http://www.goodtherapy.org/sex-therapy-article.html Latest articles Fri, 13 Aug 2010 14:45:14 GMT en-us http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/does-sexual-distress-indicate-dysfunction-0131123/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/does-sexual-distress-indicate-dysfunction-0131123/ Wed, 1 Feb 2012 03:00:59 GMT According to the International Consensus Development Conference, female sexual dysfunction (FSD) must be characterized by anxiety about sexual performance together with feelings of distress and other symptoms of dysfunction. However, according to a new study led by A. Burri of the Department of Twin Research and Genetic Epidemiology at King?s College in London, many women who experience sexual distress are not sexually dysfunctional. To understand why distress is present in some women with FSD and some women without, Burri examined data collected from 930 British female twins. The twin model was chosen because it allowed the research team to examine similar environmental and genetic risks. Based on questionnaires filled out by the twins, Burri also assessed the participants for history of abuse, relationship status, obssessive-compulsive disorder, general anxiety, emotional functioning, personality, and sexual distress. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/mindfulness-regression-sex-therapy-0125124/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/mindfulness-regression-sex-therapy-0125124/ Wed, 25 Jan 2012 20:18:40 GMT From sex and relationships, to confusion about career and life choices, to those persistent and pesky maladies of the mind like anxiety and depression, past-life regression therapy can heal the mind and body. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/hypnotism-for-sexual-concerns-0105115/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/hypnotism-for-sexual-concerns-0105115/ Thu, 5 Jan 2012 20:15:16 GMT Hypnotism can be a useful and versatile tool for addressing sexual concerns, including several types of sexual problems (such as non-medically caused erectile dysfunction and low desire) and negative body image, shame, and sexual inhibitions. Hypnotism can help discover and correct inner obstacles to sexual health and pleasure. As a skill set, hypnotism is used in a complementary way by many types of helping professionals. Hypnotism also provides the foundation for a growing group of professional practitioners variously known as consulting hypnotists and hypnotherapists. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/unsexy-in-vitro-fertilization-0104124/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/unsexy-in-vitro-fertilization-0104124/ Wed, 4 Jan 2012 15:30:31 GMT Technology can have a marvelous effect on sexuality in many ways. One example is the vibrator, which has helped countless women discover that we can indeed pleasure ourselves to orgasm. This in turn leads many of us to become orgasmic with a partner, so everyone?s happy. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/mother-daughter-relationship-affects-sexual-behavior-in-african-american-girls/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/mother-daughter-relationship-affects-sexual-behavior-in-african-american-girls/ Tue, 3 Jan 2012 22:00:25 GMT Strong mother-daughter relationships provide many positive psychological benefits for teen girls. For African-American girls with mental health problems, this relationship may also serve to prevent risky sexual behavior that could lead to sexually transmitted infections (STIs). ?Relative to other ethnic groups, African-American girls tend to initiate sex earlier, report higher rates of sexual activity during adolescence, and they account for the highest rates of chlamydia and gonorrhea,? said Erin Emerson of the Department of Psychiatry, Community Outreach Intervention Projects at the University of Illinois. ?African-American girls in psychiatric care are at even greater risk because teens with mental health problems report more sexual risk-taking than do their untroubled peers.? Emerson recently led a study to identify what factors would influence sexual activity in this segment of the population. She said, ?Guided by a social-personal framework, this study explored three mechanisms that may be associated with sexual behavior among African-American girls in psychiatric care: attachment to mothers, attachment to peers, and perceived peer norms.? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/avoiding-sex-addiction-after-breakup-122920115/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/avoiding-sex-addiction-after-breakup-122920115/ Thu, 29 Dec 2011 16:30:03 GMT In many ways it would appear that breaking up is similar to falling in love. I know what you are thinking, and you are right - it?s not quite the same thing. However, in terms of the physiological effects that it has on your mind, psyche and body, it would appear to have quite a significant effect as it can potentially turn your world upside down. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-addiction-therapist-client-connection-12161/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-addiction-therapist-client-connection-12161/ Fri, 16 Dec 2011 15:21:57 GMT Last month I discussed the dilemma of a psychologically wounded person who feels torn between a yearning to get his deepest needs met ? a need for connection, safety and love ?  and a terror that those needs will be rejected (subtly or otherwise), leading to a traumatic abandonment, or re-abandonment in most cases. This creates dueling goals: to be loved and to maintain connection through inevitable ?bumps? on the relational road, which in the person?s life has proven impossible. Thus the faith that lasting relational intimacy can be found is slim to none, assuming it exists at all. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-gender-personal-identity-concepts/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-gender-personal-identity-concepts/ Tue, 6 Dec 2011 17:22:11 GMT During a recent staff workshop at my school, the presenter shocked and confounded most of the crowd when she used the word ?pansexual?. Most of the teachers in the room had never before heard this term. ?Bisexual? they could wrap their heads around: someone sexually attracted to people of both genders. But pansexual... someone sexually attracted to people of all genders? A handful of the workshop participants were unable to resist scratching their heads and looking around quizzically. