Blogging on Good Therapy

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Mary Ellen Barnes, Ph.D. & Ed Wilson, Ph.D., MAC

Click here to contact Mary Ellen and/or see her Profile
Click here to contact Ed and/or see his Profile

We work with clients very intensively – four or more hours a day for five to seven days – and with a well defined presenting problem – alcohol abuse. Following this initial treatment phase, during the ninety days of follow-up, we frequently see family members sabotage progress once clients return home. Undermining progress is rarely intentional, but nonetheless it is the second most common factor in clients reverting to old behaviors. Only clients’ self-sabotage is more destructive. Combine the two and any progress will be stopped dead in its tracks.

Why do spouses in particular, but other family members as well, attempt to drive clients back to their old drinking behaviors – behaviors they claimed they wanted changed, and whose elimination they frequently demanded? The answer is that, unhappily, we all tend to find that we really like what we refer to as “the security of familiar miseries.” (more…)

By Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Click here to contact Lisa and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Therapists who do premarital counseling have a variety of ways they conceptualize the elements of building a strong relationship foundation prior to marriage. As a Marriage and Family Therapist with a practice focus of premarital counseling, I will discuss here my ideas around how to provide a couple with the best possible tools and information to weather the storms that life will inevitably dish out.

With divorce rates as high as they are, I wish more couples would do counseling together prior to their nuptials as it might decrease the numbers who show up in my office years down the line! I truly enjoy doing premarital counseling work as it’s wonderful to see the excitement and love usually present in engaged couples. I find them open to learning and am enthusiastic about providing them the tools and knowledge to maintaining a lasting marriage.

Here is a breakdown of my six important elements of premarital counseling: (more…)

By Barbi Pecenco, MA

Click here to contact Barbi and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

As a therapist, I am often asking clients what things mean to them. For example, when a client describes an event that happened, it’s important to ask what that meant to them, because people assign various meanings to the same exact events in their lives.

Nowhere is this more clear than in couples counseling. One recent example that comes to mind is a client who told me that his wife became furious when he asked her if the chicken they had at home was boneless or not. To him it was a simple question with very little meaning attached.

To his wife, it was a much different story. “He KNOWS I only keep boneless chicken in the house. That’s why I got so angry,” she said as if that explained everything. He protested that this wasn’t a dumb question and said that there was a good possibility that there could be other chicken in the house besides boneless chicken.” (more…)

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“When I counted up my demons I saw there was one for every day. But with the good ones on my shoulder, I drove the other ones away.” – Coldplay

Riding the Train

I stood on my yoga mat, the sound of my breath pounding in my ears like the thunderous sound of a train in transit. Each wayward thought competed to hijack the breath and the mantra of “peace” that I started my yoga practice with that day. My sense of calm desperately clamored to stay onboard, while my thoughts gallivanted about like wild monkeys wrestling to derail it. “No, lets go here.” “Yep, wander off. Get distracted” And witnessing it, with loving kindness, I would have to bring myself back to my breath. I would find “peace” in the spaces in between the thoughts; they were heavenly “stops” where my “monkey mind” would just rest and let me focus on riding the breath. Course, they started again. You know they always do. But those moments were magnificent, and the very essence of “peace” that I sought. I just had to trust that more stops would come. And they do. So, I returned to my breath, and followed it, back to true myself again. And the journey continues.

Showing Up

So, lets just put this out there; anyone who says that mediation, yoga, or other activities that promote mindfulness are “easy,” just haven’t experienced them. You and I both also know that it can initially take a greater sense of effort to just “be in the moment” than to just allow the monkey like thoughts to take over. But, many find that the benefits of showing up for such practices can far outweigh the effort that it can take to just get on the mat in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong; I am no yoga instructor, but I am a trauma counselor who cherishes yoga, especially what it offers clients and myself. I especially encourage my clients with trauma histories to consider a yoga practice as part of their daily living, and here is why. (more…)

By Chesley C. Swanson, LMSW
Click here to contact Chesley C. Swanson, LMSW and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

If you or anyone you know wants to end a marriage with minimal emotional damage to the family, I suggest serious consideration of collaborative divorce. A simple explanation of collaborative divorce is: “A highly structured process in which to express and resolve conflict without going to court”. Two of the web sites that have a more thorough explanation of collaborative divorce and a list of local attorneys, mental health professionals and financial professionals are www.collablawtexas.org and www.Divorcenet.com . My intention is to give information about what Texas collaborative professionals call “The Texas Model” of collaborative divorce. Texas collaborative professionals are dedicated and available to assist divorcing couples to successfully restructure their lives, so as to minimize the potential negative effects of divorce. (more…)

Dear Members and Visitors to GoodTherapy.org,

Today the GoodTherapy.org Team was pleased to experience the fourth teleconference in our Spring into Summer Teleconference Series: ‘Rage and the Therapist‘ presented by Ruth King, MA. Big “thank yous” to Ruth for presenting to GoodTherapy.org members her very important work on healing rage. To support those of you who attended today’s teleconference and who may have more questions or would enjoy having a forum to discuss Ruth’s methods, we created this blog entry to serve as a forum where you can post your questions, leave comments, and engage in a dialogue about it. Please feel welcome to join us in the discussion. First, a little more about Ruth King and her book:

Ruth King is a respected voice on transforming rage. A July 2007 Opera Magazine Nugget, King is President of Bridges, Branches & Braids—an organization working with negative emotions in positive ways, and author of ‘Healing Rage—Women Making Inner Peace Possible.’

