Do Opposites Really Attract?

November 26, 2012 • By Noah Rubinstein, LMFT, LMHC

Unhappy woman leaning on man If opposites attract, why are famous people such as Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt drawn together? Both are widely considered attractive, they’re wealthy, and they share similar careers and family aspirations. According to a recent article written by columnist Marc Wilson, it’s more likely that similarities draw people together than differences. Spouses tend to have similar values, similar views on family planning, and similar religious beliefs. They often have comparable educational backgrounds and academic records as well.

Wilson believes that people are attracted more to like-minded people than they are to those with opposing views. Wouldn’t you rather engage in a conversation with someone who affirms your attitudes and views than someone who argues with you on every point? Having discussions with someone who makes you feel good about yourself is much more satisfying. This is how most friendships are formed, through mutual interests and perspectives. “We tend to choose friendships, or at least pursue friendships, with people we like, and we also tend to like people who are like us,” Wilson says. And the basis of a strong and dynamic intimate relationship is friendship. But one other aspect cannot be ignored.

Physical attraction is one of the most important elements in the matchmaking process. Even if people swear that “looks don’t matter,” they do for most. One study randomly assigned single people to potential mates that they believed were chosen based on similarity of personal values, beliefs, and character traits. When the individuals met, they are interested in pursuing a second date only when they felt physically attracted to their matches. Wilson theorizes, as do most researchers, that pursuit of physical attraction is an evolutionary, even genetic, impetus. Men choose women based on looks in order to ensure healthy and attractive offspring. Women choose men based on appearance of strength, masculinity, and status. That does not mean that opposites can’t form a loving relationship. It just means that if you’re looking for that “perfect” person, you’d be wise to look for someone who is not only easy on the eyes, but easy on the ego, too.

Reference:
Wilson, Marc. The psychology of attraction. New Zealand Listner (n.d.): n. pag. 14 Nov. 2012. Web. 16 Nov. 2012. http://www.listener.co.nz/lifestyle/psychology/the-psychology-of-attraction/

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10 comments
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Adrian M
November 26th, 2012 at 3:42 PM
I think “opposites attract” is a misnomer..how often do we see individuals that are poles apart form a relationship or friendship.yes it is possible with minor things but the important things need some sort of similarity for a relationship to flourish.

More often than not it is the interests,the level of comfort and physical attraction that all come together when its time for decision making on a relationship.

Reply
Lila
November 26th, 2012 at 4:08 PM
Yes!!!
If opposites didn’t attract then my husband and I would have never even gotten together in the first place, much less stayed together all these years.

Reply
SAFWAN AHMED
November 26th, 2012 at 9:43 PM
Yes opposite attracts for me

Reply
Lydia
November 27th, 2012 at 4:00 AM
I know that I have always said oh looks don’t matter, but after reading this I kind of have to concede that they do.

Don’t think that I am shallow, because I think that I am looking at more than just that. I want someone smart and interesting too. But hey, who doesn’t want to be with a hottie too?

You know that men think that way, why not women?

Reply
flora
November 27th, 2012 at 1:06 PM
I think the saying “opposites attract” didn’t originate without cause or meaning.But opposites don’t really get along.Confused?Well here’s my theory:

The opposite qualities we see in friends or partners are things that are often small and subtle.But the real attributes that are often unseen and at a more subconscious level are often similar for a couple.We just don’t think about it because we are so INTO the other person!

Opposites do attract yes but there are far too many similar qualities that bring people together and little opposites keep them together.

Reply
lesley
November 27th, 2012 at 4:42 PM
I am way more into someone who I respect intellectually then I am that person who might look good today.
Looks fade away, but that intelligemce is always going to be there.
Someone who knows what they believe and why they believe it, man, that’s hot.
Everyone else can have the vapid beauties. There is nothing more beautiful to me than a high IQ and the ability to put that to good use!

Reply
QUINN
November 28th, 2012 at 11:23 AM
There r some things in which having differences is actually a good thing and I suppose that’s what draws people together.But for some other things,things that are crucially important to a relationship to survive,similarity is required.no couple can be exactly similar or have wide differences,its just the different things that come into play.

