My Therapist Cries during Our Sessions; Is This Normal?
I appreciate your comment about therapists who cry, and I understand that it makes you uncomfortable. From the outside, I can’t know the exact cause of your therapist’s tears, but there are several possibilities.
Had your therapist been sobbing uncontrollably, the issues you shared may well have triggered something personal within her—a sign that she could benefit from doing her own therapy and is probably not fit to help you. Most experienced therapists who have done their own therapy have become comfortable with painful places most would rather avoid and, as a result, are well equipped to embody a state of compassion and to not feel overwhelmed or triggered by the issues they treat. These therapists are particularly adept at guiding people through the therapeutic process. But therapists who haven’t addressed certain personal wounds or issues in their own therapy are usually limited in helping people with similar wounds or issues.
That said, tears are more often a sign of empathy—a normal, healthy, and sincere human process of relating emotionally to the experience of another. Receiving empathy can help us feel safe and understood, strengthening the bond of trust between therapist and person in therapy. Sometimes one of the explicit goals of therapy is for people to become comfortable with vulnerable feelings. And often, a therapist transparently displaying empathy for a person helps that person foster self-compassion. I say “often” because for some, and perhaps for you, the experience instead feels uncomfortable. So, therapists cry when a person’s experiences reflect their own.
One thing is clear: your therapist’s emotions make you feel uncomfortable. So before stopping therapy, perhaps you can take this opportunity to explore why you feel this way. Are you uncomfortable with vulnerability? Is it difficult for you to receive empathy? Do you expect therapists to be superhuman and detached? Could this be an excuse to avoid therapy because it’s difficult to explore your wounds?
I highly encourage you to talk with your therapist about how her crying made you uncomfortable. Finding a therapist who is less triggering may feel easier, but it could be less productive if it avoids a deeper issue. Of course, if your therapist starts crying when you tell her this, then yeah, don’t feel bad about finding another.
Kind regards,
Noah