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A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” - C.S. Lewis

After my childhood, then teenage years, my musings and passion for creative writing “grew up,” succumbing to the norms that college and graduate school required. My journals, having unceremoniously insisted that they be my comfort and companion through every experience, were buried under my “adult” responsibilities.

I meant to write and I was inspired to. Nevertheless, I rarely did. My muses stood by, impatiently, in the unemployment line, eagerly waiting for the next job. Mostly, they waited for me to find the “right” time to pit pen to paper. Granted, words would often materialize, unexpectedly, as if apparitions out of thin air. Joyous and full of energy, they eagerly sprung into step, as if dancing around a maypole, circling me in celebration of me joining them. But, there were many times that I consciously ignored them. At least they trusted that I would return to play with them. I did, albeit twelve years later.

As we “grow up” the playful and creative activities we once loved are often the first to be tossed overboard if the ship goes down. Yet, is in the act of playing that you can find what your spirit hungers for. The most playful, creative, inspiring and “childish” activities can offer a life preserver, to carry us from all of those “have to’s.” They ask that we remember what it feels like to have fun and color outside the lines of expectation and judgment.

Writing is good for me; it feeds me. At the same time, perhaps like you, there are so many other things to juggle. This phone call. That person. That deadline. This meeting. You name it; there is always “something” that has to be done. Nevertheless, we should also allow ourselves to do what is playful and nurturing; we need it to find balance in our lives. At the same time, some activities are just good for us, period. Kind of like broccoli, you know? You don’t ask “why,” you just know it is.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” - George Bernard Shaw (more…)

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“You can outdistance that which is running after you, but you cannot outdistance that which is running inside you.” -African Proverb

My soul thirsted for down time, as if it was parched for the very fundamental nature of itself. Two weeks off from all that was my daily life and practice. Read. Write. Rest. Heal. Yet, as my soul and body thirsted for it, my ego struggled with the decision. My mind knew that I needed the time away to recover from a medical procedure. Not a big deal; it knew all of the valid reasons for it. I couldn’t imagine that my ego would argue with me. But, it did. And it yelled loudly.

The Hurricane

When is the last time that you focused on really, truly, not “doing” anything? My ego wanted me to stay busy, do usual activities, drive forward, and, ultimately, keep things the same. It was becoming agitated by the very stillness that the absence of those activities would create. Yet, my soul knew that the calmness was exactly what was necessary. And, by wanting to keep things the same, my ego wanted to distract me from whatever it was that I could not outdistance. Oscar Wilde once said, “Nothing is so aggravating than calmness.” For the first few days of my down time, I agreed with him. (more…)

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition.” - Monty Python

Tuesday was not really a day that I foresaw throwing me any major “surprises.” It would be a mellow one, with little planned outside of my favorite yoga class. The universe, obviously, had something else in store for me. Of course, you don’t see surprises coming. That’s the point.

I strolled into yoga class. (Okay, I was running a bit late. So, here’s the reality. I probably plowed through the door.) Nevertheless, I was grounded and ready for class with one of my “favorite” teachers, in a class that, certainly, stretches me beyond my mental and physical limits. The class was familiar, known, and one that I have a certain “attachment” to. (more…)

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“When I counted up my demons I saw there was one for every day. But with the good ones on my shoulder, I drove the other ones away.” – Coldplay

Riding the Train

I stood on my yoga mat, the sound of my breath pounding in my ears like the thunderous sound of a train in transit. Each wayward thought competed to hijack the breath and the mantra of “peace” that I started my yoga practice with that day. My sense of calm desperately clamored to stay onboard, while my thoughts gallivanted about like wild monkeys wrestling to derail it. “No, lets go here.” “Yep, wander off. Get distracted” And witnessing it, with loving kindness, I would have to bring myself back to my breath. I would find “peace” in the spaces in between the thoughts; they were heavenly “stops” where my “monkey mind” would just rest and let me focus on riding the breath. Course, they started again. You know they always do. But those moments were magnificent, and the very essence of “peace” that I sought. I just had to trust that more stops would come. And they do. So, I returned to my breath, and followed it, back to true myself again. And the journey continues.

Showing Up

So, lets just put this out there; anyone who says that mediation, yoga, or other activities that promote mindfulness are “easy,” just haven’t experienced them. You and I both also know that it can initially take a greater sense of effort to just “be in the moment” than to just allow the monkey like thoughts to take over. But, many find that the benefits of showing up for such practices can far outweigh the effort that it can take to just get on the mat in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong; I am no yoga instructor, but I am a trauma counselor who cherishes yoga, especially what it offers clients and myself. I especially encourage my clients with trauma histories to consider a yoga practice as part of their daily living, and here is why. (more…)

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Maybe you can relate to this. I know a lot of folks who are learning about or working the law of attraction into their lives. The principles, just like the law itself, have been around for many years; they do work to manifest our intensions. I would also bet that many of you have read the books, focused your thoughts, and written them down. How many of you have felt disappointed if those goals didn’t manifest as you had hoped they would?

Maybe this sounds familiar: “this law of attraction crap doesn’t work.” Well, it’s not crap; it really does work. But, isn’t it interesting that it is also a Law of Attraction? You still have to do something. The universe still needs to see that you believe in it. Focusing on the law attraction, alone, to manifest goals is just one piece of the puzzle. (more…)

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

I knew, several months ago, that I would write about April being Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Nevertheless, after the short amount of time that it took to write it, the original article sits, alone in my office trashcan, tossed aside. The cold hard facts about sexual assault, the statistics, they all had their place. They cried out like an overwhelmingly loud and obnoxious alarm clock, desperately trying to wake you as you slumber peacefully. But you see, statistics always do. Numbers always do. Facts always do. We hear them every day and yet, they are not heard. Ironically, just like the voice of many victims of sexual assault, their cries go unanswered. So, I rewrote it.

