6 Signs the Single Life Is Right for You Right Now

Woman in athletic clothes sits on rock and looks out at pondLet’s face it: being single can be really hard! No matter your age, people are always asking, “So are you seeing anyone?” or, “Have you met anyone special lately?” Society at large seems to think there’s something fundamentally wrong with being single. There is also a prevailing (and inaccurate) perception everyone wants to be in a relationship or get married.

The truth is, being single can be positive and healthy for any number of reasons. Though it can feel lonely at times, it can be an empowering and healing experience.

Here are six signs being single is a good fit for you for the time being:

1. You Just Got Out of a Relationship

Take time to regroup. Jumping from one relationship into another may distract you from processing and grieving your recent loss. Whether you initiated the breakup or not, you will likely benefit from some form of healing. Give yourself the space to think about the meaning and lessons of your last relationship. You can come to conclusions about what you like or need (and what you don’t) in a partner, or discover, for example, you really care more about religion, intimacy, common interests, etc., than you had realized. This is the time to create an empowering message about why going through this experience was ultimately for the best.

2. You Need to Focus on Healing

After a breakup, family crisis, medical scare, or major life transition, people often need time to heal and focus on themselves. Being single allows you the luxury of focusing on yourself. If it makes you feel good to run three times a week, do it. If you’ve been meaning to do a class or try therapy, now you have the time. If you’ve been wanting to eat healthier, now you can focus on that. It’s an ideal time to take care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually.

3. You Need to Work on Being More Independent

Sometimes in a relationship, it can be easy to develop dependence on the other person. Maybe you feel like you don’t know how to cook for yourself. Maybe you have no idea how to manage your money. Maybe you worry about who will fix your car when it breaks down or who will pick you up from the station if you need a ride. Developing self-sufficiency skills will prove to be helpful in future relationships, should you pursue them, because you’ll be choosing to be with the person rather than needing to be.

4. You Want to Be ‘Free’

If you have an itch for adventure and do not wish to be burdened by obligations, choosing to be single for a while might be best. If you have a desire for freedom, it’s a great idea to act on that before more obligations (financial, family, etc.) bog you down. If you’ve always wanted to travel to India, figure out a way to make that happen. Some people, especially in their late teens and early 20s, have more of an urge for independence than others. If the thought of being in a serious relationship or marriage feels entrapping for you, allow yourself some time to be free of commitments.

5. You Want to Put Your Time and Energy into Life Goals

You may have a hard time working on multiple goals at the same time, so focusing on one at a time may work better for you. Do you want to just focus on graduate school right now? Do you want to put all your time and energy into your work and try to get ahead? If working on a big life goal feels like a priority, give it all you’ve got and focus on dating later.

6. You Want to Get Married

You may be asking yourself, “How is being single going to help me get married?” Bear with me here. Many people waste time in dead-end relationships, believing “when someone better comes along, I’ll end this relationship.” That’s not generally how it works. If you’re not happy, everything you’re investing in who you are with now is taking away from the investment you could be making in developing yourself into a great catch or meeting new people. If marriage is your goal and you’re not feeling it with your current partner, then your time may be best spent on self-improvement, increasing insight, developing emotional self-regulation, and boosting your self-esteem. Being single also helps you re-set for a potential spouse. Think about what values and virtues are important for you, what you want from your life, and qualities you desire in a partner.

Being single can help you focus on much-needed self-care or allow the freedom to pursue life goals or interests. It can also give you the space to define what you want (or don’t want) from relationships. Being single doesn’t mean being a failure. It’s a choice that paves the way for better choices both now and in the future.

© Copyright 2016 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Mieke Rivka Sidorsky, LCSW-C, CST, therapist in Silver Spring, Maryland

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • 11 comments
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  • Juliette

    Juliette

    May 12th, 2016 at 8:59 AM

    Well I like being by myself more than I like being with him so I think that I have my answers hehehe

  • sadie

    sadie

    May 12th, 2016 at 10:23 AM

    so maybe you are just not ready for the kind of responsibility that goes along with being a couple
    that is really okay, as long as you know all of that before getting in too deep with another person

  • Britney

    Britney

    May 13th, 2016 at 10:12 AM

    I am so over the whole being single thing and feeling like I am alone all of the time. I am ready to find that right person and settle down, maybe even start a family. I am tired of feeling like in order to be a strong woman that I have to pretend that I am ok with being alone.
    I am not and I am ready to meet that right person.

  • aaron

    aaron

    May 13th, 2016 at 11:58 AM

    not having to answer to anyone regarding anything that i choose to do- i love it

  • Andrew

    Andrew

    May 14th, 2016 at 10:04 AM

    And the thing that you have to remember is that even though this might be where you need to be right now it doesn’t have to mean that you will always be in that position. It just means that for right now this is the ebst place for you.

  • Lillian s

    Lillian s

    May 16th, 2016 at 10:24 AM

    I have been unmarried for a long time now and I have never felt better. I remember being married and thinking that I always had to answer to someone else or be held accountable for things that were not even my fault and I just go sick of that.
    I answer to me, do the things that I want to do, eat where I want to eat, and have cereal for dinner if that’s what I want!
    I don’t miss coupledom for one skinny minute.

  • Carol

    Carol

    May 17th, 2016 at 10:28 AM

    I have been involved in too many bad relationships to count, but I can tell you that I would always choose being involved with someone before I would choose to be alone.

    I feel so lonely when I am not a part of a couple, like I don’t want to go out and do anything alone. I know that there are those who will say that this is a problem with ME, that I don’t love myself enough to be alone. Maybe true.

    But it doesn’t change the fact that for me it is always better to be with someone than to try to tough it out by myself.

  • Danni

    Danni

    May 18th, 2016 at 10:33 AM

    I would love to learn how to become a little more independent and self reliant and I think that a good way for me to do that is to have some time on my own. I love my boyfriend and I hope that eventually we can work through all of this, but I just think that we are at different places in our lives, that he wants a little more right now from me than I am able to give to him. I am just afraid that if we remain on the trajectory that we are on right now then I will just continue to follow that and never become all that I do ultimately believe that I can become.

  • angela

    angela

    May 19th, 2016 at 11:16 AM

    My brother has always had this really bad habit of getting out of one relationship and jumping right into another one. I would love to sit him down sometime and ask just out of curiosity why he seems to be so afraid of being alone.

  • Agatha

    Agatha

    May 19th, 2016 at 2:23 PM

    I have way too many other things to concentrate on right now besides trying to make someone else happy too,

  • donald

    donald

    May 21st, 2016 at 9:11 AM

    Where would we get the idea that being single and being free are one and the same?

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