Fertility Issues
Overview of Fertility Issues: The inability to conceive a child can be a very painful circumstance, in some cases leading to grief perhaps as intense as the grief of actually losing a child. While fertility treatments in the medical field may be able to help some individuals and couples, for people who are not (yet) able to procreate, but want to, psychotherapy can be a way to work through feelings of grief, anxiety, worry, and other emotions. It can also help couples to deal with feelings of guilt or anger that may arise between the two partners when one person is infertile, and to make decisions about how to proceed – adoption, fertility treatments, artificial insemination, surrogate parenting, or even separation.
The Medical Model and Fertility Issues: There is no specific psychological diagnosis for this issue, but depression, extended grief, anxiety, and relationship problems are certainly possibilities.
Case Example of Fertility Issues:
Janie, 29, and her husband, Paul, 30, seek therapy to deal with their recent discovery that Janie cannot, in all likelihood, bear children. Paul appears to be supportive, but Janie is terrified he will leave her. The therapist helps them to explore options for raising a family – adoption, etc – and helps Paul to admit to some feelings of resentment and confusion about what to do. His admission at first upset Janie, as it seems to confirm her fears, but she soon comes to appreciate his honesty, and feels better having his feelings out in the open. Paul’s ability to talk about his ambivalence helps him to work through it and reach a place of acceptance and renewed commitment to Janie.
Therapy for Fertility Issues: There is a wide range of Psychotherapy Treatment Models or types of therapy used in the treatment of fertility issues. Most of these approaches fall into three historic camps of psychology: Psychoanalytic / Psychodynamic approaches; Behaviorism and; Humanism. Regardless of the type of therapy, there are some generally agreed upon elements of healthy therapy which are universal to all forms of psychotherapy. Before beginning therapy for fertility issues or any other issue, it is helpful to familiarize oneself with these elements.
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Taking a break and going on vacation is a wonderful idea for those feeling sad at the holidays. Sometimes knowing you have a way out of the normal routine means you have something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Often, we find comfort in routines. But, sometimes we can dread them when the routine used to bring joy and now will only bring sadness. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to do something different, even on holidays steeped in tradition.
This is a little different but related-what about when your kids are no longer at home and you have an empty nest?
Infertility is one of the saddest things I've seen in my practice. I'm glad to have this list to pass on to my clients. Holidays do seem to be a time of acute pain for those struggling with infertility. I'm glad some attention is being paid to this matter.
Thanks for the information-very helpful.
Thanks for the feedback on my first GT article. Geoff, I'm glad you were able to get something useful here to pass along to your clients. Angie, I think you're right about much of this information applying to empty-nesters as well. The holidays should grow and change along with the family life cycle. Richelle, as I think about it this could also be good "permission" for anyone who struggles with holidays or family traditions that no longer serve them (or maybe never did).
I think that is profoundly sad. I am not at a point in my life yet where I want to have children but I hope that when I do try that I will not get down when they have not yet happened for me. The holidays are a time of fun and excitement, a time to be thankful for all that we have and hopeful for the things to come.
The one thing that just drives me crazy though are those who cannot find it within themselves to be happy for others when they conceive yet they cannot. I would hope that we could all just be happy for one another. Yes it can be sad around the holidays but there are options out there available to help people have children that include adoption and foster care. Does anyone evr consider these as options?
If this is proven true, then it calls for a celebration. But while further research is still needed, then we could only hope for the best.
I think further research is needed, it's just hard to believe that anxiety and depression would not have an impact on one;s reproductive health...especially in the case of major depression and panic disorders.
First of all let me say that I have experienced both the heartaches and the joys that come along with in vitro fertilization treatments. I had my first child via in vitro with no problems, but have yet to be successful with maintaining a healthy pregnancy the second time around. There have been many tears of anxiety and frustration as well as those of happiness. I too cannot believe though that stress and depression do not play a role in how successful the treatment can be. Stress just seems to have too much of an impact on our lives overall to not play a part in this as well. Sometimes the best surprises are those which come when they are least expected and thought about, and that is why I always try to just not think about the upcoming treatments and just get to a point where I can say that whatever is meant to be is what will be.