Reply
jj
November 28th, 2012 at 12:11 PM
I think it depends…are we talking about people with differing personalities? I think that can work but both need to have similar values and think alike.

Reply
wendy g
November 29th, 2012 at 1:19 AM
well opposites attract,but it doesn’t last.I think its more of an inquisitiveness that draws us to people who are different from us.it can even lead to relationships but from my personal experience they don’t really last.what’s required for a lasting relationship is similarity in major views and that’s exactly what keep people together for a long time,something that opposite traits just cannot do for us.

Reply
Daryl K
February 21st, 2018 at 7:54 AM
this is usually a outstanding internet site. I never undergone such good quality satisfied. My opportunity is fairly happy. I am to consider your internet site regurly as well as we imagine you modernize additional. We shall recommend my personal buddies for this place. The knowledge will likely be ideal for option living. I highly recommend these destination to everyone. I like viewing this a great deal. Thank you very much during just like high quality posts.

Reply

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Adrian M

November 26th, 2012 at 3:42 PM

I think “opposites attract” is a misnomer..how often do we see individuals that are poles apart form a relationship or friendship.yes it is possible with minor things but the important things need some sort of similarity for a relationship to flourish.

More often than not it is the interests,the level of comfort and physical attraction that all come together when its time for decision making on a relationship.

Lila

November 26th, 2012 at 4:08 PM

Yes!!!
If opposites didn’t attract then my husband and I would have never even gotten together in the first place, much less stayed together all these years.

SAFWAN AHMED

November 26th, 2012 at 9:43 PM

Yes opposite attracts for me

Lydia

November 27th, 2012 at 4:00 AM

I know that I have always said oh looks don’t matter, but after reading this I kind of have to concede that they do.

Don’t think that I am shallow, because I think that I am looking at more than just that. I want someone smart and interesting too. But hey, who doesn’t want to be with a hottie too?

You know that men think that way, why not women?

flora

November 27th, 2012 at 1:06 PM

I think the saying “opposites attract” didn’t originate without cause or meaning.But opposites don’t really get along.Confused?Well here’s my theory:

The opposite qualities we see in friends or partners are things that are often small and subtle.But the real attributes that are often unseen and at a more subconscious level are often similar for a couple.We just don’t think about it because we are so INTO the other person!

Opposites do attract yes but there are far too many similar qualities that bring people together and little opposites keep them together.

lesley

November 27th, 2012 at 4:42 PM

I am way more into someone who I respect intellectually then I am that person who might look good today.
Looks fade away, but that intelligemce is always going to be there.
Someone who knows what they believe and why they believe it, man, that’s hot.
Everyone else can have the vapid beauties. There is nothing more beautiful to me than a high IQ and the ability to put that to good use!

QUINN

November 28th, 2012 at 11:23 AM

There r some things in which having differences is actually a good thing and I suppose that’s what draws people together.But for some other things,things that are crucially important to a relationship to survive,similarity is required.no couple can be exactly similar or have wide differences,its just the different things that come into play.

jj

November 28th, 2012 at 12:11 PM

I think it depends…are we talking about people with differing personalities? I think that can work but both need to have similar values and think alike.

wendy g

November 29th, 2012 at 1:19 AM

well opposites attract,but it doesn’t last.I think its more of an inquisitiveness that draws us to people who are different from us.it can even lead to relationships but from my personal experience they don’t really last.what’s required for a lasting relationship is similarity in major views and that’s exactly what keep people together for a long time,something that opposite traits just cannot do for us.

Daryl K

February 21st, 2018 at 7:54 AM

this is usually a outstanding internet site. I never undergone such good quality satisfied. My opportunity is fairly happy. I am to consider your internet site regurly as well as we imagine you modernize additional. We shall recommend my personal buddies for this place. The knowledge will likely be ideal for option living. I highly recommend these destination to everyone. I like viewing this a great deal. Thank you very much during just like high quality posts.

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