Comments on: Marriage Counseling When Divorce Has Been Considered http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/ <<exploring healthy therapy & counseling>> Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:37:14 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: Jennine Estes http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-11903 Jennine Estes Thu, 02 Oct 2008 22:33:47 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-11903 Well said! I have seen couples who come in on the verge of divorce and have worked through and made things work...and feeling happier than before. At the same time, other people come in to marriage counseling to "prove" that they gave it a try, yet they already know they are done. And when that happens, not much will work. All in all, I believe all couples should give the relationship their best, no matter what it takes. Thanks for such a great article. Well said! I have seen couples who come in on the verge of divorce and have worked through and made things work…and feeling happier than before. At the same time, other people come in to marriage counseling to “prove” that they gave it a try, yet they already know they are done. And when that happens, not much will work. All in all, I believe all couples should give the relationship their best, no matter what it takes. Thanks for such a great article.

]]> By: Starla Y http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-10313 Starla Y Sun, 03 Aug 2008 23:40:06 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-10313 Not to be negative but there is just no way that this will work without two willing partners. I have been there and done that. All that happened is that it gave me the confidence that I needed to finally realize that everything was not my fault and that I could make it on my own. I do not begrudge the results though because it did make me realize that my marriage was in essence over and that I am much better alone with my kids rather than as a partner in a marriage that is no longer good for me. Probably not the end result that most marriage counselors want to see but that is my story. Not to be negative but there is just no way that this will work without two willing partners. I have been there and done that. All that happened is that it gave me the confidence that I needed to finally realize that everything was not my fault and that I could make it on my own. I do not begrudge the results though because it did make me realize that my marriage was in essence over and that I am much better alone with my kids rather than as a partner in a marriage that is no longer good for me. Probably not the end result that most marriage counselors want to see but that is my story.

]]> By: James Counseling http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-10213 James Counseling Mon, 28 Jul 2008 10:37:34 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-10213 Stephanie I think that is wonderful. It is always nice to hear about a family that this has worked for rather than always the negative. Thanks. Stephanie I think that is wonderful. It is always nice to hear about a family that this has worked for rather than always the negative. Thanks.

]]> By: Stephanie W http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-10181 Stephanie W Sun, 27 Jul 2008 13:36:27 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-10181 I am the personal product of parebts who underwent narital counseling at the very last moment when divorce seemed completely inevitable. And now 20 years later my parents are still together and so much of this is owed to their great experience in counseling that allowed them to freely deal with their issues with one another and to give things another shot. They did and they are so much happier for it today. I am the personal product of parebts who underwent narital counseling at the very last moment when divorce seemed completely inevitable. And now 20 years later my parents are still together and so much of this is owed to their great experience in counseling that allowed them to freely deal with their issues with one another and to give things another shot. They did and they are so much happier for it today.

]]> By: Chesley C. Swanson, LMSW http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-10121 Chesley C. Swanson, LMSW Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:20:04 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-10121 I appreciate your comments. While I understand the concern about only one spouse getting counseling in regards to their marital issues or any issues that affects the relationship, I think that when one part of the family system is improved it can potentially have a positive effect on the whole system. In any counseling, as in life, I believe there are no guarantees for a successful outcome; any therapeutic benefit is good. In response to the question about how to convince the indifferent partner to participate in marriage counseling, I suggest the spouse who wants to participate ask for the other spouses participation by using an "I statement". Here again, there are no guarantees. However, it is better to try than to give up. I appreciate your comments. While I understand the concern about only one spouse getting counseling in regards to their marital issues or any issues that affects the relationship, I think that when one part of the family system is improved it can potentially have a positive effect on the whole system. In any counseling, as in life, I believe there are no guarantees for a successful outcome; any therapeutic benefit is good. In response to the question about how to convince the indifferent partner to participate in marriage counseling, I suggest the spouse who wants to participate ask for the other spouses participation by using an “I statement”. Here again, there are no guarantees. However, it is better to try than to give up.

]]> By: Jennifer http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-10101 Jennifer Fri, 25 Jul 2008 18:50:55 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-10101 I have to say that a big part of me really agrees with you Jeni. However I never discourage anyone, as part of a couple or as an individual to try therapy for self improvement. Even if it does not accomplish the specific task that you initially set out to do, there is never any harm in exploring what is going on within. That can only make you stronger in the end, even when you do not realize it at that particular point in time. I have to say that a big part of me really agrees with you Jeni. However I never discourage anyone, as part of a couple or as an individual to try therapy for self improvement. Even if it does not accomplish the specific task that you initially set out to do, there is never any harm in exploring what is going on within. That can only make you stronger in the end, even when you do not realize it at that particular point in time.

]]> By: Jeni http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-10071 Jeni Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:02:17 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-10071 As a first hand witness to a family member who tried marriage counseling on her own without input from her husband, I have to voice my opinion that that is just never going to work. Before her divorce my sister tried everything to keep the relationship going and it was very hard for her to accept that it was finally over. I think that the hope for her was that marriage couneling was going to give her all of the magical answers to fix her relationship and she was kind of dumbstruck when it did not. It definitely has to be a collaborative effort in order to be a success. As a first hand witness to a family member who tried marriage counseling on her own without input from her husband, I have to voice my opinion that that is just never going to work. Before her divorce my sister tried everything to keep the relationship going and it was very hard for her to accept that it was finally over. I think that the hope for her was that marriage couneling was going to give her all of the magical answers to fix her relationship and she was kind of dumbstruck when it did not. It definitely has to be a collaborative effort in order to be a success.

