Lets face it, dating is tough. And it can be even tougher when the people on the date are two men. Why? Because men tend to be extremely visual in their sexual response mode, and when two men get together on a date it can quickly become a high-pressure perfection competition.
First dates are always a challenge to begin with, but when you add in the pressure of acting and appearing perfect it can take that stress and raise it to a whole new level. Suddenly, being yourself is not enough, and a cycle of self-doubt and questioning your value takes over the evening.
This is how the evening plays out. You are on one of those dates where everything seems to go perfectly. The meal is extraordinary. The lighting perfect. The mood enchanting because sitting across from you is a heavenly creature who sets your pulse to racing. As you gaze into those dreamy eyes floating in that divine face sitting across from you, the fears of the world seem to melt away.
Everything is perfect; except you begin to notice something is off with you. As the conversation continues, you realize that you are not being yourself. You find yourself agreeing that you adore cats when in truth you are highly allergic to them. With reasoned intellect, your date states an absolute resistance to ever being a parent and raising children. You emphatically agree that children are a nuisance and the farthest thing from your mind, when in truth having a family of five is one of your lifelong dreams. What’s going on? This isn’t you.
As the date continues, you may notice that you are feeling physically awkward, trying to hold a pose and create an appearance of perfection. You may feel your pulse begin to race as your anxiety builds. Inside of your head, you beat yourself up because you feel you are not good enough for the person sitting across from you.
The desire to appear flawless, the pressure to be both physically and intellectually perfect, creates a false version of you, which is not the way to build the foundation of a strong relationship. When you cannot be your genuine self with the person to whom you are attracted, you put yourself in a submissive position. You end up feeling “less than.”
This suppression of your true self, a total disregard for your beliefs and ideals, creates a false sense of connection with another that is impossible to maintain over a long period of time. Eventually, you will have to take off your mask, let down the façade, and reveal the real you, with all of your faults and foibles. It is at this point that many relationships begin to hit the skids and fall apart.
Start with honesty right there on that first date. Being you is enough. Exuding a sense of self-confidence by being comfortable in your own skin can be an incredible turn on. It makes the date more fun, more relaxed, and more “real” for both of you.
If you find yourself getting lost in what you think your date wants you to be, excuse yourself from the table, walk to the bathroom, and take a good look in the mirror. Remind yourself of your most valued qualities. Remember the amazing and unique energy that you bring to the world. Hold yourself in high esteem and regard.
To set the foundation for an authentically deep connection that can lead to a long and loving relationship, you must risk being yourself at the beginning of a romance. If that’s not enough for the person sitting across from you, better for you to know it on the first date.
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People Pleasing and Looking for Mr./Ms. Right
Pleasing Others to Escape the Bad Person Feeling
Making It Work: Foundations of a Strong LGBT Relationship
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