Four Common Myths About Female Orgasm

Young couple kissing covered in streamersFemale orgasm is a bit of a topic du jour these days, but still I find that there are many pervading myths and a lot of mystery around what is true and what is not true about female orgasm.

Let me first talk to you about the sexual response cycle. The first phase of the sexual response cycle (the phases are true for men and women) is the excitement phase. In this phase the woman experiences increased blood pressure in the vaginal walls and lubrication. The plateau stage is the second phase where the muscles in the vaginal area experience swelling. The actual orgasm is the third phase, which consists of a number of muscular contractions. After the climax, women reach the fourth phase, or resolution period, with relaxation of muscles and return to normal breathing. We are going to focus on the third phase in this article. However, I want my opinion to be known. These are the scientific definitions of the phases an individual goes through leading up to an orgasm. It is not necessary for every sexual act to have all four phases. Sex should be enjoyed between individuals and not be based solely on this model.

Myth #1: All women should be able to have multiple orgasms, and if a woman cannot, then there is something wrong with her. This is not true. Some women are able to achieve multiple orgasms, but not all women. The important thing to remember is that every woman is created differently and is wired differently. Some women experience a refractory period similar to males.

Myth #2: Women should be able to achieve a G-spot orgasm. The existence of a G-spot is still under debate. Some women enjoy a sensation experienced in the upper area of the vagina, which is thought to be the G-spot, but not all women necessarily experience this.

Myth #3: Women should be able to orgasm during intercourse. This is definitely not always true, and in fact many women do not experience orgasm during intercourse at all. It has been reported that the vast majority of women, something like 75%, experience orgasm via clitoral stimulation only. Stimulating the clitoris manually, orally, or otherwise is the orgasm of choice for a large majority of women. The clitoris is at the top of a women’s labia above the vagina but below the pubic bone. Some women can orgasm during intercourse, but this should not be assumed.

Myth #4: If a woman doesn’t orgasm, something is wrong with her or she is not enjoying sex. Again, definitely not true. There is a lot of focus in our culture on orgasm. But sex can and should be enjoyable without orgasm always being the goal. Enjoying sex, being relaxed, and feeling safe and comfortable are the first steps in ensuring women’s arousal. If she’s aroused and having a good time, then sex should be considered a success.

The bottom line is that every woman is created differently. While one woman may achieve orgasm via intercourse, another woman may prefer oral or manual stimulation of her clitoris; one woman may achieve vaginal orgasms, and another woman may squirt, and so on. The best way to know what type of woman you are or what type of woman you are with is through exploration, paying attention to body language and reactions, and good old-fashioned communication.

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  • Gardner


    June 4th, 2012 at 3:20 PM

    Jeez louise!
    This is the 2nd article I have run across just today on the female orgasm!
    Is this female big o month and I have somehow missed it?

  • Ker


    June 4th, 2012 at 3:25 PM

    The phrase “achieve multiple orgasms” bothers me. It’s not a contest or a competition, but we still use competitive language. The tone of the rest of the article is so welcoming, I found this phrase jarring.

  • Jocelynn S

    Jocelynn S

    June 4th, 2012 at 5:08 PM

    I really would like to print out these myths and subtly slip them to my boyfriend. I love him to death, but I guess that because he thinks that sex is all about the “big finish” for him that it has to be that way for me too, and as a female I can honestly say that it is not always like that. Sure, orgasm is great, wonderful, but it is not the end all and be all. I just like being close to him, and typically no matter how long we have intercourse, it’s just not going to happen for me that way. I wish that I was brave enough to say those words to him, but I can’t!

  • adelaide


    June 5th, 2012 at 4:21 AM

    I love this piece.
    It says exactly what so many of us have been thinking and dealing with for a long time.
    If I like having sex, then who cares if you achieve orgasm every single time?

  • LiLi


    June 5th, 2012 at 3:55 PM

    I am just going to go out on a limb and say that while orgasm may not matter to some of you girls out there, for the rest of us they matter a whole lot! I’m sorry , but what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and if they guys are working toward that in the end, then why shouldn’t the gals do the same thing? Maybe reading this will teach some of those men that we need a little extra care and attention when it comes to pleasure, and that there has to be a little more than intercourse to get the job done right!

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