Blended Family Issues

Blended Family Issues

Overview of Blended Family Issues: Households in which two married people are the parents of all the children in the home are now the exception in the United States. Divorce affects more marriages than not, and step-families or “blended families” are nearly as common. This situation raises challenges, as children may be accustomed to different parenting styles, may experience stress due to visitations, or due to conflict between their parents or between one parent and the other parent’s new spouse. Sibling rivalry can take on a new dimension, as children may feel compelled to compete for attention and dominance in the new household. Visitations mean that the once typical circumstance, in which families were together day after day and could therefore work out harmonious arrangements in due time, gives way to what can be a confusing, insecure pattern, where new family members never have quite enough to get used to one another. All in all, blending families present many unavoidable challenges.

That is not to say that they cannot succeed and thrive, nor that biological families are necessarily any picnic. But the special challenges of blended families deserve some consideration. The first thing to remember is that increased stress in a new family situation is normal and should not be cause for alarm. To the contrary, adults who are planning to remarry or cohabitate with children from previous relationships should plan ahead to face such challenges, by talking with one another and, after they come to some understanding, with their children, about parenting styles and agreements, how to handle conflicts, and any difficult feelings or questions the children may have. No matter what the kids say, assume they do have such emotions and questions, and don’t stop asking about them just because they don’t immediately reveal themselves.

The Medical Model and Blended Family Issues: While there is no specific DSM diagnosis for blended family issues, adjustment problems may possibly develop, and a range of emotions is possible, including anger, sadness, and anxiety.

Case Examples of Blended Family Issues:

The Williams family presents their son, Dustin, 14, to a therapist, complaining about Dustin’s behavioral problems in school, which have come on suddenly over the last semester. Mr Williams, Dustin’s father, remarried three years previously after being divorced from Dustin’s mother ten years ago. The transition seemed smooth at first. Upon investigation, it is discovered that Dustin’s sister recently graduated high school and moved out, and also that Dustin’s father is working more hours, leaving Dustin and his step mom at home alone much of the evening. Dustin’s father admits that he has always simply trusted his wife to discipline Dustin as she saw fit, as she raised two children on her own (her husband died several years ago) who are now grown and quite successful. Mrs Williams’ parenting style is nothing extreme, but she is somewhat stricter than Dustin’s father, and while she and Dustin are fond of each other, she is not as energetic or warm as her husband. In private, Dustin confides to the therapist that he misses his mother terribly but doesn’t want to hurt his stepmother’s feelings. Sessions focus on helping Mrs Williams avoid taking Dustin’s behavior personally, helping Dustin express his feelings about his mother openly, and coming to agreements between the Williams’ regarding parenting techniques.

Susan, 42, has remarried and is unsure how to treat her stepchildren, who are elementary school aged. She finds that if she treats them the same way she treats her own children, who are slightly olders, her children get jealous; however, if she is more distant from her step children, they act out, and her new husband becomes irritated. The therapist immediately asks Susan’s husband to attend their sessions; it is revealed that Susan is home with the children a great deal and is expected to discipline them, but that the two parents have not made any explicit agreements about discipline, privileges, expectations, and so forth. Once these agreements are made, the other children are brought into the session. While there is no explicit discussion of the difficulties Susan is having, the process of being together all at once as a family helps the children bond, and Susan’s children find they can enjoy a new role as elder siblings without being jealous. In private sessions with Susan’s children, they disclose their feelings of rivalry, which the therapist normalizes, and, later, with Susan present, the therapist helps the children to express their concerns so that Susan can allay them directly.

Therapy for Blended Family Issues: There is a wide range of Psychotherapy Treatment Models or types of therapy used in the treatment of blended family issues. Most of these approaches fall into three historic camps of psychology: Psychoanalytic / Psychodynamic approaches; Behaviorism and; Humanism. Regardless of the type of therapy, there are some generally agreed upon elements of healthy therapy which are universal to all forms of psychotherapy. Before beginning therapy for blended family issues or any other issue, it is helpful to familiarize oneself with these elements.

Books Related to Blended Family Issues:

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