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/help-date-night-erectile-dysfunction/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/help-date-night-erectile-dysfunction/ Mon, 5 Dec 2011 18:28:08 GMT In my neck of the woods the majority of therapists see mainly women (probably about 80% of their clients). Not so for me - more than half my clients are male, and when I work with a couple it is more often the men who initiate conjoint therapy. I think this is because many guys tend to become very uptight about their penis, what Paul Joannides (author of The Guide to Getting It On) calls ?deadwood - the bummer in your pants". Many of the men I work with are concerned about their system crashing when their pants are off! http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/transphobia-fatal-effects-1122114/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/transphobia-fatal-effects-1122114/ Tue, 22 Nov 2011 20:41:58 GMT In May this year, 16 people lost their lives to transphobic violence and hate: 11 in Brazil, and one each in the Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Guatemala, Mexico, and Venezuela. I know, because just a couple of days ago I read aloud the names of each departed soul at the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDoR) observance in Oakland, CA. Of course, not all the names were known. Most were women, transgendered women, and if their names were not known, we usually knew something of where they lost their lives: their apartments, the street, a bathroom, on a bus... In May, their ages (if known) ranged from 15 to 39. Mercifully, I did not have to read the details of how each person was murdered. After each name, or ?name unknown,? a small gong sounded, and I went on to the next person on the list. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-addiction-as-relational-disorder-1121115/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-addiction-as-relational-disorder-1121115/ Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:01:06 GMT I?m struck by the fact that people with addiction issues, when confronted with the destructive effects of their behaviors, often find it harder to stop. This is especially true, in my clinical experience, when it comes to compulsive sexual behavior, aka sex addiction. Why is that? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/facebook-breakups-1116115/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/facebook-breakups-1116115/ Wed, 16 Nov 2011 20:14:22 GMT Social networking websites such as Facebook, Twitter, as well as other means of electronic communications such as texting, are no longer the wave of the future: they are the here and now. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/super-sizing-sex-1107113/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/super-sizing-sex-1107113/ Mon, 7 Nov 2011 16:37:10 GMT Several years ago, researchers Wolak, Mitchell, and Finkelhor published a highly disturbing article in Pediatrics magazine about youth exposure to online pornography which highlighted its effects on youth aged 10 to 17. Very few kids or young teens find their way into my office, but I?m beginning to see more and more young adults who began early and now struggle with the compulsion to watch online porn. According to Wolak and his colleagues, ?rates of unwanted exposure to sexual material among youth increased from 25% to 44% from 1999 to 2006, despite similar increases in the use of protective filtering software over that period.? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/love-versus-object-personification-synesthesia/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/love-versus-object-personification-synesthesia/ Fri, 21 Oct 2011 21:01:32 GMT Perhaps you?ve come across one of the many articles or videos with titles like, ?In Love with the Eiffel Tower?, or a recent National Geographic Taboo program called ?Forbidden Love?? The topic is Objectum Sexuality (OS), a rare sexual orientation which includes affectionate, romantic, and sometimes erotic attraction and relationships with objects. The beloved objects can range from transport to landmarks, from sporting equipment to fisheye buttons. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/when-acceptance-becomes-enabling/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/when-acceptance-becomes-enabling/ Wed, 19 Oct 2011 16:30:19 GMT In couples and sex therapy, one of the common themes that come up is that of acceptance. I strongly encourage people to accept their partner, and accept each other. I believe that acceptance is at the core of a successful intimate relationship. I discourage long lists of expectations and/or changes that people often bring into their relationships, which may be ideals of who their partner should or should not be, perhaps based on how a previous partner may have been or how the perfect partner should be. These 'ideals' or 'shoulds' can be quite detrimental not just to the relationship as a whole, but affect other areas of the relationship along the way, such as a couple's sex life. Ideals and 'shoulds' can sound like judgments and criticisms, and there is just no room for hostility in the bedroom (well, in most cases). So limiting our lists to two very specific items is something I recommend; simply accept the rest. Acceptance conveys the message that we love our partner just the way he/she is, and that quite possibly we even admire them, look up to them, and still love and/or are in love with the same person when we met, and who we fell in love with. If we find we cannot accept our partner much of the time, and that we get angry too much, then taking a look at ourselves is the next step. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/therapist-sexual-orientation-affects-lgb-clients/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/therapist-sexual-orientation-affects-lgb-clients/ Thu, 6 Oct 2011 14:00:05 GMT : http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/7-steps-better-sex-life/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/7-steps-better-sex-life/ Thu, 29 Sep 2011 16:53:53 GMT Are you and your partner arguing about sexual issues in your relationship? Is there an ongoing issue that keeps coming up, in the process making your sex life rockier, or worse, non-existent? