According to results of a recent study, spouses should tread lightly when forming bonds with in-laws. Terri Orbuch, a professor and psychologist at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan, recently spoke about the findings of a study she has been conducting that spans more than 25 years. Orbuch originally interviewed 373 newlywed couples in 1986 and has been following them to assess their relationships. One of the factors she has examined is the dynamic of the in-law relationship. Orbuch found that the husbands who had close relationships with their in-laws were 20% less likely to divorce than those who had strained in-law bonds. However, this type of intimate family tie did not have the same effect for wives. In fact, wives who were very close to in-laws were more likely to divorce than those who kept their distance.
These results seem to fly in the face of conventional wisdom. One would think family harmony and close bonds would strengthen a marital relationship. But Orbuch believes these findings are not all that surprising. Men, she says, see their primary role as provider, not husband, son, or father. Women, on the other hand, may have difficulty distinguishing between in-law closeness and meddling. “They interpret what their in-laws say and do as interference into their identity as a spouse and parent,” Orbuch said.
The data from this study shouldn’t scare wives into running as fast and as far away as they can from their husbands’ families. It should, however, provide some guidance into navigating delicate in-law relationships. Orbuch suggests that parents should embrace sons- and daughters-in-law but remember that daughters-in-law may be more sensitive to advice and input. Orbuch also recommends that husbands treat their wives’ family members as they would treat their wives—with love and respect. Wives should do the same, but should also set clear boundaries when it comes to issues related to the marriage, personal problems, or parenting. This will allow in-laws to maintain a level of involvement without imposing on the relationship.
Reference:
Bernstein, Elizabeth. The power of the son-in-law. The Wall Street Journal. N.p., 26 Nov. 2012. Web. 28 Nov. 2012. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323713104578137222992767676.html
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