Agree with Casey on this one. For me the jury is still out and there needs to be way more research in the area before anything is deemed conclusive.
I never understood why the doctor always told me to relax and not stress out about it when I was trying to conceive. I don't see the connection between the physical dynamics of fertilization and your mental state.
I can't side with this. A couple I know were informed they stood very little chance of conception. They tried for eight years before giving up and opting for adoption. Six months after they adopted a baby girl the woman got pregnant against all the odds. The reduction of the stress of trying for a baby has to have been a factor, don't you think?
I agree with Martha. This study's findings are flawed. I have a relative that decided to go with the flow because she was getting so obsessive about conceiving her marriage was in jeopardy. It was all she talked about, read about and thought about. When her husband said he would rather divorce her than live under that pressure any longer it shocked her into stopping. Within a year she conceived no problem.
Ladies, you've got to admit though it's fun practicing until the stork comes along!
Please call me I am having anxity problems and need a good doctor to help me through this . I need a doctor that will get me medicine to handle my life better and i need an apt soon also I am not sleeping. thanks Marilyn Do you take atena medicare I sure hope so this is what I have I cant pay a doctor big money. I have insurance Im on social security thanks Marilyn Biggs
Boy! This is so discouraging to read, especially when I see the emotional impact of infertility on my clients, on a daily basis. We already know that high levels of stress and stress-related hormones can lower our immune defenses, accelerate the aging process and from my experience often results in women dropping out of treatment because they don't have the emotional reserves to withstand the emotional roller-coaster associated with IVF and other fertility treatments. Studies also show that a history of infertility or pregnancy loss increases the chances of postpartum depression We also need to be thinking of the long-term affects of infertility for women and families. Read more here. http://www.fertilitycommunity.com/fertility/postpartum-depression-and-infertility.html I certainly hope we continue with longitudinal studies so we get a more comprehensive picture here.
Any medical condition oir problem stresses people out and not having a baby when you actually want to is especially stressful as the entire family is involved in it. It would be better to see a therapist in such a situation.
I have personally seen some women get so stressed out about not being able to conceive that their doctors have point blank told them that if they do not find a way to reduce their stress levels then there is no way they are going to be able to get pregnant. I know someone who did fertility massage to help reduce those feelings of stress and anxiety, and I do not know if this is what made it happen or not, but after about 6 months of those massages she got pregnant with twins, without further fertility treatmant and is a as happy as can be. It is something to look into if you and your partner are having trouble with conceiving, and may not be the traditional medical norm, but something to try when you feel like everything else has failed you.
I agree with both of you. There are studies out there that demonstrate a relationship between being in therapy and increased success of fertility treatments. Although it isn't consistently proven in each study, the general consensus is that therapy- whether individual, couples, or group- can help people manage stress, which helps regulate the hormones involved in the fertility process. Complementary and alternative medicine approaches have been shown to be helpful as well, especially acupuncture. Many cities have at least one or two acupuncturists who are specially trained in fertility-related techniques.
It is extremely important to be close to your partner during a tough period and more so in this case because it involves both the partners and the relationship. Otherwise, the time may have a very bad effect even to the point of threatening the relationship itself.
My husband and I are going through this very thing right now and let me tell you it is hard to keep the romance going when it seems like sex has lost it's fun- it's all about the timing and making sure you are doing it on the right days etc. I have tried not to think about it so much but when you have tried for a baby for this long it feels like everything has to be just right to make it happen. Really loses that spontaneity that makes sex so much fun in the first place!
When this is going on I had to learn the hard way that you cannot let it consume your life. I have encountered many couples over the years bwho say that this very thing led to a breakdown of the marriage because you lose sight of the important things in the relationship and it all becomes about the outcome and not the journey to get there.