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexually-active-staying-safe/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexually-active-staying-safe/ Wed, 28 Sep 2011 20:15:21 GMT Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) can happen to anyone: single, married, heterosexual or homosexual. A person may not have symptoms for a long time but may still have an STD. Some STDs are treatable and others are not. Whether you have symptoms or not, STDs  can still be passed on without your awareness, so it is important for you to get checked out because you may think you are having safe sex, but you may not be. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sensory-integration-clues-behind-sexual-dysfunction/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sensory-integration-clues-behind-sexual-dysfunction/ Mon, 26 Sep 2011 19:21:32 GMT Non-demand touch, such as hand massage and other ?sensate focus? exercises, are still recommended by many sex therapists who want to help couples struggling with sexual difficulties. Non-demand touch exercises help take the pressure off partners who are too focused or anxious about penis-vagina penetration to stay present with their own or their partner's responses. These exercises are designed to build or restore emotional safety and sexual trust; cultivate awareness of sensual stimulation and preferences; and facilitate intimate communication through exploratory questions and answers as both partners experience giving and receiving touch. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/women-committed-relationships-lose-sexual-desire/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/women-committed-relationships-lose-sexual-desire/ Fri, 2 Sep 2011 18:21:21 GMT How often do you want sex? And is that enough? Not wanting enough sex is the big problem for most women who consult me as a clinical sexologist. And most sex therapists will agree that having a low level of sexual desire is a problem.  But the majority of these women are heterosexual with male partners who are ? you guessed it ? complaining. Lesbian couples don?t usually present with similar problems. So I guess I should say ?relatively low levels of sexual desire!? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/introduction-clinical-sexology/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/introduction-clinical-sexology/ Tue, 30 Aug 2011 16:51:37 GMT As a unique form of short-term, complementary and alternative modality (CAM), clinical sexologists are largely under-recognized and under-used. Though it's said we specialize in studying "what people do and how they feel about it," sexology touches on everything from erotology to anthropology, law, medicine, psychology, anatomy and physiology (naturally!), gender studies, public policy, history, and so on. That's because human sexual behavior is pervasive, it affects everything we collectively do and create. As a sexologist, my interests have included Asperger's Syndrome and sexuality, Native Hawaiian sexual traditions, objectum sexuality, parenting transgender children, the effect of sensory dysfunction on sexual behavior, and the use of hypnosis to address sexual concerns. Almost anything can provide delightful grist for a perpetual, intellectual mill and this has been my joy. Sometimes useful clinical insights emerge from regarding artifacts or incidents through a sexological lens. However, even when there is no immediate clinical application, the overall effect is a deepened respect for the unstoppable and endlessly creative human engagement with eros. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-addiction-battle/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-addiction-battle/ Wed, 24 Aug 2011 19:44:41 GMT Did you know there are individuals who minimize sexual addiction as a disorder? Regardless, its impact, devastation and pain to the individuals who are struggling with it, their spouses and children along with many areas of their lives cannot be ignored. When we consider that the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity describes sexual addiction as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses.  Over time, the individual struggling with sexual addiction usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results. With that being said, is it really worth the battle? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/cycle-too-comfortable-relationship/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/cycle-too-comfortable-relationship/ Tue, 23 Aug 2011 20:06:46 GMT There is a place where most couples want to get and feel good about getting to, a place where most people would agree is what a wonderful long term relationship is all about. That lovely secure place is the feeling of comfort. Most couples would agree that it?s the small things that make the long- term relationship special. Shopping for groceries, fixing up the house, running errands together, doing laundry, waking up together, making breakfast, etc.. You get the idea, it?s the day to day, simple little things we do that we get to do together in a long term relationship that makes it special, and yes, comfortable. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-chronic-illness/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-chronic-illness/ Thu, 4 Aug 2011 15:42:20 GMT Awkward topic, isn?t it? It?s not an area we usually delve into with great confidence or pride.  For those of us with chronic illness, the topic of sex can bring up a whole host of emotions: fear, hurt, guilt, sadness, feelings of inadequacy and disappointment. Sure, there are moments of great passion and pleasure but those seem few and far between when our illnesses flare or we?re too exhausted from the events of the day. Adding to the complexities of sex for the chronically ill are the myriad of side effects from the many medications out there intended to ease our pain and discomfort.  Many stunt our desire for sex or leave us way too tired to even think about a night of romance. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/lesbian-breakup-friendship/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/lesbian-breakup-friendship/ Tue, 2 Aug 2011 17:07:55 GMT For people who are dating or dealing with the starting and ending of intimate relationships, a certain question tends to arise... can ex-partners maintain healthy roles in each others? lives? And if so, when, where, how, and (most obviously) why? Sometimes an ex?s role is clear; for example, a couple who has children together will most likely continue as co-parents in the event of a separation. Other post-breakup scenarios have less obvious answers. Exes can, often unintentionally, fall into dysfunctional roles in each other?s lives, such as a baggage-laden ?friend?, convenient sexual outlet, or receptacle of lingering animosity. Deciding how to continue forward, together or separately, after a relationship dissolves can be tricky for anyone. However, for several reasons, this quandary appears to be particularly challenging for lesbians. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/infidelity-enhance-relationship/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/infidelity-enhance-relationship/ Tue, 2 Aug 2011 16:43:28 GMT I would like to be quite clear. Infidelity hurts. Infidelity is destructive. I am not suggesting infidelity. However, when cheating happens in a relationship it does not have to be the end. An infidelity can be a wakeup call that your relationship was not working for one or both of you. If you want to be together, you can use this knowledge to fix what was not working and in that way your relationship can be enhanced. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/alternative-lifestyle-relationship/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/alternative-lifestyle-relationship/ Mon, 25 Jul 2011 15:21:21 GMT It?s a pretty well known fact that ?happily ever after? is a concept that is often easier said than done. People still cling to and admire the ideals of a long-term commitment and marriage and with a little effort and cooperation many find that it is actually doable when they have both feet in the relationship, whilst others are finding that finding a new partner is sometimes just easier, and divorcing themselves from their partner and situation makes more sense. But with so much exposure to new and alternative ways of embracing marriage, more and more couples are ?coming out? so to speak, to embrace their sexuality by exploring alternative lifestyles within the marriage. Alternative lifestyles, also known as open relationships, are giving couples a third option, so to speak, when relationships need a little extra push to get up that hill. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-after-giving-birth/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-after-giving-birth/ Tue, 19 Jul 2011 17:30:54 GMT The words postpartum depression and sex could basically be juxtaposted in a Sesame Street song: ?Which of these things is not like the other? Which of these things is kinda the same? Can you guess which thing is not like the other?? In other words, if you are recovering from postpartum depression, more than likely sex is not even remotely on the brain. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dimensions-sexual-identity/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dimensions-sexual-identity/ Thu, 14 Jul 2011 19:32:00 GMT Everyone has a sexual identity. This might sound like a really simple and obvious thing to say, but I?ve found in my work as a therapist and an educator that people often only think of ?gay? and ?lesbian? when they hear the terms ?sexual identity? or ?sexual orientation.?  So, the first thing to know about sexual identity is that everybody has one. The close second most important thing to know about it is that only you can decide what your sexual identity is. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/self-care-enhance-relationship/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/self-care-enhance-relationship/ Tue, 5 Jul 2011 18:02:57 GMT Are you a person who takes care of everyone else before yourself? Do you believe you should put yourself last? If you take care of other's needs before your needs routinely, then you may have co-dependent tendencies. Taking care of yourself enables you to then be available to take care of others. If you neglect your personal needs and wishes and care for others instead, then you may begin to feel resentful and "empty." In a relationship, co-dependent behaviors can potentially sabotage your relationship success. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/good-bad-sides-porn/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/good-bad-sides-porn/ Wed, 22 Jun 2011 18:55:41 GMT I want to start off by saying that pornography in and of itself is not a ?bad? thing. We have preconceived notions about porn being something bad. Men feel guilty about it. Women feel threatened by it. I want to talk a little bit about why porn is good, and why porn is bad. At the core, I believe that everything in moderation is the best format to follow. And a little bit of porn should be fine, as long as it?s not interfering with your sex life, social life, finances, job, relationship, family, responsibilities and so on. (Read: Most mental health professionals will in fact determine whether or not something is considered an addiction, or if someone is addicted based on the aforementioned variables of responsibilities. If something is being affected, such as any or all of job, relationship, family, money, chances are the individual has a problem or addiction, and will likely be treated as such by the mental health professional.) http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/premarital-counseling-decrease-conflict/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/premarital-counseling-decrease-conflict/ Tue, 24 May 2011 20:52:46 GMT I'm a big proponent for pre-marital counseling, although I don't market myself specifically as a premarital counselor, (and there are some therapists who do specify their work as towards this) I definitely believe that taking the time to plan and discuss things, particularly goals and expectations, is absolutely necessary for long term relationships, whether it involves marriage or just cohabitating together. It's important to know what we are getting into, who we are getting into it with, what their expectations are for the short term and the long term, whether they want children, parenting styles, who will work, who will stay home, do they want a career, and so on and so forth.. And it also helps to get to know ourselves. What do we want and expect from the relationship, and what do we expect from ourselves within a relationship? