Blogging on Good Therapy

Written by Marcia Singer, MSW, CHt

What do you do to relieve persistent physical discomfort, pain or illness? Do you reach for pills? Supplements? A trip to the chiropractor or massage therapist? Do a cleansing detox? Perhaps you meditate, do some yoga or take a walk? Maybe you’ve had the difficult choice of whether to undergo surgery -or even chemotherapy.

All of these kinds of methods may be a valid part of a total healing regimen at some time in a life. But if you have the inclination to look within, deep inside is a Knowingness about the “heart” of the condition. This core contains the “information” you need to help you achieve the changes that wellness requires. Tuning in is making the BodyMind connection. (more…)

Recently, someone asked GoodTherapy.org to include Personality Disorders within our list of Concerns Addressed (this is the list of concerns that people can select when searching for therapists and the list that all members select from when creating their listing). Our decision was a unanimous “no” and we thought it would be fair to explain why and to give our members the chance to make an argument for the use of the “Personality Disorder” diagnosis. I should say that we do support the inclusion of “personality disorder” symptoms in our list of concerns and we are currently working on translating these to fit into our list…. Please feel free to add your comments to this discussion below by clicking on the comments link directly below this post.

The following is our reasoning: We believe that by labeling a person as personality disordered or, in its more gentle form, stating that a person has a personality disorder, we are essentially claiming one’s personality, their personhood, their essence, is fundamentally flawed. What else are we, other than our personality? Such a diagnosis is very likely, if not absolutely, to produce more shame, worthlessness, and rejection in a person who probably has enough of it already. I don’t care how it is framed, normalized, or expressed: having a diagnosis called “Personality Disorder” says one thing: you are fundamentally flawed.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’ve never worked with people who’s inner systems fit the criteria for the DSM categories of Borderline, Narcissism, and others. The difference is that I don’t use the categorical and shaming word “Personality Disorder” to describe a person’s experience and I don’t view people as fundamentally flawed. Deeply wounded, yes, powerfully protected, yes, but fundamentally and irreparably flawed, no.

(more…)

Is there is a concern, problem, or issue which you treat in your therapy practice but are not finding in our list of concerns?  If so, please feel free to suggest it to us so we will consider adding it to the list.  We receive many requests to add concerns which are already listed (sometimes worded or phrased differently).  Before making your suggestions please check the list of concerns on the search page by clicking here.  You can make your suggestion by replying to this post in the reply box below. If you don’t see a reply box, Click here to make your suggestions.   Please remember that your suggestions will be viewed publicly.  Thanks for helping!  Noah :)

A common concern that many people have in therapy is a fear that if they go close to the old feelings they’ve exiled is that they’ll get overwhelmed and reexperience the original trauma.  It makes sense that anyone who has spent years avoiding  vulnerable feelings would be afraid of doing the opposite.  Nonetheless, I know there are many creative ways therapists help people to heal trauma successfully, without flooding or overwhelm.  I thought it would be interesting to ask others to comment on how they help people to go near the pain without overwhelming or making the trauma worse. 

Much of what I do to help heal trauma I learned from Richard Schwartz and the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model he developed.  In the IFS model the key to healing trauma without flooding or overwhelm is bthrough helping the client to approach the parts of them which carry the extreme feelings while he or she is embodying a state of “Self.”  Self is a state of curiosity, calm, compassion, courage, confidence, clarity creativity, and connection.  It’s described by Schwartz as “they eye in the hurricane” and has been demonstrated as accessible by even the most defended and wounded of us.  When we approach the wounded parts of ourselves from Self, the intense feelings harbored inside are modulated in a way in which they don’t overwhelm us.  I explain this to clients who need more information about how it works by comparing it to how a parent soothes a child.  Imagine a baby crying in a room.  A mother who feels anxiety or frustration in response to a crying baby is more likely to intensify the baby’s anxiety and feel overwhelmed herself.  But if a mother, in response to hearing her baby cry, feels compassion, and approaches the baby with this energy, the baby will feel it and will relax much sooner than a baby with an anxious parent.  This compassionate energy not only affects the child, but it has a way of making us immune to being overwhelmed.  Healing trauma works the same way.  When we approach the parts of ourselves that have been suffering and wounded in an open, calm, curious, and compassionate we will be shielded from the pain and the pain will not overwhelm.  Healing this way for the client is like simultaneously being the container and the contained…

There are many variations and techniques within the IFS model which help to prevent overwhelm.   I’m interested in hearing from you about what ways you use to avoid overwhelm with your clients, regardless of what model of therapy you use.  Please feel free to share.