Don’t Fear Dating in Your Older Years

Older couple on a dateDating sites are quickly becoming the most common way to meet people. There are sites tailored to every passion, age, and gender. Even those in relationships can find websites dedicated to finding people who are open to polyamory or encouraging infidelity. Websites targeted to older people are springing up everywhere, too. Senior sites and sites for people over 50 are becoming extremely popular. This could be due to the fact that many people don’t feel compelled to hit the bar scene or the social circuit as they mature. Perhaps that was how they met their previous partner. But according to a recent article by Lisa Firestone, author, psychologist, and relationship expert, there are numerous advantages for people who date later in life.

Firestone admits that one of the biggest and easiest to overcome hurdles related to dating in our 40s, 50s, and beyond is that we feel we are too old to fall in love. Firestone thinks that if approached in the right way, dating later in life can be the most rewarding experience of all. She says that many of us find ourselves repeating old patterns and winding up with the same type of partner in every relationship. Rather than see this as a negative, Firestone suggests taking advantage of our experiences as a chance to look at the patterns in our past relationships. We can examine what we have done in the past, as well as the type of person we are attracted to and why. We can look long and hard at the motives for our actions and why we feel we are led to repeat the same mistakes. Once we are armed with that information, we can then break these habits and move on to relationships that will provide us with respect, companionship, and love.

As we enter our golden years, dating actually becomes easier. According to Firestone, by the time we hit our 40s and 50s, we are more independent than we were decades before. There is no pressure to find someone to build a family with because we often already have established families. There is little need for financial support because most of us have found our financial footing and have learned how to rely on our own resources. In-law spats are less dramatic, college financing is most often a thing of the past, and individual identities are formed and solidified. “Instead, you are simply looking for true companionship — someone who makes you happy, a person you enjoy spending your time with,” says Firestone. When two people can come into a relationship whole and secure without expectations of unrealistic needs being met, all that’s left is to have fun with each other. And that’s what dating should be, at any age.

Reference:
Firestone, Lisa. (2013). Advantages of dating after 40. (n.d.): n. pag. Huffington Post Healthy Living. Web. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-firestone/dating-midlife_b_2919429.html

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  • christa t

    christa t

    April 9th, 2013 at 3:53 AM

    I want my mom to get back out into the dating scene but she is so afraid of getting hurt again I am not sure that there will be anything that could compel her to try it again. My dad hurt her and she has tried dating a little since the divorce but she always feels like the men have some sort of ulterior motive (sex, money) and then that scares her away very quickly. I want her to know that they are not all like that and that there are men out there looking for companionship just like she is but I am afraid that she has been burned one too many times and that she might just be ready to give it all up for good. I don’t want her to be alone, she is still so young, but if that’s the choice that she makes, how would I ever change her mind?

  • L.Halls

    L.Halls

    April 9th, 2013 at 11:04 AM

    I was divorced and it stayed that way for a good nine years. When I was 55 I met his great woman who really brought so much life into my otherwise dull life. Today, three years after that period, we are married and are glad we gave each other (and in fact ourselves) another chance. I cannot imagine having to live all alone and without someone to share everything with. Its not taboo anymore either, and that certainly is good news for all the older single people.

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