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/female-sexual-development-lesbian-bisexual/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/female-sexual-development-lesbian-bisexual/ Fri, 1 Apr 2011 19:54:55 GMT I love Lady Gaga for her crusade to educate the masses about the normalcy of homosexuality as well as any personality quirk that might seem to make one person stand apart from the next. Everything in her personal presentation and body of work, including her latest release ?Born this Way?, not only preaches but demonstrates the virtue of individuality, acceptance of self and others, and the beauty of expressing one?s true inner self, in whatever form it may take. I see the way she affects the ?tweens? with whom I work and I praise her for it. And although the premise of her new song is inspirational and certainly in keeping with the idea of homosexuality as a natural state, I want more. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/vibrators-sexual-health/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/vibrators-sexual-health/ Thu, 31 Mar 2011 21:42:19 GMT When I began talking to people about sex in the 90?s, very few people admitted to using vibrators to enhance their sexual lives. What a change in the new millennium! You?re in the majority if you?re female and you?ve long recognized the special value your vibrator brought to your life ? now research confirms those benefits. According to a 2009 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, about half of American adults use a vibrator, so why feel embarrassed if you forget to put yours away and the handyman stumbles over it while he?s repairing the closet door? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ashley-bikini-self-esteem-young-girls/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ashley-bikini-self-esteem-young-girls/ Thu, 31 Mar 2011 14:00:43 GMT A GoodTherapy.org News Summary http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/surviving-sexual-assault/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/surviving-sexual-assault/ Thu, 24 Mar 2011 14:00:28 GMT The recent sexual assault of CBS news reporter Lara Logan during her coverage of the February 2011 Egyptian uprising is a stark reminder that any woman is vulnerable to assault, regardless of her public status. You don?t have to travel to a distant country during political upheaval to be at risk. According to the National Violence Against Women Survey (2000), 17.6% of American women have been victims of an attempted or completed sexual assault. And while men can be sexual assault survivors, 90% of rape victims are women. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/naked-therapist/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/naked-therapist/ Mon, 14 Mar 2011 15:56:36 GMT As I say in the prologue to my book, Power, Abused, Power Healed: Every form of power can be used well or misused... Sexuality has been used as a weapon to rape and dominate, as a substitute for unmet childhood bonding and physical touch, and as an exquisite sacred expression of love and union.* http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-side-effects-antidepressant-medication/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-side-effects-antidepressant-medication/ Wed, 23 Feb 2011 19:39:07 GMT Since my last blog a number of you have asked for more information about possible sexual side effects caused by antidepressants. Before I say more ? a cautionary word ? I?m a psychotherapist/counselor, not a medical doctor/psychiatrist! So what I write in this blog is drawn from my (extensive) experience working with people who have challenges and/or difficulties with sex ? I?m a sexologist, not a psycho-pharmacologist! http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychology-love-valentines-day/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychology-love-valentines-day/ Tue, 15 Feb 2011 15:00:04 GMT A GoodTherapy.org News Summary http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/secrets-lifetime-happy-marriage/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/secrets-lifetime-happy-marriage/ Fri, 4 Feb 2011 19:11:09 GMT Will your relationship last a lifetime? Will you and your partner enjoy each other?s company and have a deep and intimate connection, emotionally and sexually for as long as you both shall live? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychotropic-medication-decreased-libido/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychotropic-medication-decreased-libido/ Sat, 22 Jan 2011 00:36:47 GMT I often see people who are in despair because they no longer have much interest in sex ? what a current client calls her ?disappearing libido?. Is she depressed about this? You bet! Did she become more depressed when her medical doctor put her on an anti-depressant to alleviate the depressive symptoms? Quite possibly. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/crying-game-healing/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/crying-game-healing/ Fri, 14 Jan 2011 17:48:19 GMT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/emotional-sexual-communication-connection-relationships/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/emotional-sexual-communication-connection-relationships/ Thu, 13 Jan 2011 16:09:36 GMT As the New Year begins, we think about resolutions. Though couples may have resolved to have a better relationship, resolve their differences, have less conflict, it occurred to us that we don?t really ?resolve? issues in relationships. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/child-sexuality-development-therapy/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/child-sexuality-development-therapy/ Thu, 13 Jan 2011 15:28:56 GMT When we think of sex therapy we generally assume this takes place with and is for adults or couples only. But in actuality there is a gamut of information and work that can and should be done with children in therapy and in their daily lives. