Comments on: Are You a Fool for Love? Exploring the Art of Creating Intimacy

By: reza

reza — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 10:07:04 +0000

i dont know why you came in my thought ,when i was watching ayla,s pictures .then i find ur writer about love,i read it twice and feel pain,i cried and it this true ,it is the life and we cant change it ,in the old time didnt knew that and the life for them was more sweet but there is other sulotion that make the human more happy in life,can you see what is happaning ,there is a huge god energy will appear and our life will get a new path of happiness,dont forget the real god,take care..

By: Victoria Schlicht, LMFT

Victoria Schlicht, LMFT — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:34:45 +0000

As I experience it, the human heart is constantly in a process of either contracting into closure, pain, defense, or expanding into openness, warmth, receptivity. And while it is true that some arrive in the moment more defended and fearful than others, it is a hopeful stance to intend to tease your heart open a bit more each day. No one needs to be perfectly heart-open in order to start benefiting from and enjoying small incremental changes in their willingness to engage in life. I find “opening” to be an experimental and often tentative process that can be part of a daily habit or practice and yields rich results. Experiencing “stuck” can be such a great contrast and teacher about experiencing “open,” just as experiencing a tightly held muscle (such as Progressive Muscle Relaxation exercises) has much to teach us about the unexpected pleasures of a completely relaxed muscle or body.

By: Lisa Kift

Lisa Kift — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:54:54 +0000

Absolutely - it’s clearly not helpful to stay “stuck” in the past. Those who are - and then have created defense mechanisms to protect themselves from being vulnerable again - risk lacking intimacy in their lives which can leave them unfulfilled and very lonely.

By: Nikki

Nikki — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:09:40 +0000

And that is such a hard place to penetrate isn’t it? But I think we just have to be willing to learn from the mistakes of the past and hopefully get to a better place where we can find love again. What is life without having love in it?

By: Cindy

Cindy — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:52:19 +0000

That’s how I see it. We are all ready to open up our heart for sincere relations when we are young maximalists but then we burn ourselves and experience several heart brakes we become stiff and defensive.

By: Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 17:07:46 +0000

Being open to be vulnerable again is a daunting task for many - but well worth it if you find a partner who’s willing to take the journey with you. As difficult as this can be for any of us, it’s even more challenging for those who have old attachment wounds and unhelpful core beliefs such as, “I’m not good enough.” How does one open up if they don’t believe they deserve to receive love in the first place? A quandry indeed.

By: Jeni

Jeni — Sat, 31 May 2008 12:01:00 +0000

That is a great thought but it is hard for many of us to do that. We always expect something in retunr, even if that is subconciously and end up getting hurt when we do not get the return we had anticipated.

By: Sodabeh Miller, LMFT

Sodabeh Miller, LMFT — Thu, 29 May 2008 04:34:18 +0000

what if we just love to love others and not so much worry about receiving love in return? Because if we love freely and don’t expect anything in return and we receive love in return it is like a bonus that cheer the heart even more.

By: Victoria Schlicht, LMFT

Victoria Schlicht, LMFT — Wed, 28 May 2008 20:13:22 +0000

Jeannette, I hear you. It can be scary to take risks with our hearts. Opening our hearts to love, either in the context of our committed relationship or in opening our lives to new relationships, is an act of courage we can choose to engage in despite our painful experiences in the past. I think it is often true that we will avoid that vulnerable heart-open stance until our pain of being heart-closed becomes so intense it moves us forward, almost in spite of ourselves. Courage is not about being unafraid, it is about acting despite our fear. In my experience, my fear and moving through it (not necessarily discarding it or rising above it) is what allows me to experience myself as courageous in life. Cultivating a vulnerable heart has a lot of potential to allow us to receive more love in our lives and in all our relationships.

By: Steve H

Steve H — Tue, 27 May 2008 11:37:36 +0000

Are we all so disenfranchised with love that we carry this armor around our heart so that it will not get broken? Is that what it has all boiled down to? We need people to tell us how to fall in love?

By: Donna

Donna — Mon, 26 May 2008 16:33:44 +0000

Falling in love does not have to be clasisfied as being a fool for love. It should be aout mutual respect, honesty, and trust- believeing in someone else and the knowledge that he or she will be there to catch you when you fall. It does not all have to be so premeditated.

By: ashley

ashley — Sun, 25 May 2008 18:15:42 +0000

It is hard when all you have experienced is pain but it can be so perfect when you find the right mate.

By: Jeanette

Jeanette — Sat, 24 May 2008 12:32:28 +0000

How do you ever return to that place of being unafraid to open your heart and love someone else again? Maybe I have just been burned too much in the past but i have to say that I am really scared just to put it all out there again.

By: amyhop

amyhop — Sat, 24 May 2008 03:44:51 +0000

I have had to learn the hard way that you have to be receptive and have an open heart for love otherwise it is sure to pass you by. You have to be receptive to it and allow it to be a prt of your life. That means you have to be in a good place both spiritually and emotionally so that you know you are good enough to receive that love.