]]> By: Jillian Psychotherapist http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-10043 Jillian Psychotherapist Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:03:06 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-10043 I think that for some people the marital relationship is such an intimate experience that they do not dare let others in, and that is why so many proud people have a hard time seeking out help. Marriages do experience strain, they all do, but going to counseling to help resolve these issues is so much more beneficial than letting the negative emotions build. Even better are those who choose to be proactive rather than reactive and who work on marital issues early to hopefully spare them the pain of divorce later in life. I think that for some people the marital relationship is such an intimate experience that they do not dare let others in, and that is why so many proud people have a hard time seeking out help. Marriages do experience strain, they all do, but going to counseling to help resolve these issues is so much more beneficial than letting the negative emotions build. Even better are those who choose to be proactive rather than reactive and who work on marital issues early to hopefully spare them the pain of divorce later in life.

]]> By: Sandy http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-10029 Sandy Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:22:24 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-10029 If you truly care about someone still there should have to be no convincing. But I think that is a problem with how people perceive therapy in general of any kind. There is the perception that it is admitting that you have failed when it is not. It is just that we all need a little help with life every now and then and there is somentimes no better way to get the help than with the use and trust of an objective outsider such as a therapist. If you truly care about someone still there should have to be no convincing. But I think that is a problem with how people perceive therapy in general of any kind. There is the perception that it is admitting that you have failed when it is not. It is just that we all need a little help with life every now and then and there is somentimes no better way to get the help than with the use and trust of an objective outsider such as a therapist.

]]> By: David http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-9991 David Tue, 22 Jul 2008 22:26:17 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-9991 But how can you convince an indifferent partner that this may be the best thing for him or her to do in order to salvage the realtionship? But how can you convince an indifferent partner that this may be the best thing for him or her to do in order to salvage the realtionship?

]]> By: Therapy Donna http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-9973 Therapy Donna Mon, 21 Jul 2008 14:34:38 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-9973 I am from the mode of thinking that definitely encourages both partners to be present in marriage counseling. I do think there is something to be said for individula sessions but only when bot partners are actively and willingly participating. When only one is looking to better a realtionship it is going to still be doomed to fail. How can one even expect it will work when only one partner takes an active interest? I am from the mode of thinking that definitely encourages both partners to be present in marriage counseling. I do think there is something to be said for individula sessions but only when bot partners are actively and willingly participating. When only one is looking to better a realtionship it is going to still be doomed to fail. How can one even expect it will work when only one partner takes an active interest?

]]> By: Margo Marriage Counseling http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-9939 Margo Marriage Counseling Sun, 20 Jul 2008 19:56:25 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-9939 Unfortunately Dawn, too mantytimes what I see in my practice are couples who did have clearly defined roles at some point in time and then something happens and they want to grow beyond these roles and the other partner in the marriage does not. This is when expectations are defied and one partner or both ends up restless and disillusioned within the relationship. It is nice to have couples who do at least try to work beyond those expectations and develop other ways that their marriages can once again be a success. Otherwise what I try to do for them is help them come to an amicable understanding with one another so that there is the least amoun of residula hurt possible. Unfortunately Dawn, too mantytimes what I see in my practice are couples who did have clearly defined roles at some point in time and then something happens and they want to grow beyond these roles and the other partner in the marriage does not. This is when expectations are defied and one partner or both ends up restless and disillusioned within the relationship. It is nice to have couples who do at least try to work beyond those expectations and develop other ways that their marriages can once again be a success. Otherwise what I try to do for them is help them come to an amicable understanding with one another so that there is the least amoun of residula hurt possible.

]]> By: Dawn Pugh http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-9923 Dawn Pugh Fri, 18 Jul 2008 08:12:57 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-9923 Hi Chesley, I found your post interesting and informative and I would like to add: Marriage today is far more complex. For earlier generations, the roles of men and women were clearly defined and each knew what was expected of them. If these expectations were fulfilled then there was a reasonable chance that the relationship would last for some considerable time, often “till death do you part”. Counseling can help couples work through their problems and stay together or at least accept that the relationship is over and try to seperate as amicably as possible. Many Thanks Regards Dawn Pugh Hi Chesley,
I found your post interesting and informative and I would like to add: Marriage today is far more complex. For earlier generations, the roles of men and women were clearly defined and each knew what was expected of them. If these expectations were fulfilled then there was a reasonable chance that the relationship would last for some considerable time, often “till death do you part”.

Counseling can help couples work through their problems and stay together or at least accept that the relationship is over and try to seperate as amicably as possible.

Many Thanks
Regards
Dawn Pugh

]]> By: Cynthia Psychtherapist http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2008/07/16/marriage-counseling-divorce/#comment-9909 Cynthia Psychtherapist Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:20:53 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/?p=545#comment-9909 There are so many benefits to marital counseling that it ought to be a rule that all couples should participate in this at some point during their relationship. Marriage counseling is a great way to just get people talking to one another in again, which unfortunately is often lost when couples have been together for a while. It is the perfect non judgemental way to hash out differences and get relationships back on track when they take an unexpected turn for the worse. This is something I would definiteyl recommend for anyone experiencing any type of marital difficulty and something which can give them the tools they need for relationship success for many years to come. There are so many benefits to marital counseling that it ought to be a rule that all couples should participate in this at some point during their relationship. Marriage counseling is a great way to just get people talking to one another in again, which unfortunately is often lost when couples have been together for a while. It is the perfect non judgemental way to hash out differences and get relationships back on track when they take an unexpected turn for the worse. This is something I would definiteyl recommend for anyone experiencing any type of marital difficulty and something which can give them the tools they need for relationship success for many years to come.

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