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-addict-marriage-divorce-options/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-addict-marriage-divorce-options/ Mon, 10 Jan 2011 21:44:19 GMT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/women-alcoholism-warning-signs/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/women-alcoholism-warning-signs/ Wed, 5 Jan 2011 20:57:15 GMT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-holidays-relationships-couples/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-holidays-relationships-couples/ Mon, 27 Dec 2010 19:53:04 GMT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-men-intimacy-therapy/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-men-intimacy-therapy/ Thu, 23 Dec 2010 18:47:53 GMT What does a sex therapist do? People often ask me what type of problems show up most often in my office. As most readers of my blog already know, I don?t like to put lots of focus on ?disorders? like ?erectile dysfunction?; and in fact most people don?t call up saying ?I have e.d.?  Most people call because they are experiencing sex addiction in some form, or because they?re having difficulties with desire or lack of desire. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/foundations-lgbt-relationship-marriage-finances-psychology-communication/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/foundations-lgbt-relationship-marriage-finances-psychology-communication/ Tue, 14 Dec 2010 19:18:02 GMT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/holidate-holiday-season-relationships-marriage-happiness/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/holidate-holiday-season-relationships-marriage-happiness/ Thu, 9 Dec 2010 23:34:55 GMT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/communication-intimate-partner-cancer-sexuality/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/communication-intimate-partner-cancer-sexuality/ Fri, 19 Nov 2010 18:02:10 GMT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/divorce-marriage-communication-internal-family-systems/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/divorce-marriage-communication-internal-family-systems/ Mon, 8 Nov 2010 18:11:30 GMT Oh no ? another couple you know is getting a divorce. Do you think it?s contagious? Are you worried that break-ups are like a virus you could catch? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-anorexia-addiction-abuse-shame-psychotherapy/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-anorexia-addiction-abuse-shame-psychotherapy/ Tue, 2 Nov 2010 13:35:59 GMT Recent interest in sexual addiction has drawn attention to a variation called Sexual Anorexia.  Also called sexual ?acting in,? sexual anorexia is characterized by a severe aversion sexual contact and the obsessive avoidance of sex. Other signs of sexual anorexia include: http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/women-men-porn-addiction-intimacy-psychology/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/women-men-porn-addiction-intimacy-psychology/ Tue, 19 Oct 2010 17:15:41 GMT Since my last blog post several of you (all female) have logged onto my website and then called to express relief that I?m writing about something ? women and pornography addiction ? that many people and the popular media don?t recognize as a real problem.  The Washington Times recently published results from a 2006 Internet Filter Review poll which found that 9.4 women access adult websites each month, and 13 percent of them admit to accessing pornography at work.  And remember folks, this was 4 years ago! http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/late-man-adult-angry-identity-psychotherapy/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/late-man-adult-angry-identity-psychotherapy/ Tue, 19 Oct 2010 16:43:14 GMT * This blog is a follow-to Richard's previous article, "Who's in Charge - Understanding Men Today" http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/cancer-sexuality-perception-intimacy-men-women/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/cancer-sexuality-perception-intimacy-men-women/ Thu, 23 Sep 2010 20:23:23 GMT Thus far in this series, we?ve looked at the challenges people face in intimacy and sexuality when dealing with cancer. The first post provided a general overview of the topic and the second post provided more specifics regarding the effects of chemotherapy on sexuality. This post will focus on how a person?s perception of him/herself and their partner?s perception of them can influence their sexuality in the face of cancer. The majority of studies of sexuality in cancer only address those cancers involving sex organs, i.e., breast, prostate, and gynecologic cancers, hence the focus of this series. Also, there is much more literature regarding the impact on women as compared to men. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/hiv-aids-psychological-health/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/hiv-aids-psychological-health/ Mon, 13 Sep 2010 17:45:13 GMT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-addiction-pornograhpy-psychology-women/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-addiction-pornograhpy-psychology-women/ Tue, 7 Sep 2010 17:27:36 GMT In the early 2000s my colleague Al Cooper dubbed online pornography as ?the crack cocaine of sexual addiction.? He wrote about the ?three As? that spur users deeper and deeper into a pathological attachment to the mood altering experience that pornography viewers experience. The first A stands for ?Accessibility.? Users don?t have to get dressed, drive to the nearest porn shop, park, partake, drive home, etc. And the internet is open 24-7. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-relationship-enhancement-couples-monogamy-counselin/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-relationship-enhancement-couples-monogamy-counselin/ Fri, 3 Sep 2010 18:50:50 GMT Slow down and listen. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/cancer-sexuality-intimacy-marriage-communication/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/cancer-sexuality-intimacy-marriage-communication/ Thu, 12 Aug 2010 18:05:33 GMT As noted last month, cancer treatments can have a significant effect on a person?s sexuality and desire to be intimate. Common side effects of chemotherapy include nausea, which may be worsened by sexual activity, and fatigue, which may persist for months after treatment is finished. Hair loss is another common side effect of chemotherapy, and it can be particularly distressing to women. One woman described feeling like ?an old man? because of her mastectomy and baldness. