Therapy for Feeling Inadequate
Feeling inadequate in some way at some time may be a universal human experience. But when feelings of inadequacy – feelings of low self-worth, incompetence, powerlessness, and even shame – seem to interfere with one’s ability to maintain relationships, succeed at work or in school, or feel happy and at peace, therapy may be useful.
Feelings of inadequacy often have their roots in childhood experiences, whether being subject to a critical parent, cruel peers, shaming authority figures, or, perhaps, having not had an opportunity to engage in positive, challenging experience in which a child can prove to herself her own competence and adequacy. Feelings of inadequacy may also be triggered or worsened by messages in the prevailing culture, which often offers standards of beauty, strength, fame, power and wealth that are essentially impossible for most people to attain.
In 12-step traditions, there is a proverb that we ought not “compare our insides to someone else’s outsides.” When we look at other people, we may see them as happy, successful, empowered, and good; then, we compare this image to our own internal experience, and our own perceived failings, and we feel inadequate. Of course, the truth is, we have no idea what really goes on in most other people’s lives, and we often overlook our own strengths and successes, so such comparisons are bound to do far more harm than good.
Therapy can help us to develop a more realistic image and more realistic expectations of ourselves. It can also help us discover activities, relationships and experiences that can build our sense of competence. Finally, it can help uncover childhood experiences that may underlie our negative feelings and help heal those experiences through the process of insight and catharsis.
There is no particular diagnosis for feelings of inadequacy, but depression and anxiety might be associated with such feelings, as might a dependent personality disorder. Survivors of abuse, who may sometimes be diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, may experience feelings of inadequacy.
Case example of Feeling Inadequate:
Jessica, 44, enters therapy for a moderate, persistent depression, recently exacerbated when she lost her job. The therapist helps Jessica uncover deep feelings of inadequacy, which they together trace to her childhood; her father was emotionally abusive, and her mother was stifling, keeping her home all the time and preventing her from engaging with peers. Her marriage, which ended in her 30’s, repeated some of this patter; her husband was cruel to her and often distant. Jessica feels she has nothing to offer the world, and the therapist works with her to discover her strengths, including her generosity, persistence, and honesty. Jessica begins to build on these strengths and soon renews a sense of hope and purpose.
Therapy for Feeling Inadequate: There is a wide range of Psychotherapy Treatment Models or types of therapy used in the treatment of trust issues. Most of these approaches fall into three historic camps of psychology: Psychoanalytic / Psychodynamic approaches; Behaviorism and; Humanism. Regardless of the type of therapy, there are some generally agreed upon elements of healthy therapy which are universal to all forms of psychotherapy. Before beginning therapy for feeling inadequate or any other issue, it is helpful to familiarize oneself with these elements.
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