-Alice Walker, Pulitzer Prize Winner for The Color Purple describes Ruth’s Book Healing Rage as “A classic…filled with the passion, earthiness, and wisdom of a self-described wounded healer…This is a book that can change your life.”

-Jack Kornfield writes, “King has articulated the painful history, patterns, and traps of a raging heart and offers the skillful means for liberation in their very midst. This is revolutionary work.”

-Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author, The Dance of Anger states “Here is a book of enormous scope that helps us to become more curious about our rage and better equipped to use it wisely. Ruth King’s compassion and generosity of spirit will leave you feeling like she’s right there with you on the journey to a fuller and more courageous life.”

For more information about Ruth, her work, her book, please visit her website: http://www.healingrage.com

Enjoy,
Noah :)

Noah Rubinstein, LMFT
Executive Director
http://www.GoodTherapy.org

By Chesley C. Swanson, LMSW

Click here to contact Chesley and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

Marriage counseling is an attempt to help a couple resolve any number of types of problems they may be having in their marriage, and to empower them to go forward and have a more successful relationship. No matter what combination of problems, couples seek counseling to get a better understanding of what has gone wrong in their marriage. Throughout a marriage it is common for resentment due to unresolved issues to build up to such an extent that one or both partners may feel hopeless enough to consider divorce as an option. Frequently, by the time a married couple decides to seek professional help; they have so much resentment built up to such a high level that their issues are much more difficult to resolve, if not impossible. This does not mean that the marriage can not be restored. Although one or both partners may think that seeking marriage counseling is an admission of failure, marriage counseling can help a couple rebuild or restore their relationship. (more…)

An Excerpt from ‘Bring Yourself to Love: How Couples Can Turn Disconnection into Intimacy’
By Mona Barbera, Ph.D.

Click here to contact Mona Barbera, Ph.D. and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

What to Expect in Internal Family Sytems (IFS) Couples Therapy

Hopefully the ideas and exercises in this book have been helpful to you, and you feel confident that you can improve your relationship. Or perhaps you feel that you and your partner could use some professional help.

This chapter will tell you what to expect from a couples therapist who uses the IFS model. Since there are so many IFS therapists in the United States and in other countries, there is a lot of variety in the way IFS is practiced. This chapter gives the basics of the IFS approach. (more…)

Dear Members and Visitors to GoodTherapy.org,

Today the GoodTherapy.org Team was pleased to experience the third teleconference in our Spring into Summer Teleconference Series: ‘Power Abused, Power Healed’ presented by Judith Barr, MA, LMHC. A huge “thank you” to Judith for presenting to GoodTherapy.org members her very important work on healing the abuse of power that can occur in therapy and in the world in general.

To support those of you who attended today’s teleconference and who may have more questions or would enjoy having a forum to discuss Judith’s methods, we created this blog entry to serve as a forum where you can post your questions, leave comments, and engage in a dialogue about it. Please feel welcome to join us in the discussion.

To view the comments or make your own, simply scroll to the bottom of this particular article and click on the “Comment” link.

For more information about Judith and her work, please visit her website:
http://www.PowerAbusedPowerHealed.com

Enjoy,

Noah :)

Noah Rubinstein, LMFT
Executive Director
http://www.GoodTherapy.org

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Maybe you can relate to this. I know a lot of folks who are learning about or working the law of attraction into their lives. The principles, just like the law itself, have been around for many years; they do work to manifest our intensions. I would also bet that many of you have read the books, focused your thoughts, and written them down. How many of you have felt disappointed if those goals didn’t manifest as you had hoped they would?

Maybe this sounds familiar: “this law of attraction crap doesn’t work.” Well, it’s not crap; it really does work. But, isn’t it interesting that it is also a Law of Attraction? You still have to do something. The universe still needs to see that you believe in it. Focusing on the law attraction, alone, to manifest goals is just one piece of the puzzle. (more…)

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by John Rhead, Ph.D.

Click here to contact John and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

For a long time I have experimented with various visualizations with regard to breathing. Usually these involve visualizing something associated with inhalation, such as peace, and something else associated with exhalation, such as joy. For the past few months I have settled on the concept/image of grace on inhalation, and love on exhalation. I have refrained from looking up the dictionary definition of “grace,” because it is not the one I am using and I don’t want to confuse myself before I finish writing this. I am using the vague idea of grace that comes from my childhood exposure to religion, primarily Christianity. From that exposure I have come to think of grace as something like divine loving benevolence that is always available for the asking, sort of the way oxygen is available if one inhales. That I might inhale grace and convert it to something like human love seems but a small leap of faith. (more…)

by Noah Rubinstein, LMFT
Executive Director GoodTherapy.org

We named our organization GoodTherapy.org for a handful of reasons. One, good therapy is what most therapists, are striving to provide. Regardless of orientation, nearly all therapists can be included in the group of dedicated and caring folks who strive to “do no harm” in the healing process. Two, we want to express, in the title of our organization, the importance we place on quality in the psychotherapy process. Three, “good therapy” is catchy. The expression, “I (or he or she) could use some good therapy” has been around a long time. Fourth, GoodTherapy.org sounds better than www,JustOkayTherapy.org :)

But the phrase “good therapy” encourages a misconception: the idea that there is such a thing as pure good therapy, a process exempt of any problems or issues. In the same way that a perfect marriage is not one without problems, but rather one that works through problems – so is good therapy. No therapist is perfect and no therapy can be provided perfectly, no matter how ideal a therapy may be in theory. Even those of us who do the best we can to be conscious of our inner world and attuned to the therapeutic process have aspects we are unaware of, pieces of ourselves unhealed, and mistakes we make. (more…)