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-life-women-psychology/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-life-women-psychology/ Mon, 9 Aug 2010 16:53:12 GMT Do you want more sex more often than your partner? Or does s/he complain because you want less? In my practice as a sex and marriage therapist, I find that men are often have hyper-active desire, wanting more, while women?s interest in sex is hypo-active, wanting less. If you?re female, there is a quick and kinda cool quiz that you can take right now. Ready? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/cancer-sexuality/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/cancer-sexuality/ Tue, 13 Jul 2010 14:05:58 GMT ?Alice? is a long-term cancer survivor. She has beaten the odds of dying from stage four breast cancer many times over the years. She came into therapy because she was feeling ?stuck,? and was wondering if she might be depressed. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/polyamory/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/polyamory/ Tue, 6 Jul 2010 15:06:36 GMT Most of the couples who walk into my office are monogamous, or at least aspire to have a one-on-one relationship. But some people believe that wedding vows or other exclusive agreements heap a host of unrealistic expectations on marriage. ?Open marriage? has become a term of the past - now such people usually refer to their preference for ?polyamory,? meaning ?many loves.? Coined in the early 1990?s, ?polyamory?, or ?poly? for short, provides a way for those who choose to have more than one lover to identify their life-style. This may seem a long way from most people?s lives, but my local book-store owner confirms that Catherine Liszt?s book on polys Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities continues to sell even in my relatively conservative neck of the woods! http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/teen-sexuality/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/teen-sexuality/ Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:07:15 GMT Teens are having sex. I do not know the percentage of teens having sex but they are. Teens are having sex for many reasons: need to be loved, everyone else is doing it, why wait, adults have sex, and boyfriend/girlfriend loves them. Does sex really help a teen to feel loved? After sex, does the relationship get stronger or fall apart? Is sex more of a quest? These are some questions that I have. I don?t have statistics and this is not for statistics, just conversation about teens and sex. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/imago-therapy-passion/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/imago-therapy-passion/ Tue, 25 May 2010 19:38:47 GMT For those of you in relationship, think back to the time when you first met your partner. You see him/her across the room, and something inside you says, she/he is the one. There is a sense of excitement and passion in you. You eventually meet and start dating. You just cannot get enough of this person and you find yourself thinking about him/her all the time. Eventually you start having sex and its passionate and really hot. Eventually you become a committed couple (for some couples it may even lead to engagement and marriage). Two years pass and one day you roll over, look at your partner and say, where did the passion go? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/women-porn-psychology/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/women-porn-psychology/ Mon, 24 May 2010 16:15:13 GMT When most people in our culture think about pornography and who is accessing it online, their thoughts automatically go to the male population. Would it surprise you to know that women represent 30% of the internet pornography consumers (Internet Pornography Statistics, 2008; Nielsen/NetRatings, April 2005)? It is time to stop with the ?old school? thinking that it is just a ?man? issue and take a look at not only the increased activity with women and pornography, but also the impact that it is having on them and their lives. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/lgbt-therapist/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/lgbt-therapist/ Mon, 10 May 2010 16:32:39 GMT The question often comes up among LGBT people as to whether or not they should see a gay therapist or if they would be comfortable with a gay friendly therapist. This is a personal decision that each person needs to make for themselves, but as in choosing any therapist, it is important to find a professional who has the education, the empathy, and the understanding of your individual needs. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/men-sexual-well-being/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/men-sexual-well-being/ Fri, 7 May 2010 14:00:37 GMT A GoodTherapy.org News Summary http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-anorexia/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-anorexia/ Wed, 5 May 2010 17:44:33 GMT When is not enough sex too little by far? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/parents-teens-sexuality/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/parents-teens-sexuality/ Wed, 5 May 2010 14:00:25 GMT A GoodTherapy.org News Summary http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychology-sexual-fantasies/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychology-sexual-fantasies/ Tue, 13 Apr 2010 14:53:34 GMT Believe it or not, everyone has some secret desire, fantasy, or even fetish that brings on arousal and turns us on in the bedroom, or otherwise. For some of us, our fantasies work best when used alone. We thus prefer to use the fantasy as personal experience on our own, and don?t find the need to share it with others. Others of us strive and have a strong urge to share our fantasy or fetish, to live it out and to act it out with our partners and with others. Finally there are those of us who have trouble swallowing the content of our desires, feel confused about its meaning and are thus conflicted about our fantasies and fetishes. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-therapy-sexual-passion/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-therapy-sexual-passion/ Mon, 5 Apr 2010 18:26:43 GMT When I opened my psychotherapy practice in the late 1970?s I saw myself as a feminist psychotherapist, putting the majority of my focus on women. I would have been disdainful of books like David Deida?s The Way of the Superior Man. Now I incorporate his often provocative approach into work that I do with straight, gay, and even lesbian couples! http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexuality-alcohol-recovery/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexuality-alcohol-recovery/ Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:44:07 GMT At the very core of our lives is sexuality. Though as a society we are not quite exactly trained to talk openly and honestly about sex, nonetheless we grow up recognizing and knowing intrinsically the need we as human beings have for sex and the roles it plays at the very core of humanity, with of course it?s one of it?s main functions being procreation. And, what is the other function of sex? Well, pleasure, of course. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/tiger-woods-sex-addiction/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/tiger-woods-sex-addiction/ Fri, 5 Mar 2010 21:01:29 GMT While Tiger Woods? sexual experiences have been all over the news recently, the psychiatric task force charged with creating the next edition of the ?bible? for counselors and psychotherapists, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is completing work on their current update (the last edition came out way back in 1994). http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychology-romance-fertility-treatment/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychology-romance-fertility-treatment/ Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:12:50 GMT February is commonly viewed as a month for romance, love and intimacy, but it can get into the Valentine?s Day spirit when you and your partner are working hard to get pregnant and sex has started to feel like a chore. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/therapy-gay-men-sexuality/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/therapy-gay-men-sexuality/ Mon, 1 Feb 2010 20:00:01 GMT Whenever I am with a group of gay men, sex invariably becomes a topic of discussion. Often it is funny, sometimes sarcastic, biting and hurtful. However it appears, our culture, on the surface, has an ease about discussing sex in a way that I don?t encounter in heterosexual environments. I wonder what it is about our culture that makes this talk so easy, so expected? so normal? As a therapist, I am curious about where it comes from and how it affects us. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/therapy-sexuality-porn/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/therapy-sexuality-porn/ Thu, 7 Jan 2010 07:10:23 GMT In my first blog-post last month I wrote about my work as a sex therapist, and how ?talking about sex? can help us to heal memories and repair and strengthen relationships. Many of the responses I?ve received have been about addiction to sex (especially internet pornography) and the devastating effect it has on committed relationships, or on the ability to form intimate relationships. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/study-suggests-casual-sex-bears-no-mental-health-burden/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/study-suggests-casual-sex-bears-no-mental-health-burden/ Mon, 14 Dec 2009 07:00:20 GMT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-drugs-body-image/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-drugs-body-image/ Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:45:01 GMT http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-marriage/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-marriage/ Wed, 18 Feb 2009 06:01:14 GMT ?We never have sex anymore.? ?He wants it all the time.? ?I think my wife is seeing someone.? These are some of the common opening lines I hear from couples who have landed in my consultation office. Certainly, sex is not the most important component of a happy and healthy marriage. Yet it remains one of the primary signs of an unhappy or failing marriage. Some of the most common problems in the bedroom include infrequent or absent sex, extramarital affairs and addictive cybersex. The presence of any of these will, over time erode the foundation of even the strongest marriage. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-fluidity/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-fluidity/ Thu, 5 Feb 2009 06:01:09 GMT Once upon a time, there was a certain clarity in the world of sexuality. Regardless of whether one believed a homosexual orientation was innate or a matter of choice, the sexual orientations were easily and clearly defined: Those who were attracted to, and had sex with, people of the opposite gender were heterosexual (straight), while homosexuals (gays and lesbians) were attracted to, and had sex with, people of the same gender. You knew who was who by the gender of the sexual partner. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-boundaries/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-boundaries/ Fri, 16 Jan 2009 06:00:26 GMT It is customary for a therapist to facilitate a client's thinking and feeling "outside the box", to "wake up and smell the coffee". Therapists want to assist clients to release the constraints of what is "customary" or "normal" for them and explore the world of thoughts and feelings that have been taboo or off limits. The other end of the spectrum is also, sometimes, the therapeutic focus i.e. learning to self regulate and develop the skills for expressing feelings such as anger in socially appropriate, non-abusive ways. Certainly there are clients who need such therapeutic assistance. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-assault/ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sexual-assault/ Thu, 12 Jun 2008 01:22:10 GMT I knew, several months ago, that I would write about April being Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Nevertheless, after the short amount of time that it took to write it, the original article sits, alone in my office trashcan, tossed aside. The cold hard facts about sexual assault, the statistics, they all had their place. They cried out like an overwhelmingly loud and obnoxious alarm clock, desperately trying to wake you as you slumber peacefully. But you see, statistics always do. Numbers always do. Facts always do. We hear them every day and yet, they are not heard. Ironically, just like the voice of many victims of sexual assault, their cries go unanswered. So, I rewrote it.