Sure, you may know that every 35 seconds, a child is reported to be abused or neglected (NCVC, 2008). You may even know that 1 of out 6 women and 1 out of 33 men have experienced a completed or attempted rape (RAINN, 2008). But the difference is that you don’t know statistics. You just know people. You would truly know, and you could feel that statistic, if it was your child, your friend, your sister, your brother, your father, your mother, or you who were assaulted.

I struggled with this writing because sexual assault and abuse is tough to write about. Like the analogy a friend recently told me, it’s like being the town crier. You have a difficult announcement to make, to call out, but the message is ugly, painful, and shocking. Let’s face it. Who really wants to hear that their family and friends are more likely to abuse their child than strangers? Who really wants to acknowledge that you are more likely to be raped by someone you already know? But, someone does want you to hear it, and those are the people who already know. (more…)

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

At a recent event, I had the joy of watching a boy, no more than seven years old, exploring his world. His energy sparkled and his spirit was pure; he was an “old soul,” to say the least. As part of a “quest” he was asked to bring back the answer to the question “what is wisdom?” He waited patiently as my friend and I considered our reply. The answer was painstakingly difficult, and at best, only touched the surface of wisdom’s substance. “Wisdom is knowing and doing the right thing, even if it is the hardest thing to do.” Off he went, and there we stood, dumbfounded.

I continued to ponder the boy’s question, and our brief answer. I considered how often the universe asks us to do the wisest thing, which is often the thing that hurts the most. Yet, our humanness, and our desire to not suffer, or see others suffering, blocks us from doing that very thing. Instead of pushing through the pain, facing it, exploring the suffering, some chose not to do the wisest thing. It can seem counter intuitive. The wisest thing can be, in actuality, the choice that would hurt the most, initially, even if is more helpful in the long run.

Maybe you know that something in your life is not healthy, right for you, or even puts you in danger. Wisdom tells you “I need to stop this,” but the expectation of the pain from that decision over rules you. Instead of listening to your inner wisdom, you allow the fear of the suffering to take over. You do nothing, or the same thing. We do suffer, and will, but it is at the other side of suffering that wisdom develops. Wisdom comes from experiencing what is difficult, surviving it, healing from it, and ultimately, integrating what is learned. (more…)

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Therapy for Traumatic Stress: The Container

To keep the memories of abusive experiences aside, some lock their emotions, thoughts, and experiences away. Some describe their disturbing memories as if they are in a file folder, hard drive, cabinet, on a shelf, or out of the body. For others, the “containers” are described as being hidden from view, out of sight, maybe out of mind. Despite being sealed shut by these distractions, each container wants to be unopened, despite the person’s fear of opening them. Trauma therapy means opening the containers, carefully, and with appropriate and clinically sound support. Releasing trauma’s hold on the body can be a gift, albeit one to open with awareness.

Your Body Has Memory

As you remember from part one of this article, the nervous system remembers trauma. The posttraumatic stress symptoms that it gives you are its way of telling you, “Hey, deal with this!”

Therefore, if you start trauma therapy, it is important to understand that your body has memory, and will react. Because your body “holds” the memories, thoughts, emotions, and images of what happened, it is very possible that you will experience them in and or outside of your sessions. (more…)

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

One of Many

No one ever told her that the memories would come back to haunt her. Time had tucked it all away when no one believed her about the abuse. Drugs and alcohol were the only things that listened. They believed in her. Concealed from view, in the darkened corners of her mind, they were patiently waiting. Waiting for just the right time to jump out at her, surprise her, and catch her off guard. Like an unexpected movie, suddenly flashing across her mind, her memories, they presented themselves to a reluctant audience. As they created soundtracks, images, and body sensations, she was overwhelmed and alone. She walked into my office, not knowing what to do, or where to begin.

She is one, of many, who share their harrowing stories with me. The numbers are staggering of women and men who have survived sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, sexual and physical assault, let alone deaths, accidents, violence, war, catastrophic events, even traumatic loss like divorce.

You May Have Already Stopped Reading

I know that for you, this article may not apply. I may have already lost you by now. Perhaps there was no event in your life that you would define as “traumatic.” Or, it’s in the past, right? I know that what one person may consider traumatic, another may not. Perhaps you know someone who understands it all too well.

Nevertheless, it is important to recognize that the perception of being in danger, unsafe, or threatened, defines it as such. Know that if you have had a sense of being unsafe or threatened, your nervous system will remember. Even if you do not define an experience as traumatic, unconsciously, your brain and nervous system can still perceive that you are in danger. When they do, their automatic functions take over, which can lead to traumatic stress. (more…)

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate. — Carl Jung

As the year has come to a close, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on the experiences, lessons, and even challenges that it brought. Like a tide washing over the beach, in and back out again, the year came and went. It left, just as quickly as it came, but not without exquisite shells in its wake. As I have reflected on my time with clients, and the work we do, I know that each of them experiences “healing” differently. Nevertheless, I have found, that Carl Jung was right. We must heal, from within, and explore unchartered territories. Besides, they are there, just waiting for us to explore.

Unchartered Territories

Old English map makers often marked the edges of maps with imposing dragons, serpents, and other terrifying mythological beasts. Unsurveyed waters threatened sea fearers. Some chose not to venture into those unchartered territories. It was too scary and represented the unknown. Others, gathered their resources, planned for the quest, and hoped for the best.

Sometimes, you also have to ask yourself, which type of explorer you will be. Sometimes you have to ask yourself if it is worth the emotional risk. Perhaps it is more of a risk to stay exactly where you are, motionless, static, and still on the shore. (more…)