationships can make the whole concept of “the talk” more appealing. Not that parents will look forward to it all of a sudden, but they will likely feel more prepared.
That moment of readiness parents long for is more like a soft whisper than a bull horn at the start of a race. It is not so much about being 100% ready; it is more like being ready-ish.
Kids are naturally curious. If their initial questions are met with awkward silence, stumbling over words, or a quick topic switch, they get the message that certain topics are off limits.
When parents avoid conversations about bodies, boundaries, and sex out of fear or uncertainty, it does not stop a child’s curiosity, it just shifts who kids learn the information from. In today’s world, that source is more likely to be the internet than a friend or older peer.
Even a developmentally appropriate, very innocent search could have long-lasting consequences. According to the 2025 Common Sense Census, children ages 0-8 spend an average of 2.5 hours per day on screens. That number jumps to 7.5 hours each day for school-age kids. Meanwhile, 90% of kids ages 12-18 have been exposed to online pornography.
Although porn exposure is usually accidental, kids cannot unsee it once it happens, and their developing brains are not mature enough to fully understand what they saw. That is where you come in.
When parents talk with their children early and often about sexually-related topics, their kids are more likely to delay sexual activity, have fewer partners, and make safer choices.
This is not about one big conversation but many small conversations. The need to step into these conversations sooner rather than later is important because your involvement makes a difference.
“Even if you do not feel fully prepared, even if your kid rolls their eyes, even if you wish you started years ago, it is never too late to begin having ongoing conversations about sex with kids.”
If your child is between preschool and high school, chances are they already began picking up messages about sex, directly and indirectly. Beginning these conversations now means you are choosing to be a steady voice in their over-sexualized world.
Remember: you do not have to tackle everything all at once. A few short, honest conversations over time are more effective (and less intimidating) than a one-time, high-pressure talk.
Use everyday things like a song lyric, magazine cover, movie image, billboard, or social media post to gently lead into conversations. These teachable moments feel less forced than sitting down for a formal talk.
Familiarize yourself with proper names for body parts to avoid slang terms. Using correct anatomical language normalizes body talk and helps children communicate clearly if they ever need to report inappropriate behavior.
Answer honestly to build trust. If you don’t know the answer to a question, say so and commit to finding the information together. This models lifelong learning and shows your child that curiosity is valued.
Tell them just enough to satisfy their curiosity at their developmental level. You don’t need to overwhelm a 5-year-old with information meant for a teenager. Follow their lead and answer what they’re actually asking.
If you are unsure what to say without saying too much, that’s super common.
If you simply want to get it right, you are in good company.
If you worry about freezing when your kid asks a question you did not expect, you are not alone.
So many parents want the exact same things and have the same concerns. The good news? It is absolutely possible to make your relationship with your child a safe space where they can ask sex-related questions and get honest answers without discomfort for either of you.
The myth of “the sex talk” has done more harm than good for generations. By embracing ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about sex, bodies, relationships, and boundaries, you give your child the gift of informed decision-making and emotional security.
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present, honest, and willing to keep the conversation going. Your involvement matters more than you might think, and it’s never too late to start building this foundation of trust and openness with your child.
Common questions parents have about having the sex talk with kids:
A: You can start as early as age 4-5 with basic body part names and concepts of privacy. By age 6-7, introduce simple concepts about where babies come from. The key is providing age-appropriate information that matches your child’s developmental stage and curiosity level. Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that early, ongoing conversations lead to better outcomes than waiting for one “big talk” during adolescence.
A: It’s perfectly okay to say “That’s a great question. Let me think about the best way to explain that to you, and we can talk about it after dinner (or tomorrow).” This gives you time to gather your thoughts and research age-appropriate answers. The important thing is to follow through on your promise to continue the conversation.
A: Follow your child’s lead and watch their body language. If they seem satisfied with your answer and move on to another topic, you’ve given them enough. If they ask follow-up questions, continue the conversation. Generally, answer the specific question they’re asking without volunteering additional information they haven’t requested. Planned Parenthood offers age-specific guidelines that can help you gauge appropriate information levels.
A: Stay calm and don’t overreact, as shame can make the situation worse. Ask open-ended questions about what they saw and how it made them feel. Explain that what they saw doesn’t represent real relationships or sex, and reassure them they’re not in trouble. Use this as an opportunity to have a conversation about healthy sexuality versus what’s portrayed in pornography. Consider consulting with a therapist who specializes in children if you need additional support.
A: Ideally, yes. When both parents (or caregivers) participate in age-appropriate ways, it normalizes the topic and shows children that these conversations are important and not gender-specific. However, it’s also fine for one parent to take the lead if that’s what works best for your family. The most important factor is consistency and comfort level of the adult having the conversation.
A: Start by identifying your family’s values around relationships, intimacy, and sexuality. Frame conversations within these values while still providing medically accurate information. You can say things like “In our family, we believe…” or “Our values teach us that…” This approach allows you to share factual information while also conveying your family’s moral or religious perspectives.
Parenting in today’s world comes with unique challenges. A therapist can help you navigate difficult conversations, strengthen family communication, and build the confident parenting skills you deserve.
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org.